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Leadership

What Are Most Common Beliefs That Hold Tech Leaders Back?

As a Tech Leader, you’re tasked with guiding innovation, meeting deadlines, and managing diverse teams—all while navigating the complexities of human dynamics. It’s no small challenge. But what if I told you that some of the beliefs you hold about leadership might actually be holding you back from creating an environment where people want to stay and thrive? Let’s take a closer look at three of the most common beliefs that I encounter when working with Tech Leaders and explore actionable solutions to shift your mindset and approach. Belief 1: “If I’m not the expert in the room, I’ll lose respect.” Many Tech Leaders feel immense pressure to always have the answers. After all, you’ve likely climbed the ranks because of your technical expertise. But leadership isn’t about being the smartest person in the room—it’s about enabling others to shine (it hurts, I know). The problem is that when you focus on showcasing your expertise, you risk micromanaging or overshadowing your team’s contributions. This can stifle creativity and lead to disengagement: your people think won’t have enough space to try out new solutions, make mistakes and learn from them to build their own expertise. Solution? Shift from being the “expert” to being the “facilitator.” Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think we should do here?” or “How can we approach this differently?” Empower your team to take ownership of their ideas and solutions. Remember, respect is earned not by knowing everything but by fostering trust and collaboration. Belief 2: “Feedback will demotivate my team.” I often hear leaders say they avoid giving constructive feedback because they fear it will hurt morale. While it’s true that poorly delivered feedback can cause friction, avoiding it altogether is far more damaging in the long run. The problem is that without feedback, your team doesn’t know where they stand or how they can improve. This ambiguity can lead to frustration, disengagement, and even turnover: all those things are not the ideal situation for you, as a leader, and for your team as well. There are very costly: losing one employee is a cost of 8-12 monthly salaries of this person (in average). Solution? Reframe feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than criticism. Use a structured approach, even the most common ones like “Start-Stop-Continue” will be a huge help (and easy to implement): – Start: What new behaviors or actions could help them grow? – Stop: What habits or approaches might be holding them back? – Continue: What are they already doing well that they should keep up? Deliver feedback with using Communication Intelligence (CQ) muscle, tailor the communication to your employee’s needs, be specific, and always tie it back to their potential and goals. Belief 3: “People leave because of better opportunities, not because of me.” It’s easy to blame external factors when someone leaves your team—higher salaries, exciting projects elsewhere, or personal reasons. While those factors do play a role, research consistently shows that people leave managers, not companies. The problem is that assuming turnover is out of your control absolves you of responsibility for creating a supportive environment. This mindset prevents you from addressing underlying issues within your team dynamic. Solution? Conduct regular one-on-one check-ins where you ask questions like: – “What’s one thing I could do to support you better?” – “Do you think that you’re challenged and fulfilled enough in your role? If not, what can we do to move a needle here?” – “What’s your long-term vision, and how can I help you get there?” By showing genuine interest in your team’s well-being and career aspirations, you’ll build loyalty and reduce turnover. It’s not so obvious to have a leader that actually care and think about their employees’ in more holistic approach. The bottom line Leadership is as much about unlearning as it is about learning. By challenging these common beliefs and adopting a more people-centric mindset, you’ll not only become a stronger leader but also create a work environment where people feel valued and inspired to stay. Remember: great leaders don’t just manage tasks—they cultivate trust, growth, and connection. That’s the kind of environment people don’t want to leave. Ready to challenge more leadership beliefs? Go and listen to the latest episode of Leman Tech Leadership Podcast!

1 February 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Breaking the Code: Myths About Mistakes in Tech World

As Tech Leaders, we often find ourselves navigating a world of constant change, high stakes, and the persistent pressure to deliver. In this fast-paced environment, mistakes are inevitable. Yet, despite their inevitability, mistakes often carry an unnecessary stigma, especially in the technology sector. We’ve all been there: a bug in production, a failed sprint, or a product launch that didn’t hit the mark. These moments can feel like personal failures, but they’re also opportunities for growth—if we allow them to be. Unfortunately, many of us are held back by persistent myths about mistakes that do more harm than good. Let’s unpack these myths and explore how tech leaders can reframe their thinking to foster innovation and resilience within their teams. Myth 1: Mistakes Are a Sign of Incompetence This is perhaps the most damaging myth of all. In a field as complex as technology, mistakes are not just normal—they’re expected. Yet, many Tech Leaders (and their teams) fear that admitting to errors will make them appear unqualified or incapable. Here’s the truth: mistakes are not a reflection of incompetence but rather a natural byproduct of working on resolving complex problems. In fact, some of the most groundbreaking innovations in tech have come from mistakes. Take the accidental creation of Post-it Notes or the discovery of penicillin—while not directly tech-related, these examples remind us that groundbreaking discovery often follows missteps. As a leader, it’s your job to model curiosity. When you own up to your own mistakes and frame them as learning opportunities, you create a culture where your team feels safe to take risks and innovate. Myth 2: Perfection Is the Goal Let’s face it: perfection in tech doesn’t exist. There will always be bugs in the code, unforeseen edge cases, or unexpected user behaviors. Yet, many leaders fall into the trap of striving for perfection, believing that flawless execution is the ultimate measure of success. And we do know that’s far from the truth. The pursuit of perfection can paralyze teams, leading to analysis paralysis and delayed decision-making. Worse yet, it can stifle creativity and experimentation—two critical drivers of innovation in technology. Instead of chasing perfection, focus on progress. Encourage your team to adopt an iterative mindset: ship, learn, and improve. Agile methodologies are built on this principle for a reason—they prioritize adaptability over rigid adherence to an idealized end state. Remember, your job as a leader isn’t to eliminate mistakes but to create an environment where mistakes lead to better outcomes. Myth 3: Mistakes Waste Time and Resources It’s easy to view mistakes as setbacks that cost time and money. But what if we flipped that perspective? What if we saw mistakes as investments in future success? Consider this: every mistake your team makes is a chance to uncover blind spots, refine processes, and build resilience. A bug in production might reveal gaps in your testing strategy. A failed product launch could highlight misalignment between engineering and marketing teams. These insights are invaluable—they help you course-correct and prevent larger issues down the line. Of course, not all mistakes are created equal. As a leader, it’s important to distinguish between reckless errors (caused by carelessness or lack of preparation) and intelligent (or even necessary) ones (made in the pursuit of innovation). Celebrate the latter and use them as teachable moments for your team. Myth 4: Leaders Should Have All the Answers As Tech Leaders, we often feel pressure to be the smartest person in the room—the one with all the answers. But this mindset is not only unrealistic; it’s counterproductive. When you position yourself as infallible, you surprisingly discourage your team from speaking up or challenging assumptions. This can lead to groupthink, missed opportunities for improvement or other limiting biases that rob us from achieving extraordinary results. Instead, embrace a mindset of continuous learning. Ask questions, seek input from your team, and admit when you don’t know something. By doing so, you demonstrate humility and foster a culture of collaboration and shared ownership. Remember, leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about empowering your team to find them together. Myth 5: Mistakes Are Best Swept Under the Rug In some organizations, there’s an unspoken rule: don’t talk about mistakes. This culture of silence can be incredibly toxic, leading to fear, blame-shifting, and a lack of accountability. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to break this cycle. Encourage open dialogue about mistakes and frame them as opportunities for growth. Conduct retrospective sessions after incidents or project failures to identify root causes and actionable takeaways. Transparency is key here—not just within your team but across your organization. When leaders openly discuss their own missteps and what they’ve learned from them, it normalizes the idea that mistakes are part of the process. Reframing Mistakes as the Golden Key So how can we, as Tech Leaders, shift our perspective on mistakes? Here are a few practical strategies: Lead by example: Share your own experiences with failure and what you learned from them during team meetings or one-on-ones. Celebrate learning moments: Recognize team members who take risks and learn from their mistakes—even if the outcome wasn’t what they hoped for. Create psychological safety: Foster an environment where team members feel safe to admit errors without fear of punishment or being laughed at. Encourage reflection: After a mistake occurs, ask your team reflective questions like “What did we learn?” or “How can we do better in the future?” Focus on systems: Instead of blaming individuals for mistakes, look at the systems and processes that contributed to them and identify areas for improvement. The bottom line Mistakes are not the enemy—they’re an essential part of growth in the tech world (and beyond). As leaders, our role is not to eliminate mistakes but to create a culture where they’re seen as opportunities for learning and innovation. By reframing these common myths and our approach to failure, we can build teams that are resilient, creative,

25 January 2025 No Comments

Leadership

10 Ways to Get Your Time Back: Practical Tips for a Tech Leader

As a Tech Leader, your day is likely filled with endless meetings, urgent emails, project deadlines, and unexpected crises. It’s easy to feel like there’s never enough time to focus on what truly matters—whether that’s strategic thinking, team development, or even your own well-being. But here’s the good news: with a few intentional changes, you can reclaim your time and focus on what drives real impact. This isn’t about pretty theories or abstract advice. Below, you’ll find 10 practical, actionable tips that you can start implementing today to get your time back. Interested? Let’s get to it! #1 Audit Your Calendar Your calendar tells the story of where your time goes—and often, it’s not a pretty picture. Start by reviewing your calendar for the past two weeks. Ask yourself: Which meetings were truly necessary? Could some have been shorter? Were there meetings I didn’t need to attend at all as a leader of my team? Depends on the answers, make some shifts. Move meetings around, if you have influence on them: put them in the time of the day that you’re not in your genius zone. Use the calendar as you source of power, not a thing you are a slave of. Actionable Tip: For every recurring meeting on your calendar, apply the “zero-based budgeting” approach. Assume the meeting doesn’t need to exist unless there’s a compelling reason to keep it. For meetings you do keep, limit them to 25 or 50 minutes instead of the standard 30 or 60 minutes—this will force more focused discussions and give you breathing room between calls. #2 Delegate Like a Pro Leader Tech Leaders often fall into the trap of trying to do everything themselves—whether it’s troubleshooting a technical issue or reviewing every line of code. But delegation isn’t just about offloading tasks; it’s about empowering your team and creating space for you to focus on higher-level priorities. Actionable Tip: Use the “3D Framework” for tasks: Do it, Delegate it, or Delete it. If a task doesn’t absolutely require your expertise, delegate it to someone who can handle it. And if it doesn’t add value, delete it altogether. Make sure of good contracting around the delegation though: it needs to be clear, including context, checking on the skillset of the person who’s going to get the task. Be smart here; don’t assume: ask. #3 Batch Similar Tasks Together Switching between tasks—like coding, answering emails or Slack / Teams messages, and attending meetings—can drain your mental energy and waste time. Instead, group similar tasks together and tackle them in dedicated blocks of time. Actionable Tip: Create “themed” days or blocks of time. For example: – Monday mornings: Strategic planning – Tuesday afternoons: One-on-ones with team members – Friday mornings: Deep work on a long-term project When you batch tasks, you reduce context-switching and increase focus. Let’s say it once for good: there’s no such thing as multitasking. You can switch between tasks really quickly, but it has its cost. Reduce it, be more focused and you’ll see the difference in your efficiency and energy level as a leader. #4 Say “No” More Often Every time you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else—often your own priorities. Learning to say “no”, or “yes, and…” is one of the most powerful ways to protect your time as a Tech Leader. Actionable Tip: When someone asks for your time, don’t respond immediately. Instead, say: “Let me think about it and get back to you.” This gives you space to evaluate whether the request aligns with your goals. If it doesn’t, politely decline or suggest an alternative solution. Remember about being in OK-OK space: you don’t want to be rude or aggressive; boundary setting is not about hurting others, it’s about protecting yourself. #5 Leverage Asynchronous Communication Not every conversation needs to happen in real-time. In fact, asynchronous communication can save you hours each week by reducing unnecessary meetings and interruptions. Actionable Tip: Use tools like Slack, MS Teams, or Loom to communicate asynchronously. For example, instead of scheduling a meeting to discuss a project update, record a short video or write a detailed message outlining the key points and next steps. Bonus Tip: Set clear expectations for response times in asynchronous channels (i.e., “respond within 24 hours”) so everyone stays aligned without feeling pressured to reply instantly. #6 Automate Repetitive Tasks If you’re spending time on repetitive tasks that could be automated, you’re leaving valuable hours on the table. Automation isn’t just for developers—it’s a key productivity tool for all of us, regardless of our role in the organization. Actionable Tip: Identify one repetitive task you handle weekly (i.e., generating reports, scheduling meetings, answering emails) and automate it using tools like Zapier, IFTTT, or custom scripts. Example: Automate status updates by integrating project management tools like Jira or Trello with Slack so your team gets real-time progress updates without manual intervention. #7 Create Decision-Making Frameworks Decision fatigue is real—and as a tech leader, you’re probably making dozens of decisions every day. And we have a limited decision capacity: we make around 35,000 decisions daily, but less than 100 are optimal. Creating frameworks can help streamline this process and free up mental energy for more important work and more capacity for better decisions. Actionable Tip: Develop simple decision-making criteria for recurring situations. For example: Hiring decisions: Does this candidate have at least 70% of the required skills? Project prioritization: Does this initiative align with our top three business goals? Task selection: Does this task bring me closer to the OKRs I have on my list for this quarter? By standardizing decisions, you’ll spend less time deliberating and more time executing. #8 Adopt a “Less is More” Leadership Mindset In Tech Leadership, more isn’t always better—more features, more meetings, more initiatives can lead to diminishing returns. Focus on doing fewer things exceptionally well rather than spreading yourself too

5 January 2025 No Comments

Leadership

3 Lessons on How I’ve Wasted Time as a Leader

As leaders, time is one of our most valuable resources, yet it’s one we often misuse without even realizing it. Reflecting on my own leadership journey, I’ve identified three significant ways I’ve wasted time (at least, so far). These lessons and the things I’ve started to do differently as a positive consequence of them have not only shaped how I lead today but have also helped me become a more effective and focused person. My goal by sharing these lessons is to help you avoid some of the same pitfalls and grow as a leader. Regardless of where you are on your leadership path. Lesson 1: Waiting for Perfection One of the earliest and most persistent mistakes I made as a leader was waiting for perfection before making decisions or moving forward. Whether it was launching a new product, rolling out a process change, or even sending an email to the team or organization, I would delay action until I felt everything was flawless. My belief was that perfection equaled success. However, especially in tech world, where innovation moves at lightning speed, waiting for perfection often means missing opportunities or waisted time. I remember one situation vividly when my team had developed a very promising growth program for the leadership team. Instead of releasing an MVP and iterate based on peoples’ feedback, I insisted on refining every detail before launch. By the time we released it, some of the needs where already covered and part of the program was pointless. Solution? My turning point came when I embraced the concept of “progress over perfection.” I began to prioritize speed and adaptability over getting everything right the first time. One of the tools that helped me was implementing agile tools within my team. By breaking projects into smaller, iterative cycles, we were able to deliver value faster and make improvements based on real-world feedback. I also adopted a mindset shift: I stopped seeing imperfection as failure and started viewing it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Now, I encourage people I work with to release early and often, knowing that we can course-correct along the way. This approach has not only saved us time but has also fostered a culture of innovation and showing people that adaptability is the most important thing when we want to achieve a lasting success. Lesson 2: Looking for an Ideal Candidate Another way I wasted time as a leader was obsessing over finding the “perfect” candidate for open roles on my team. I would spend months searching for someone who checked every box on the job description: SME skills & knowledge, cultural fit, growth potential. It was only to realize that this person rarely exists. I recall one hiring process where I was looking for a senior facilitator to lead a critical growth project. I turned down several qualified candidates because they didn’t meet my impossibly high standards. In the meantime, the project has begun, I needed to deliver most of the things on my own. I was exhausted, my other tasks were put on hold since it was impossible for me to do everything. I finally made a hire, and it became clear that many of the “must-have” qualities I’d been fixated on weren’t as critical as I thought. Solution? I learned to focus on potential rather than perfection when hiring. Instead of searching for someone who ticks every box, I now look for candidates who demonstrate a growth mindset, strong problem-solving skills, and the ability to adapt to the changing needs of the business. To make this shift, I changed a little the hiring process to include scenarios and problem-solving exercises that reflect real challenges that we face. This gives me better insight as a leader into how candidates think and approach problems rather than just their resume qualifications. Additionally, I started investing more in onboarding and training. By providing new hires with the tools and support they need to succeed, we’ve been able to develop talent internally instead of waiting for the “perfect” external hire. This not only saves time but also builds loyalty and engagement within the team. Lesson 3: Focusing on the Wrong Things As leaders, it’s easy to get caught up in tasks that feel urgent but don’t actually move the needle. For me, this often-looked like micromanaging or spending too much time on operational details rather than strategic priorities. I remember a period when my calendar was packed with meetings about minor issues: approving small budget requests, troubleshooting technical things on the e-learning platform, or reviewing every slide of the training deck. While these tasks felt important in the moment, they distracted me from higher-level responsibilities that nobody can do, but me. The result? Burnout for me and frustration for my team, who felt stifled by my constant involvement in their work. Solution? The first step to breaking this cycle was learning how to delegate effectively. Even if I teach others how to delegate, I sometimes struggle with giving things away since I know exactly how to do them on my own. I realized that by holding onto tasks that others could handle, I was not only wasting my own time but also robbing my team of opportunities to grow and take ownership. I started by identifying tasks that didn’t require my direct involvement and assigning them to team members who were capable (or could become capable with some guidance). To ensure success, I provided clear expectations and allowed space for mistakes. The real space, not only on the paper. If team doesn’t make mistakes that means that they never try doing something new or different. And I don’t want that kind of stagnation and fear in my team. I also adopted a strong system for prioritization. Always using the check point on how this task makes an impact on our goals, we all know how to choose when the task list is endless. This helped me stay aligned

23 November 2024 No Comments

Leadership

Why Leaders Quit Learning and How to Overcome It?

In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of continuous learning cannot be overstated, especially for leaders. However, many leaders find themselves ceasing to learn over time, which can have huge (and negative) effects on their organization, team and their personal growth. Understanding why leaders quit learning and finding solutions to these challenges is crucial for sustained success. Here are five essential reasons why leaders stop learning and how they can overcome these obstacles. 1. Success is already achieved, right? Many leaders become satisfied after achieving a certain level of success. They feel that their current knowledge and skills are sufficient to maintain their position and continue leading effectively. This state can lead to stagnation and a lack of innovation: can be a fog that stop us from seeing things clearly. Sometimes it’s also connected with: “I’ve learned something 2/5/10 years ago and it worked. Why should I bother learning something new?!”. Sure thing, we can use the knowledge and experiences from the past. But we also know that the world changes all the time. And the speed of those changes is extremely high. Solution? Leaders should cultivate a mindset of lifelong learning. Embracing the idea that there is always more to learn can keep them motivated. One practical approach is setting personal learning goals each year, quarter, month (or even a day), such as reading / listening to a certain number of books, attending workshops, or enrolling in online courses. For instance, Bill Gates is known for his habit of reading 50 books a year, which keeps him informed and inspired. 2. Overwhelmed by Responsibilities Leaders often juggle multiple responsibilities, leaving them with little time or energy to focus on learning. The demands of their roles can make it challenging to prioritize personal and professional development. AKA: “I don’t have time or energy”. This sentence barely goes through my throat since for me, there’s no such thing as lack of time. It’s only a lack of priority. Solution? Task and energy management is a key. Leaders should schedule dedicated time for learning activities, just as they would for any other important meeting. This might include setting aside an hour each day for reading or listening to educational podcasts during commutes. Additionally, delegating tasks and empowering team members can free up time for leaders to focus on their growth. The key is to get the time back, not to use constantly the old excuse. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I couldn’t agree more. 3. Fear of Vulnerability Admitting a lack of knowledge or skill can make leaders feel vulnerable, especially if they believe it might undermine their authority. This fear can prevent them from seeking new learning opportunities. Also, it’s necessary to step into the uncomfortable while learning. It might mean making mistakes, that… other people can see! (OMG, that’s the end of the world!). We have so many limiting beliefs in our brains and this on should be on the top of our lists to exchange with a new one immediately. Solution? Embracing vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness is essential. Leaders can create a culture of learning within their organizations by openly sharing their own learning journeys and encouraging others to do the same. For example, Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, promotes a “learn-it-all” culture rather than a “know-it-all” approach, which has been instrumental in transforming the company. 4. Lack of Feedback Without regular feedback, leaders may not be aware of areas where they need improvement. This lack of insight can lead to a false sense of competence, discouraging further learning. And there are so many new skills (technical / SME-oriented, and social / leadership) that sometimes we simply don’t know what to choose. It’s not surprising! And when we don’t know where to focus, we often choosing not doing anything at all. Solution? Seeking feedback from supervisors, peers, mentors, and team members can provide valuable insights into areas for growth. Leaders should actively solicit constructive feedback and use it as a foundation for their learning plans. Implementing a regular asking mode, even if it’s just sending a short e-mail to 10 people once per quarter with the note: “Hi! I just wanted to ask you for 2 things. What I do well when we work together? What can I do better?” This way we actively seek information with examples from people that can really answer those questions. Easy, simple and doable: how does it sound as a quick implementation idea? 5. Rapid Technological Changes The rapid pace of technological advancements can be intimidating, especially for leaders who are not tech-savvy. The fear of not keeping up with the latest trends can discourage them from trying to learn about new technologies. 2 weeks ago, I’ve started a new growth path in one of the companies I work with. I included some AI tools to show them how they can use the tech tools so they get their time back that they spend right now on repetitive, easy tasks, so they can invest it somewhere else. A bunch of people at the end of the workshop said: “You know what, Alex? It’s all great, extremely useful. But after this workshop I see how big of a gap I must fill out.”. It wasn’t my intention at all! I gave them 3-4 tools + one platform that they can use as a browser if they want to cover a specific need. And that was all! But the feeling or a though in themselves was so strong that we needed to spend a while on addressing that properly. Solution? Leaders should focus on building digital literacy by starting with the basics and gradually advancing their skills. Enrolling in beginner-friendly courses or workshops can help demystify technology. Additionally, partnering with tech-savvy team members or hiring digital consultants can provide guidance and support. The most important thing? Start small. You don’t need to be an expert

16 November 2024 No Comments

Leadership

5 Biggest Leadership Feedback Mistakes

As a leader, giving feedback is an essential part of your role. However, there are some common mistakes that leaders make when delivering feedback that can have huge effects on the individual, the team, and the organization as a whole. As we want to be as efficient as possible and not waste time or effort on insufficient communication, it’s important to be aware of these pitfalls and have ready-to-use ways to avoid them. Here are five things that leaders shouldn’t do while giving others feedback, along with examples of the potential consequences that you can save yourself from. Ready? Let’s dig in. 1. Being overly critical without providing constructive guidance One of the biggest mistakes a leader can make when giving feedback is being overly critical without providing constructive guidance. For example, if a team member presents a project and the leader simply says, “This is terrible,” “A monkey would do it better” without offering any specific feedback or suggestions for improvement, it can be incredibly demoralizing for the person. This kind of feedback can lead to a huge decrease of intrinsic motivation and confidence in the team member, as well as a thud in an overall team morale. In the long run, it can also result in a decrease in productivity and innovation within the organization. This is not a feedback from OK-OK quardant at all. We were talking about it why it is crucial to speak from this space in the article and podcast, but I will say it one more time. If you are not in an OK-OK zone, first thing you need to do is to go back there, by covering your motivational needs and only then move to the conversation with the other person. Without that, the conversation will always be stresful, full of aggresion, manipulation or withdrawal of one or both sides. 2. Failing to tailor feedback to the individual’s communication base Another common mistake is failing to tailor feedback to the individual’s communication preference. For instance, if a leader gives feedback in a direct manner (Promoter) to an employee who prefers a more empathetic and nurturative approach (Harmonizer), it can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings. This can result in a breakdown of trust and rapport between the leader and the team member, as well as hinder the individual’s ability to fully understand and act on the feedback. Ultimately, this can impact the team’s cohesiveness and collaboration, as well as the organization’s overall communication effectiveness. When we use a one-size-fits-all approach, we are so surpried that the feedback doesn’t land. Or sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. So we blame people, sometimes by saying: “What is so hard to understand?!” or “Others get it and you can’t!”. Basically: it’s about you, not about me. So it has a huge cost, for us as leaders, and for our team as well. Let’s not be mad on others: we can be mad on an educational system that doesn’t teach us communication at school, but both ways are a waste of time. I would say that we rather invest this time in learning and practicing on how to match the needs of the other person and crafting feedback so it’s custom-made. 3. Using feedback as a means of control or manipulation Using feedback as a means of control or manipulation is another mistake that leaders should avoid. For example, if a leader gives feedback with the intention of pushing a team member into conforming to their own agenda or way of thinking, it can create a toxic and disempowering work environment. This kind of behavior can lead to resentment and disengagement among team members, as well as a lack of creativity and initiative within the team. Over time, it can also result in high turnover rates and a negative reputation for the organization. We are coming back again here to the OK-OK mode. If we don’t have a positive intention while sitting at the table with an employee, there’s no chance to end the meeting with an agreement. At least, not with the honest one. There’s a 4A Feedback Guidline that was created by Reed Hasting at Netflix. And the first A is an “Aim to assist”. Always have that in mind. You don’t have it? Go find it, and then sit with a person to have a proper conversation. 4. Ignoring the emotional impact of feedback Ignoring the emotional impact of feedback is another critical mistake that leaders often make. Regardless of the personality base of the person, if it’s a Harmonizer or anybody else, it always has an impact on a person. Mostly because we have so bad feedabck experiences from the bast that on each sentence that includes “feedabck” in it, we respond with a higher stress level right away. That kind of lack of awareness and insensivity can result in increased distress (negative stress) and anxiety level for the team member, as well as a decrease in their overall well-being and job satisfaction. Going further, it can lead to the high level of resistance, being close to the suggestions or ideas of the leader. In turn, this can lead to higher levels of absenteeism and decreased productivity within the team, ultimately impacting the organization’s bottom line. So I say: let’s be more mindful, check with people how they are doing before, during and after the conversation. Ask for feedabck for ourselves: what we do really well? And what can we do better when it comes to leading those conversations? Each situation is an opportunity for us to learn and be better next time. It’s like training and strenghtening a muscle. 5. Failing to follow up on feedback Finally, failing to follow up on feedback is a mistake that can hinder an individual’s growth and development. For example, if a leader provides feedback on a specific area for improvement but fails to follow up with ongoing support and guidance, it can lead to stagnation and a lack of progress. This can

9 November 2024 No Comments

Transactional Analysis

What Does It Mean to Be OK-OK?

When I think about all workshops and mentoring processes that I deliver each week, very rarely I don’t talk about it with people. Sooner or later, this is a part of a conversation: whether we work together around communication, feedback, leadership, change or transformation. Today the story about OK-OK Matrix, which another name is Life Positions Matrix. One of the most important elements of Transactional Analysis framework, a base of building outstanding relationship: professional and private. What is the Matrix? The Matrix is a tool that show us four options that consists of set of beliefs, thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves and others. Based on where we are, we have a certain orientation, that becomes a base for our behaviors, ways of reacting on what happens for us: professionally and privately. It doesn’t really matter about which part of our life or work we think, this tool is applicable equally well. You can take a look on how the Matrix looks like on the simple picture below: The first axis describes what we think and believe is a truth when it comes to ourselves: who we are (as people in general, but also in each role we have in our life: professionally and personally), what we do, what we are worth because of that etc. The second axis describes the same elements, but in the context of the external world: it can be another person, a group of people (the entire family, team etc.) or the whole institution (organization, state, the whole political party etc.). Where we are in the Matrix influences on our mood, mindset, behaviors in different situations, the way we react, how we communicate and make decisions. The first thing is to be aware what kind of dominant tendency we have in going into certain quadrants. Quadrant 1: OK-OK OK – OK quadrant is the one that we should aim to be as frequently as possible. This is the space where we are fine, and everybody are fine too. I have good intentions and people have good intentions as well. Of course, not everything and everybody is perfect, but we aim to be the best version of ourselves, we support each other, we share knowledge and work as a team. This is a place where we have and develop a growth mindset. Thanks to that set of thoughts, believes, convictions and decisions we make base on all that we are successful, happy and build a good life. We see opportunities, abundance, instead of gaps and things we don’t have or know. We reach for more, instead of giving up. Quadrant 2: OK-Not-OK OK – Not-OK quadrant appears when you think that you are fine, but others – not so much. Example: ‘I always do everything I can to finish my list of tasks before the day ends, and he never does it. He always works 9-5 and then – regardless of how many things are undone, he just closes his computer and goes home. Ugh, I hate it!’. Or: ‘I’m doing everything I can and this organization? Only requires more and give less and less!’ This place is not healthy for us, since we are going to resent everyone and everything at the end of the day. Even if this is only one person at first, it becomes more and more severe with time. When we are OK and the world not, what we end up with? Hate, resentment, miserable life. I would say that’s not the best place to be, especially in a long run. Quadrant 3: Not-OK-OK Not-OK – OK quadrat is a low self-esteem place. We are there when we think that everybody is fine, successful, happy, except for us. A good example can be: ‘Ugh, everybody has somebody, and I’ll die alone with my cats’ or: ‘Everybody can handle their tasklist, and I never have time for anything!’ When we think about ourselves from this position, we are never good enough. Sometimes we choose one work or life role (consciously or not) that we are so bad at that it’s pathetic, sometimes it’s all over the place. It depends on what level of low self-esteem we took with ourselves from our childhood into the adult life. People who are raising us most of the time has good intentions, but the wording and behavior they use is not so good or adequate to those intentions. Quadrant 4: Not-OK-Not-OK Not-OK – Not-OK quadrant appears when you think that you suck, but other people too, or you have this belief that the environment / organization / economy / world is bad. Example: ‘My goodness, I am so bad at this, but I cannot learn since I don’t have time for anything in this company. My manager always gives me more to do, the colleagues are not helpful at all, and I need to do everything on my own, even if I have no idea what I’m doing’. This is the ultimate, negative place, that we operate from the fixed mindset. We don’t see any opportunities, we use fatalistic view of the world, ourselves, our relationships, competences, organization we work with etc. Everything and everyone are bad, there’s no hope for the better. The Bottom Line The bottom line here is that we fall out of the first quadrant multiple times every single day. It’s impossible to stay there all the time, since we are triggered by different stressors, we have frustrated motivational needs and that’s why we go into distress. Being in another quadrant than the most optimal one is being conditionally OK: I’m (or the world) is OK only if… I fulfill a certain condition. The key thing is to recognize when (in which circumstances) we lose our optimal position and what can we do to faster come back to it. Also, what matters is how we behave in relation to others: our employees, team members, supervisors, stakeholders, colleagues, but also in private

15 September 2024 No Comments

Transactional Analysis

Process Communication Model (PCM): Imaginer

Do you know a person or two who most of the time are staying in silence, observing the world that is around them? During the meetings, a family dinner or other friends gathering they are not the kings or queens of the party, but you can tell that they are processing in their heads what they hear? That’s the Imaginer. The last (but not least) of six personality types in Process Communication Model. We’ve started the story about PCM HERE, then we’ve described the other 5: Persister, Thinker, Promoter, Rebel and Harmonizer. Today we’re adding the missing piece to our PCM puzzle, so we understand different people once we meet them, have them as team members or stakeholders in different circumstances (professional and private). For those of us who has little Imaginer energy (like myself), they might be the hardest to communicate with since they don’t say a lot of things out loud and their processes (i.e. decision making) are longer than in the rest of the types. Why is that? Let’s take a look! How do we recognize Imaginer? Imaginer is a person who experience the world through the lens of reflections (or inactions). Most of the time, they use their reflective mode: they have a lot of processes inside of their heads, so they see many different things in their brains. Sometimes it’s called inactions, since they don’t take action on what they reflect on until somebody says them so. How to recognize an Imaginer in the Base of personality? Again, the easiest way to make a strong hypothesis is to look for the key words that the person uses the most. For Imaginer it will be: “I imagine…”, “As I reflect on that…”, “In my head I can see…”, “I see it that way…”, “I picture…”. They say all that because they operate the best in their internal world. It doesn’t mean that they are antisocial (in a clinical way). I’m sure that you’ve experienced not once, not twice a person who doesn’t say anything, but you see their eyes moving or looking out through the window in intense internal process. That’s because there is a tough reflective sequence that’s happening in the head of that person. They have a lot of things inside them, a lot of options or scenarios they create in a certain situation. The recognition of Imaginer is also easier when we look on their non-verbal communication: like in the Thinker’s case, it’s a flat, computer face, with almost no mimics on it. Their voice is linear, monotonous, static. Their body is still, they don’t use movement to not waste the energy that they can invest in more internal reflective process. They don’t say much, but when they do, that’s what we can observe externally. If you see and hear it, that’s a strong indicator that there’s a Imaginer in the Base on the other side of the communication process. How to use it to get along with that kind of person? What does Imaginer need in communication? The Imaginer needs communication process where they have a chance to reflect on things. Once they do it, here’s a time to directly tell them to share what they have in their heads with us. Extremely important for them as well is to have a space, where they can be alone to reflect, and then they are ready to talk to us. To be efficient in communication with Imaginer, we need to use directive channel of communication. It’s the same story we had in the Promoter’s description: Imaginer needs to know exactly what to do and say to us. It means that asking them questions is not going to work, since they are not responsive to the requestive channel. How to do it right? Using the same example as before: when we want to delegate a task, so a chosen employee covers it, the great approach will be opening the conversation with a direct statement. “Hi Mike, I want you to take a task X. (Now we describe briefly what the task is about). Please tell me what showed in your head when I was describing it to you.” And we give them a moment to reflect. Pushing or rushing them is not going to work well, what can be hard, especially for Promoters and Rebels. They value Autocratic interaction style. It means that they are the most efficient when the other person just tells them what is there to be done and leave them alone, so they can go and focus on the delivery. Straight to the point, sometimes (especially for the people that are not so big fans of a directive communication channel) might look a little harsh or cold. It’s the same situation that we had in Promoter’s case, but the root cause is different. Promoter just needs to get the job done, and Imaginer needs to have direct communication, so they have a one communication and then they are left alone. Also, it helps them so they are not lost in the fog or the infinity of their imagination. Imaginer seeks to answer the existential question: will they come for me? Yes, they prefer to be alone, so they have a space and time to be in their reflective world. But they don’t want to be lonely: they need to have space to say out loud what they imagined. For them this sentence is the truth: Somebody will come for me = I’m valuable as a person A motivational need attached to this PCM type is It’s important to know it that sometimes for Imaginer the best way to help them is to leave them alone. It can be extremely difficult for Harmonizers, Rebels and Promoters, since their energy and need of contact is on higher level. They don’t understand how it is possible that a person can be so long on their own, sometimes even not leaving the house. Again: it’s not antisocial, it’s their way to

1 September 2024 No Comments

Leadership

Team Conflict: Is It Always a Bad Thing?

When we hear “conflict”, we think “trouble”. When we hear “conflict”, we think “dysfunctional team”, where communication doesn’t work, and people have personal issues. Or when we hear “conflict”, we think that leader doesn’t know how to lead his/her team successfully. Is that really true? Why are we so scared of a conflict? What is the worst thing that can happen when there is a conflict in the team? What kind of experiences we have with the conflict that make us think and behave in a certain way when one appears? Why do we avoid conflict? The real question should be: why do we avoid doing things in overall? In the area of conflicts, it’s extremely visible: we avoid it, because we burned ourselves once or twice. Based on that we make this strategy to not get involved in any kind of “risky” situation: so, we sit quiet and just focus on living through another day. Is it really the best option we can get? When a lack of conflict is dysfunctional, not the other way around? One of the biggest experts of team development and leadership, Patrick Lencioni, years ago wrote a book “5 Disfunctions of a Team”. It is a really short story (doesn’t even look like a personal/professional development book), yet it’s very powerful. And there is one part that stopped me when I first read it: Lencioni says that one of the dysfunctions of a team is a fear of conflict. What? (On the chart on the left-hand side there are definitions of all disfunctions and on the right-hand side there are solutions, that answer the questions: what is the best thing we can do here for our teams?) If we stick to our old believe that a conflict is something negative and destructive – that it ruins the trust and good atmosphere in the team, how is it possible that it’s actually the other way around? When we avoid conflict, not speaking up and be open about what do we really think, feel, or observe in the workplace, there is a huge risk of not being as effective and efficient as possible. It’s also short sided: if we are not sharing it now, it’s going to backfire in the future. So, at the end of the day, it will bring worse result than we imagine now. What’s even worse, people probably will talk behind other colleagues’ or leader’s backs, and not saying anything out loud. We can imagine that it will bring even worse outcomes, like really ruining the atmosphere, creating space for psychological games and in a consequence: lack of trust. The fear of conflict can be one of the biggest barriers that will stop people from growth, thrive and being the best versions of themselves in a workplace. What can we do to change this mindset? How can we use conflict that nourishes our team? The key thing to understand is that a certain kind conflict is something that we can use. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t, it really depends on what we are dealing with. There are 2 categories of conflicts, I call them functional and dysfunctional. What can we do with the dysfunctional conflicts? First and foremost: we need to map and name correctly which conflict is the real one in the situation we are dealing with. Without that, even the most beautiful strategy is not going to work, because we are going to answer to the wrong need. We’ll get frustrated and use all our energy badly. Focus on investigating will bring the best results, since then the solutions will be to the point: it’s more than certain that it’s worth investing time in this process. The bottom line The conflict is a huge, hairy, and scary thing that we often have very strong convictions about. We avoid it, by staying low, don’t speak up to not get into any confrontation. We do it because we don’t want to get hurt, expose ourselves to bad emotions, stress or feeling that we do not belong. Perfectly natural, there is nothing to be ashamed of. When we make a mindset shift: from fixed (focused on avoiding conflict) to a growth one, where we take into consideration that the conflict can be good for us, nourishing and interesting, we can gain more than we think. With remembering about having a good intention, being in OK-OK zone and with a goal of creating something extraordinary as a consequence of a passionate discussion, we can achieve the outcome that won’t be possible to achieve on our own. It puts old, good conflict in a completely new light. I believe it’s worth trying if it fits.

22 July 2023 No Comments

Organization

How To Teach Others Effectively?

Did you ever have a situation when you wanted to teach a person something? You explained everything, you put a lot of time and effort in it, and at the end of the day the person never learned anything? Or you gave somebody feedback because they didn’t do something correctly. And after the conversation it seemed that everything was okay, but after a couple of weeks or months the same mistake was done by the same person? Did you start getting angry, feeling disappointed or guilty: is it you or is it all about them? Were you persistent, sit with the person and explain the same thing 10 times? Or have you just decided to not bother anymore: since apparently this person doesn’t understand what you are saying? How many cases ends like a failure when we think about teaching others effectively? 20%? 50%? More than that? And how many of them don’t say that they don’t understand because they don’t want to look or sound stupid? What can we do to teach others better, so they can grow thanks to our knowledge and experience? And both sides don’t have the impression that they’ve wasted time on the doubtful effect? Why doesn’t learning process work so often? We can have the best intentions to teach others. In fact, most of the time we have those: we want people to be better in what they do, we share our knowledge, experience and what we’ve learned so far in a certain topic. Everything seems good in our head. The readiness to teach and an honest intention to do it is there. Let’s say we are a buddy to the new employee. We want to onboard this person, take care of them, pass all information about how this organization works. To prepare a new joiner to understand the new environment, how everything gets done, so they don’t waste time and get stressed or frustrated of running around in circles, looking for the right person to answer their questions. We have a plan, we start the process. We pass our knowledge, we teach the other person how to cover the goals we have as a team as well as possible. We check by asking: “do you have any questions?” or “is everything clear for you?”. And what is the answer on those two questions most of the time? 90% people goes with “no, all good, no questions”, “yes, all clear”. Is it your experience too? And it’s clear until it isn’t. We explained everything, checked with new employee and this is it: they start to work on their own. And there is one mistake. And then another one. We give feedback, all is clear again, they go and do the same mistake again. When we ask what they need to do it to have the result that we aim for, they say “nothing, all good”. Sounds familiar? Sometimes we teach, then we see that the work is not done with a result that we did contract for, we give feedback with an intention so next time it’s better. And it’s not better at all: sometimes it’s the same, or even worse. What is happening in between of this process, so the results are often so disappointing (for both sides)? Who we need to be to teach others well? There is a certain set of skills that people who want to be efficient and effective in how they teach others should have. Based on my teaching (others) and learning (from others) perspective, I believe that those are a golden list of competencies that make a person amazing guide to transform work and life of people that are around them. And we do know that you don’t need to be a school or academic teacher to use them. We share knowledge in so many ways every day: we teach our colleagues at work, our kids at home, we share some tips and tricks with our friends or family members, we pass value to the members of our community. What do we need to do it in the best possible way? The bottom line When we teach others, we are there for them. It can be super hard to stop the need to show that we the smartest persons in the room, but we must do it to be effective at teaching others. Remembering that the process where we teach something is for our audience (even if it is a one person), makes us take a step or two back from time to time and reflect on the way we do it. Is it for me, or for them? Where is my focus: on the process, or on the person? Do I care more about ticking all the boxes that I passed everything I had on the agenda, or I care about the change that I make in this person’s brain and heart? These are the questions that I invite all of us to ask ourselves every time we teach something. It will make everything we do better, more effective and efficient, and: we will be satisfied with the job well done.

16 July 2023 No Comments

Leadership

TEAMING: Why No One Teaches How to Be a Good Team Member?

Did you ever noticed that we teach leaders in countless growth programs, workshops, or mentoring processes how to be a great leader, and we almost never teach employees how to be great team members? To follow the TEAMING idea? Why is that? Is it more important to have qualified leaders than people who know how to work well together? We know it’s not true. A part of successful leadership is to have a team that has an ability to cooperate effectively, ideally to like and understand each other as people. During my post-grad studies in Transition Management area, one of the lecturers brought to the class a book named “Teaming: How Organizations Learn, Innovate, and Compete in Knowledge Economy” by Amy C. Edmondson. And while having a conversation about the teaming, people, communication and how it creates great (or not so great) organizations, I’ve started to wonder how all those dots are connected. How one thing influences the other and makes success or failure at the end of the day? How to think about TEAMING: is it even the real thing? What is TEAMING? TEAMING is a mindset. Based on Amy’s book, TEAMING is more about “being” with others in a certain way than “doing” things. Of course, the behavior is an important part of the whole idea, so we can tell that “behaving” is “doing”. But it’s not the point. The point is that TEAMING covers the way of working, behaving, making decisions in work environment where we don’t have a luxury of a stable team structures. Where individuals, teams, departments, and projects need to work together somehow, while the circumstances change all the time. So, TEAMING brings to the table collaboration based on an eagerness to learn, be better every day and communicate as well as possible, despite the constant change that never ends. And it never will, let’s be honest about it. Do we ever think about the qualities of a good team member? We for sure can list very quickly the qualities of a good manager within 30 seconds. But how about team members? Recently, I did this exercise with one group of leaders that I facilitated the workshop for. I asked them to give 2-3 things that they believe are qualities of a great team member. The results came up like this. So, as we can see, there are a lot of things connected with taking responsibility and do the job, but mostly there are things connected to “being” with others. A person who shares knowledge, taking care of other team members, listen, be brave, mentor others etc. Not many “transactional” elements are there as we can see. Interesting, isn’t’ it? How to lead a TEAMING process? As leaders, we have a lot of influence (more that we think we have) on how the work environment looks like for our people. Pretty often we don’t use this power because we don’t believe that it would work, we don’t know how to do it, or we are afraid that we’ll get different outcome from what we aim for by certain actions. We don’t believe that we can actually change something. Leading in TEAMING means using the mindset that will allow people to be a better team member. It consists of three things: A leader is responsible for creating a workspace for people to thrive. It’s all we need to do. Why don’t we teach people how to be great team members? It’s not very intuitive to start from teaching people about being a good team member. Definitively more classical way is to teach leaders how to be great and lead others successfully. But that way, we put all responsibility on the leader’s shoulders. I’m not saying that leader don’t need to grow, have certain set of skills, behaviors or mindset. But when we think about improving the ability of being a great team member, we divide the responsibility into all people that making a team: manager AND team members. Both parties need to participate in the process of team creation: it influences the level of engagement, being in control and a part of something more than just my own scope. Why don’t we do it more often? Maybe because it requires a mindset and approach shift, a creation of a new one to cover the different perspective. And it can be difficult, sometimes going far away into the stretch zone and recreate the growth options we have for people in the organization. What do we need to make that shift? Wouldn’t it be more efficient, nice, and engaging to have more than one people who takes care of different team building elements? Imagine that we all are taking part in building the environment where people are highly motivated, performing very well, create space to give different ideas and have sparing partners to discuss them? Where we learn from each other, share knowledge and the best ways of working? Sounds pretty cool to me. And for you?

7 July 2023 No Comments

Leadership

Leading With Agility: 3 Ways to Do It Well

Agility, being Agile, using Agile tools. For the last couple of years those words or phrases became viral: there are so many training sessions, certification programs, workshops and growth paths connected with this. Thinking in an agile way or leading with agility appeared in the job descriptions, since it looks like a leadership skill that is necessary in these crazy, fast pacing time where things are changing all the time. And yes, it is a quality that can be extremely useful, because the change was, is and will be with us no matter what, regardless of the period of history we live in at the certain moment. But I’ve seen many times that this subject was copied and pasted from the project management books (literally 1:1) and not really tailored to the context of managerial work. There are many common points of working as leader with the team and while being a project manager, but there are also many differences that need to be taken into consideration. To have useful tools, that can be implemented successfully, without frustration that it doesn’t work, or is not applicable at all to the certain circumstances. So today, we are going to go deeper into the subject and see how to lead teams with agility in 3 areas by using what is the best in agile into the reality of a manager. 1. Reshape your mindset (from fixed to growth) Leadership agility is a set of competencies, abilities and attitudes. But the most important thing of all this is mindset. Mindset combines all the thoughts, convictions, beliefs and abilities we have, and it creates the way we look at the world. These are the glasses that we put on to see and interpret what is happening around us. A leader that has a fixed mindset sees the world of restraints, sometimes without a perspective for it to improve. This person operates daily based on thinking about the change as a threat, something that can rob him/her from what they’ve work on so hard for years. They see new things as challenges to the status quo that are in their comfort zone, often by using the sentence: “it always worked, why to bother changing it?”. A leader with a growth mindset at the other hand has an open-minded perspective, she/he thinks holistically, looking for opportunities and space to learn every day. Every mistake is a chance to learn, be better next time and have a constant possibility to try different approaches, ideas, making their workspace a better environment for their people. When you have a fixed mindset as a leader, you will probably never go to the agility leadership space. Agile means adaptive, changing regarding the circumstances, tailoring the approach, response or reaction adequately to the current situation. To modify the way of leading people and business as needed. People with fixed mindset are not that flexible, they are not going to be able to do it. If you want to be an agile leader, you need to make a shift in your mindset. Move from fear to courage. From ended version to the iterative one, with a constant possibility to improve and adapt. Why it is important? Because if you have a fixed mindset, your people will have it too. They won’t grow exponentially; they are not going to be high-performing teams with an ability to achieve anything they want. They’ll stay in their comfort, safe space where it’s cozy and warm. But there is no chance to thrive in the comfort zone. 2. Look for opportunities to learn all the time Once the right mindset it there, the next steps on the journey are possible to implement. Leading with agility requires learning all the time: trying to find the best options, to improve the ways the team works, operates, solve problems or makes decisions. For a leader that works with people in that way, it’s crucial to seek for opportunities to grow every day. As mentioned in one of the previous articles: “If you didn’t fail today, it means that you haven’t pushed yourself hard enough. Be better tomorrow”. If you make a mistake, ask yourself: “What have I done well? What could I do better next time?”. Being an agile leader means using the right tools. Use retrospective with yourself on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Invest 3 minutes of your time each day to see what went really great, and what could have been better. It’s not a lot of time: every person can manage to do it. The key here is to prioritize it, to know what kind of advantage it brings to your table. That’s how we learn: remember 70/20/10 rule. 70% of the learning comes from day-to-day tasks, experiences, projects and many different situations we face. 20% is mentoring, feedback, observing others. And 10% is formal (or less formal) education, workshops, studies etc. Use your 70% daily, the best way you can possibly do it. Be mindful about what you do with your time, how you talk to your people, how you solve problems or create space of others to solve it by themselves. How you pass the responsibility to others, how you strengthen your team to be in charge of what they do. How you delegate tasks 100%, without being a nano manager, but with a trust in employees: that they’ll do their best to cover it, in the best quality they can. Talk to other people that you find experts in your field. Share knowledge, ways of working or experience you gathered all along the way, be curious about their experiences and learnings too. Follow them on social media, read or listen to the books, get inspired, try what they’ve done to see if it can work in some way in your case. Life the life-long learning value: this is the key to lead with agility. 3. Be adaptive, react and let people do the same Agility means adaptability. Reacting to changes, making the best of them.

23 June 2023 No Comments

Self-Development

What Kind of Rituals Do You Have in Your Life?

While running the other day, I was listening to the podcast by Lori Harder “Earn Your Happy: This Will Get You the Results You Want in Your Life Fast!”. And there was one sentence at the very beginning that stick with me, and I thought about it a lot afterwards. “If you have in your life the results that you are not very happy about, it means that you have a ritual that creates that kind of result”. So basically, it’s about connecting the dots between what we do and what kind of outcome we get because of making a certain decision (or not). It seems obvious, as well as the quote that I got from the podcast, but it dawned on me that many times in our life we don’t think that way. We look for guilty and blame the outside world for something happening to us. I can’t lose weight, because of my genetics (big bones). It’s impossible for me to take care of myself, because I have kids. I’m not becoming the entrepreneur, because I need financial stability that 9-5 job gives me. I feel bad after eating another piece of candy or slice of pizza, but I can’t help it. We all have those voices in our heads. They relate to all areas of our life and it’s natural to have them. Our brain tries to protect us all the time from being hurt, suffering or feeling disappointed. That’s how rituals are made. What kind of rituals in different life roles you have that bring you certain results? Let’s dig deeper into this subject today. Health Rituals What kind of rituals do you have regarding your health that give you certain results? Do you like those results? Are you healthy: physically and mentally? Sometimes we are surprised that we eat in some way, don’t work out or don’t take care of our sleep and we are tired, we gain weight, or we can’t focus. Examples of the bad health rituals and their results? At the other hand, there are some examples of good health rituals and their results: Do you see the difference? The rituals we have shape the results we get, the emotions we feel and the thoughts we have in our heads. If you don’t feel happy or satisfied with your health and body, it means that you have rituals in your life that give you that kind of results. What can you do differently in this area? How can you change your rituals to get some other results than before? Work Rituals Are you satisfied with your professional life? Are you who you want to be? Or you hate Mondays, waiting for Friday every single week and having a stomach age every Sunday afternoon? What kind of rituals do you have now connected with your work? Do you work every day 12-14 hours, barely see your friends or family and feeling constantly guilty about it? But you do it for them, right? So they have a good life, or you can spend time together travelling or hanging out in fancy places? Or maybe you just love what you do so much that you lose the track of time and that’s why you don’t have space for rest or anything else? Or maybe you didn’t participate in any training session, workshop, mentoring or coaching program for years and you are surprised that you are the last person in line to get promoted, younger people beat you in any category of activities and you are upset about it? The second scenario is that you invest time every day to be a better specialist, manager, entrepreneur or colleague for your teammates. Even if it’s just 5 minutes of reading or listening to the podcast that feed your brain, you do it consistently. And it pays out. Maybe you look for the opportunities all the time, seeking proximity to those people who achieved success, so you can learn from their experiences. The choice is yours. Many people look at all those experiences and say that it happens to them, the circumstances are not very good, it’s not a good time or economy. And it’s so not true. Rituals you have in your work-life have consequences that create your professional reality. Relations Rituals If your relationships are not looking like you wanted them to like, most people look for guilty outside of themselves. He/she is not behaving “like before”. I reached out twenty times, now’s the time for my friends to do the first move. My parents weren’t very supportive when I was a child, so now I’m going to punish them, and I won’t contact them more than every other Christmas. Or I’m so busy that I don’t have time to make a 5-minute call and check what’s up. What kind of rituals do you have in terms of the relationships in your life? And what kind of results are you getting from it? Do you spend time that you have together with your significant other by scrolling social media, instead of focusing on what the other person is talking about, and your relationship is falling apart? You are calling or writing to your friends only when there is an emergency or you need something, and they stop reaching you out? Or maybe when you with someone, you put your phone down and have a quality conversation with the other person, so you feel closer to each other every time you speak? Or maybe you call your parents every day, even if it’s just 5 minutes while you simply exchange what happened during the day and say that you love each other? Rituals that you have make the results you get. If you invest time, focus, good energy, care in the people that are around you, you have certain, mostly positive outcome. If you don’t, there is also an outcome: but I bet most of us prefer to have those results coming from the first scenario.

10 June 2023 No Comments

Self-Development

What To Do When You Are Not Sure?

We live in different places all over the world. We have different backgrounds, needs, ambitions, personalities. We want different things. But most of us, in some point of our lives had (or having regularly) one of the most limited thoughts in our head: doubt. Not being sure of something. We doubt in ourselves, sometimes because we were raised in a certain way (that’s how the convictions and drivers were made in our brain), sometimes because the environment that we live or work with at the moment isn’t very supportive. We doubt in ourselves because it’s a strategy of our reptilian brain (not a very good one though) to protect ourselves from the loss that we potentially can experience (it’s better to freeze or flight, not to take action). And sometimes it’s just a feeling of fear that we can lose what we already have, either it’s a matter of status, prestige, money, position (of and expert in a certain area), or somebody (it can happen when we move on and some people just leave behind). Fear of not being good enough, smart enough, expert enough. Enough for whom exactly? What can we do to be more sure, to not question every bigger step or a change that we want to try or implement in our life? How to convince ourselves that we are good/smart/ready enough to go for it, even when we know that we can fail? Let’s dig deeper into that area today. Inspired by Tony Robbins. (The important thing is that the elements are presented in the order as below, but it doesn’t mean that they should appear in every case in this particular one. You can start your story from the Belief and then go through Potential, Action and Result: it’s something that can work as well. It really depends on what kind of situation you are in at the moment.) Element no. 1: Potential Potential is an element that people have as a certain source of power, skills and value that they can give to others. It can be area in which we feel empowered, competent or we can potentially grow within it. It can be an idea to do something in a certain way, to fulfill a particular dream or plan to do something. We can say that a person has potential to be a great leader. Or a great parent, amazing doctor, outstanding journalist. Sometimes potential is a name of something intangible, something that it’s hard for us to even describe. In some cases it’s a gut feeling which tells us that a certain idea about doing something is just right. When you feel that you really want to do something, you go for it. Make the next step of an uncomfortable action, a decision that will bring you closer to fulfilling your potential. Element no. 2: Action One of the most important and yet difficult things to do is to take this uncomfortable action. To be scared but to do it anyway. It’s courage. To reach your full potential, to get and achieve what you want, to be better, smarter, more successful you need to do this. You need to take this one step further to see what is going to happen. When we are not sure what do or we struggle with making a decision we often wonder what we should or shouldn’t do. When we are not sure, sometimes we think about 10 different scenarios: pretty much a lot of them are just excuses to keep the status quo and not make any decision that can somehow threaten who we are. Action is necessary to try the hypotheses out, to challenge who we are and who we want to be. Without this step we can stay in the fear zone, without checking how the reality actually looks like. Taking action, even if it’s just one small step, is a starting point to living the life that you want to live. And it can be anything: making a call, writing to someone you don’t know, setting a boundary, saying “no” to eating something or spending time in a certain way. It can be making a short video and publishing it online or writing first article on the blog. It can be reaching out to a person that you really like, but you didn’t have courage to make a connection until now. Every single area of our live can be good as a start: it’s your decision where you want to take the action. Element no. 3: Results When you take action, you always get the results. They can be positive or not really what you aimed for, but there will be some, every single time. Every action triggers a reaction, it’s one of the basic rules of physics. Everything you do has its consequences. One of the most important things for our brain is to see the positive results of our decisions. When we get a certain type of confirmation that what we do has an impact, a result, a positive consequence, our brain gives us a dopamine shot that convinces us that we should keep going. It shows us that the moment of feeling uncomfortable while taking the step of action is worth it, because we have an actual piece of evidence that it’s working. Of course there is always a risk that you take an action and you fail. That’s okay too! And you know why? Because that’s the way you learn. As I wrote lastly about Sara Blakely and her father’s saying that “a day without a mistake is not a good day”. If your current convictions are whispering to your ear that every mistake makes you a looser, you can actually train your brain to think differently. You can shape your mind into taking every result that is not satisfying you into the retrospective process. This tool has its roots in the tech world, but it’s as good there as in personal development area. The ultimate

19 May 2023 No Comments

Self-Development

Does The Way You Feed Your Brain Influence Who You Are?

We often hear: “you are what you eat”. But not very often we reflect on how the content we are feeding our brain with makes us becoming a certain person. Depends on which sense(s) do you use the most while absorbing what is outside to build what is inside of you, the stimuli can be different and the ways of learning can be different for each of us. But what is the most important here is that we can become what we take, consciously or unconsciously. And by having more elements in the scope of control, we have more and more influence on how we shape our mindset. You can say: “I read every day, how my mindset can be in danger?”. The point is, reading or seeing something is not the only channel that influences our brain. Let’s divide the ways of feeding our minds, so you can reflect on how you shape your reality by the content you consume every day. The things you read For people who consume the most of their content from using the visuals (by reading, looking at things, observing what is around them, how things work etc.), feeding the brain that way will be the best option to grow. For those people by everything they see, they shape their mindset. It’s how they learn in the fastest way possible and how they build the understanding of the world that is around them. If you are a visual person, everything you read: books, articles, reports, documents, social media posts, comments under the YouTube videos etc.; it all has an influence on what you think, how you feel and what kind of decisions you make in your life. Does all of it has an impact on who you are and how do you feel about yourself and the world? Absolutely! Good, valuable, developmental content – regardless of what is the subject of it (business, career, relations, habits, health, spirituality – you name it) is the key to feed your brain with something that will nourish it. Not a pile of trash that contaminates your body. How to recognize if the piece of content is feeding or contaminating your brain? Reflect on how you feel after consuming it. It’s just like with the food: you feel different after having healthy, balanced meal in compare to the fast food that you eat within the 5 or 10 minutes in between the meetings, without even sitting at the table. Do you feel inspired, good about yourself and/or others? Do you have a new portion of energy that you can use to keep your momentum going? Or you feel bad about yourself, angry, guilty or you lose the whole hope for this world after you read the news for instance? (There is nothing good ever come from reading the news though: did you ever feel good after reading the news? Exactly.) The things you listen to Same story, different medium. This category is for people who consume the most of their daily content by listening (to other people talking, podcasts, radio, recordings, music, video – but only sound of it etc.). What they hear is who they become, how they create themselves in this world. When they don’t hear anything, they don’t learn, grow or they even have troubles with a simple existence. If you are in this bucket, check on what kind of things do you listen to on a daily basis? What kind of resources do you use to feed your listening need well? What kind of authors, storytellers? Audiobooks? Online courses? Or do you listen to the news and commercials on the radio? Or you listen to all of those whiny people that are talking about how this world is crazy, that changes all the time, is getting worse and worse? And again: how certain pieces of content make you feel? Energized, hopeful? Or rather disengaged, without any hope for the better tomorrow for yourself? The things you touch and experience For some people, reading or listening to something is not the way they experience the world that is around them. They need to touch, feel, make a physical connection with a certain object, situation, moment or other person. They don’t believe before they actually live through something or have something in their hand. You can either have the experiences that nourish you, or not. When we think about taking the best out of the moments that are happening for us throughout the whole life, there is always something that you can take with you, even when the situation is tough. It is about treating the day without a mistake or weaker moment as a wasted day. Do you plan your activities or they just happen TO you? Do other people decide on what you do, where you spend your time and energy on? Do you choose what kind of objects and spaces are around you: in the office, home, what kind of gym of open outdoor space you use? Do you have experiences after which you feed energized, inspired, happy, full of new possibilities? Or after what happens every day you feel dejected, sad, with no energy whatsoever? The people that are around you People are interesting species. They can be happy, inspired, successful, open-minded, loving, caring and determined. At the same time they can feel angry, sad, furious, disappointed, frustrated, depressed or not-loved. Depends on what kind of convictions we have in our brain that were constructed there at the very beginning of our lives, we either have a winning or a losing script. The winning script is a set of assumptions that we have about our life, ourselves, people and situations that are around us that support us in achieving our goals. The losing script is a set of assumptions that we have that is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy: that all we do brings us closer to destruction. Whatever we do, everything is going to end the way we predicted and

11 May 2023 No Comments

Self-Development

5 Ways to Make Your Life Exceptional Every Day

Many of us wait for the perfect day when a certain thing happen and then we can start doing what we dream of. When my kids are out for university, I’ll start travelling. When I retire, I’ll read every day. When I have X amount of money, I’ll start my own business. When I have X years of experience, I’ll share it with others. You name it, you get the idea. We often wait for a moment X to start doing Y. It sometimes makes sense, taking into consideration the basic need of safety, security of our finances, our family or a business. But pretty often it is just an excuse, waiting for something that might never happen. Why we do it? Mostly because we are scared of the change, we don’t like feeling uncertainty and taking uncomfortable action. How many times you’ve heard the sentence “you should be happy about what you have”, when you told somebody about your idea, business plan or a new habit that you want to build? How many times you’ve heard: “you should settle in, in your age it’s not appropriate to behave like that”, when you told somebody about the new passion or career path you want to go all in? I know I’ve heard it enough to agree to be mediocre, because other people couldn’t stand that I move and learn all the time. Because they felt uncomfortable. But I never leaned on it, I’ve stayed resistant to all of those voices that wanted to keep me with them where it’s “safe” (whatever that means). And today I want to share with you 5 elements that help me every day to stay on the right track, where I feel that I learn and I’m better than myself from yesterday. Despite the circumstances, hard times and other people that may not be able to do it for themselves. Inspired by Tony Robbins. Feed your brain with good content every day All of us learn differently. Basically, there are 4 types of learning styles: How do you prefer to learn? When do you remember the most (by using which way of learning)? Understanding our individual preferences is crucial to make a decision about how to feed our brain. Once we have a favorite medium, we can go to the choice of what we consume. And why this is so important to provide ourselves a good content? It’s like with this saying: “you become what you eat” or “you are the average of 5 people you spend the most of your time with”. What kind of content you absorb has a tremendous influence on how you think, how your mindset is formed and in a consequence of those: how you make your decisions about life and work. Good content means a content that makes you a better: person, employee, entrepreneur, writer, sales person, negotiator, analyst, manager, parent, friend, partner. Something that nourish your body and mind, that allows you to be a better human being that you were yesterday. This is the main frame you should use: don’t compare yourself with others, compare yourself with you from yesterday. Does your content support who you want to become? Or most of it is rather internet memes, social media bs or endless series watching one after another? Don’t get me wrong: that’s fine to get some rest, fun or amusement. The questions is: what is the ratio between the “fun without value” and valuable content you keep reading or watching on a daily basis? Spend 30 minutes every day on feeding your brain with something valuable and you will see a huge difference in your life. Feed and move your body How you treat your body is how you feel every day. If you eat trash food, you will feel like trash. Do you often have low level of energy? Do you have bad mood, feeling sad, angry or tired a lot? Do you feel physical pain in your body when you are in your 30s or 40s and nothing bad actually happens with your health? 90% of the cases like that happen because of a poor diet and being in sitting position for the whole day: at work and then on the couch. That’s how people in their 30s feel, behave and speak like they were in their 80s. Eat well, put in your diet as many super food as possible: fruits, vegetables, high-proteins, low-processed food, healthy fats. Move your body: go for a walk, jump, do push-ups, go for a run or swim. Do yoga, work on your balance or strength. The possibilities are endless, and don’t say that you don’t have time. It can be 5 minutes of jumping around with your dog or a kid. Or 10 push-ups while waiting for a coffee to be ready. When the body doesn’t move, it dies. I guess that you don’t want to die anytime soon, right? Find role models When we think about the last hundreds of years that people have been living on this planet, there were a lot of very smart, successful (in different areas of life) women and men that have been discovering one thing after another. And nowadays, most of us have unlimited access to everything that was gathered through all of this time. We don’t need to reinvent the wheel in many situations and contexts: we just can reach for it’s already there, redesign it a little bit so it fits ours current needs and just go for it. Lazy? Not at all. That way we can simplify everything we do, and spend energy where it is really important and where it can really change something. Go and use Google or ChatGPT. Ask about 10 best people in the area that you want to master (again: as a person, parent, partner, entrepreneur, employee, manager, writer, you name it). Read, watch, listen every piece of document that is available about that person. Absorb it. Choose what resonates with you

14 April 2023 No Comments

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