Why is it so hard to start (and keep going)?

Self-Development

Think about one thing you wanted to start doing, but you’ve procrastinated it this week. What was it? Was it a task at work? If yes, what was it about? Was it a workout or a morning run? Was it a 5-minute reading time? Was it cooking a healthy meal? Was it a phone call to somebody? Was it an article that you have opened in one tab of your browser since last year?

Now think about one thing from last week that you thought about and you’ve started doing it right away. What was it? How much time it took? How did you feel after doing it?

Why we do some things right away, and procrastinate others? Even if they are on our task list, in a beautiful New Year’s resolution spreadsheet or a habit building app. Why is it so hard to start doing something we do know that is for our own good, to keep us better in what we do at work, more successful, healthier, smarter, better in relations?

And why some people are doing great with everything, can make time for every part of their live and some people just aren’t?

You become what you believe

It’s not about magical thinking, because there is no such thing as a change happening overnight, without any effort. If you read or see an ad that promises you loosing 10kg per month or being fluent in a foreign language in 2 months, you need to hear this – it’s not going to happen. Even if you really believe in it, it’s just not possible.

And it’s not about being positive all the time, because we know that’s not possible too. We have a wide range of emotions, joy is only one of them. And to build awareness, we need to acknowledge that we are going to be sad, angry, scared, frustrated, excited or enthusiastic. It’s all part of who we are as human beings and resenting that is not going to change how it works.

But we have control over what we think, how we shape those thoughts in certain circumstances.

If you think that you are not smart or competent enough to change the job for a better one, you are never going to apply to any role that is out there on the market.

When you sit on the couch, watching another series on Netflix, never going out or meet other people because you think that you are fat, ugly and nobody will ever love you – you rob yourself from the opportunities to actually meet somebody who will.

If you think that you can’t say “no” to other people, you do everything for them without even thinking about your own health because you don’t want them to stop likening you – you are never going to say “no” and protect yourself.

Not good enough. Not smart enough. Too old to do this. Too young to do that. Who am I to tell others how to live? What do I know – I live in a small city. Too fat. Too skinny. Don’t have talent to do XYZ.

You become what you believe. If you believe that you are not going to achieve anything, you are not. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you can do is to change your mindset. If you believe that you are enough, that you can learn, ask for help or guidance and actually succeed – it is going to be easier to start, to make baby steps, see what happens and keep going. It can be hard, but it’s going to be extremely satisfying when you’ll see the results of who you are becoming. Every day a little better than the person who you were yesterday.

Scenario 1: Not so easy to start, but easy to keep going

Sometimes it’s not easy to start. You don’t believe in yourself, you don’t have money, time, support, or you just don’t have skills to do something.

And if something like that is in your head, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. Until the times are better. Until the economy is up again. Until your spouse or friends will be more supportive. Until you learn. And all of the sudden, weeks, months and years pass, and nothing changes.

Oh wait, something actually change.

You are more and more frustrated and disappointed of your life.

Remember this little exercise from the beginning of this article? What was this thing that you’ve started doing right away? The key question here is: why? Was it easy to do? Did it bring a quick result? Was it fun? Was it a part of your passion, something you love doing? Was it a part of your value, of who you are as a person?

When things are not so easy to start, it often means that:

you don’t have competencies to do it,
they are not bringing you any fun or satisfaction,
they are not linked to your passion or something else you love,
they are not linked to your values.

The rest of the reasons (about the time, money, support etc.) is bs. There are just excuses to not doing things, because it’s uncomfortable, scary or unpopular.

If you want to start doing something, find the link to what’s already there in yourself. If you do that, it’s going to be easier to keep going, because the connections will strengthen your self-esteem and confidence that you actually can do it. You’ll make time, you’ll figure out how to raise the money you need. When you really want to do something and it’s close to your heart, you’ll figure out the way.

Scenario 2: Easy to start, not so easy to keep going

Sometimes we are super motivated, triggered by something and we start doing a thing. We buy pretty clothes, new shoes and we start exercising, like running or going to the gym. We put a pile of books on a bedside table, and we start reading. We start getting up earlier, motivated to join 5AM club.

And generally, after a couple of days we quit. Gym card stays in the drawer, books gather dust, and we start using the snooze option again.

If we started doing something it means that we can do it, we have a competency that is needed to move forward with a certain thing. So it’s not like we don’t know how. What happens then?

We lose motivation – this spark that started everything is not as bright as at the beginning or is gone. And it’s gone because this thing we started doing wasn’t connected to our values, didn’t bring any fun or joy, we just didn’t like doing it at all. Or we’ve expected quick results and it didn’t happen. “Expectations are disappointments” – I’ve heard this sentence once during a training session for Agile HR. If you expect that a certain thing will happen, you can get disappointed very easily, and let’s be honest: it’s not a good feeling. We expect too much and that’s why it’s so often easy to start and not so easy to keep going.

If you want to keep going, start things that are close to your heart. Make goals, find out how to check if you achieve them. Focus on one thing at a time. Start small, get used to the thing and then add some more. We all want quick results, it’s natural to see that our effort means something. Feed your brain, let it see that what you do makes sense – that’s how you immune yourself to quitting.

What about: just do and see what happens?

Regardless of what you want to do, is it finding a new job, starting doing a course, reading a book, learning a foreign language, exercising, having healthier diet, the mechanisms are the same in each case. The most important thing is just to start acting on what you want to do. Of course structure is important, goals helps, moving forward is crucial. But keep going to what makes thing meaningful.

If you do a small thing consistently, every day, the compounding effect is going to start working. And remember that things are linked together, so if you start doing one thing, this new muscle helps the other one to stick together with the previous one. Just do things, don’t overspend time on analyzing, see what serves you and what doesn’t. Make smart decisions, invest your time as well as you can.

We all know that time is the most valuable currency. The question is – what are you going to do with yours?

Udostępnij

Komentarze

0 0 votes

Article Rating

1 Komentarz

Oldest

Newest Most Voted

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

Czytaj także

Leadership

Why Leaders Quit Learning and How to Overcome It?

In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of continuous learning cannot be overstated, especially for leaders. However, many leaders find themselves ceasing to learn over time, which can have huge (and negative) effects on their organization, team and their personal growth. Understanding why leaders quit learning and finding solutions to these challenges is crucial for sustained success. Here are five essential reasons why leaders stop learning and how they can overcome these obstacles. 1. Success is already achieved, right? Many leaders become satisfied after achieving a certain level of success. They feel that their current knowledge and skills are sufficient to maintain their position and continue leading effectively. This state can lead to stagnation and a lack of innovation: can be a fog that stop us from seeing things clearly. Sometimes it’s also connected with: “I’ve learned something 2/5/10 years ago and it worked. Why should I bother learning something new?!”. Sure thing, we can use the knowledge and experiences from the past. But we also know that the world changes all the time. And the speed of those changes is extremely high. Solution? Leaders should cultivate a mindset of lifelong learning. Embracing the idea that there is always more to learn can keep them motivated. One practical approach is setting personal learning goals each year, quarter, month (or even a day), such as reading / listening to a certain number of books, attending workshops, or enrolling in online courses. For instance, Bill Gates is known for his habit of reading 50 books a year, which keeps him informed and inspired. 2. Overwhelmed by Responsibilities Leaders often juggle multiple responsibilities, leaving them with little time or energy to focus on learning. The demands of their roles can make it challenging to prioritize personal and professional development. AKA: “I don’t have time or energy”. This sentence barely goes through my throat since for me, there’s no such thing as lack of time. It’s only a lack of priority. Solution? Task and energy management is a key. Leaders should schedule dedicated time for learning activities, just as they would for any other important meeting. This might include setting aside an hour each day for reading or listening to educational podcasts during commutes. Additionally, delegating tasks and empowering team members can free up time for leaders to focus on their growth. The key is to get the time back, not to use constantly the old excuse. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I couldn’t agree more. 3. Fear of Vulnerability Admitting a lack of knowledge or skill can make leaders feel vulnerable, especially if they believe it might undermine their authority. This fear can prevent them from seeking new learning opportunities. Also, it’s necessary to step into the uncomfortable while learning. It might mean making mistakes, that… other people can see! (OMG, that’s the end of the world!). We have so many limiting beliefs in our brains and this on should be on the top of our lists to exchange with a new one immediately. Solution? Embracing vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness is essential. Leaders can create a culture of learning within their organizations by openly sharing their own learning journeys and encouraging others to do the same. For example, Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, promotes a “learn-it-all” culture rather than a “know-it-all” approach, which has been instrumental in transforming the company. 4. Lack of Feedback Without regular feedback, leaders may not be aware of areas where they need improvement. This lack of insight can lead to a false sense of competence, discouraging further learning. And there are so many new skills (technical / SME-oriented, and social / leadership) that sometimes we simply don’t know what to choose. It’s not surprising! And when we don’t know where to focus, we often choosing not doing anything at all. Solution? Seeking feedback from supervisors, peers, mentors, and team members can provide valuable insights into areas for growth. Leaders should actively solicit constructive feedback and use it as a foundation for their learning plans. Implementing a regular asking mode, even if it’s just sending a short e-mail to 10 people once per quarter with the note: “Hi! I just wanted to ask you for 2 things. What I do well when we work together? What can I do better?” This way we actively seek information with examples from people that can really answer those questions. Easy, simple and doable: how does it sound as a quick implementation idea? 5. Rapid Technological Changes The rapid pace of technological advancements can be intimidating, especially for leaders who are not tech-savvy. The fear of not keeping up with the latest trends can discourage them from trying to learn about new technologies. 2 weeks ago, I’ve started a new growth path in one of the companies I work with. I included some AI tools to show them how they can use the tech tools so they get their time back that they spend right now on repetitive, easy tasks, so they can invest it somewhere else. A bunch of people at the end of the workshop said: “You know what, Alex? It’s all great, extremely useful. But after this workshop I see how big of a gap I must fill out.”. It wasn’t my intention at all! I gave them 3-4 tools + one platform that they can use as a browser if they want to cover a specific need. And that was all! But the feeling or a though in themselves was so strong that we needed to spend a while on addressing that properly. Solution? Leaders should focus on building digital literacy by starting with the basics and gradually advancing their skills. Enrolling in beginner-friendly courses or workshops can help demystify technology. Additionally, partnering with tech-savvy team members or hiring digital consultants can provide guidance and support. The most important thing? Start small. You don’t need to be an expert

Czytaj dalej

16 November 2024 No Comments

Leadership

5 Biggest Leadership Feedback Mistakes

As a leader, giving feedback is an essential part of your role. However, there are some common mistakes that leaders make when delivering feedback that can have huge effects on the individual, the team, and the organization as a whole. As we want to be as efficient as possible and not waste time or effort on insufficient communication, it’s important to be aware of these pitfalls and have ready-to-use ways to avoid them. Here are five things that leaders shouldn’t do while giving others feedback, along with examples of the potential consequences that you can save yourself from. Ready? Let’s dig in. 1. Being overly critical without providing constructive guidance One of the biggest mistakes a leader can make when giving feedback is being overly critical without providing constructive guidance. For example, if a team member presents a project and the leader simply says, “This is terrible,” “A monkey would do it better” without offering any specific feedback or suggestions for improvement, it can be incredibly demoralizing for the person. This kind of feedback can lead to a huge decrease of intrinsic motivation and confidence in the team member, as well as a thud in an overall team morale. In the long run, it can also result in a decrease in productivity and innovation within the organization. This is not a feedback from OK-OK quardant at all. We were talking about it why it is crucial to speak from this space in the article and podcast, but I will say it one more time. If you are not in an OK-OK zone, first thing you need to do is to go back there, by covering your motivational needs and only then move to the conversation with the other person. Without that, the conversation will always be stresful, full of aggresion, manipulation or withdrawal of one or both sides. 2. Failing to tailor feedback to the individual’s communication base Another common mistake is failing to tailor feedback to the individual’s communication preference. For instance, if a leader gives feedback in a direct manner (Promoter) to an employee who prefers a more empathetic and nurturative approach (Harmonizer), it can lead to miscommunication and misunderstandings. This can result in a breakdown of trust and rapport between the leader and the team member, as well as hinder the individual’s ability to fully understand and act on the feedback. Ultimately, this can impact the team’s cohesiveness and collaboration, as well as the organization’s overall communication effectiveness. When we use a one-size-fits-all approach, we are so surpried that the feedback doesn’t land. Or sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. So we blame people, sometimes by saying: “What is so hard to understand?!” or “Others get it and you can’t!”. Basically: it’s about you, not about me. So it has a huge cost, for us as leaders, and for our team as well. Let’s not be mad on others: we can be mad on an educational system that doesn’t teach us communication at school, but both ways are a waste of time. I would say that we rather invest this time in learning and practicing on how to match the needs of the other person and crafting feedback so it’s custom-made. 3. Using feedback as a means of control or manipulation Using feedback as a means of control or manipulation is another mistake that leaders should avoid. For example, if a leader gives feedback with the intention of pushing a team member into conforming to their own agenda or way of thinking, it can create a toxic and disempowering work environment. This kind of behavior can lead to resentment and disengagement among team members, as well as a lack of creativity and initiative within the team. Over time, it can also result in high turnover rates and a negative reputation for the organization. We are coming back again here to the OK-OK mode. If we don’t have a positive intention while sitting at the table with an employee, there’s no chance to end the meeting with an agreement. At least, not with the honest one. There’s a 4A Feedback Guidline that was created by Reed Hasting at Netflix. And the first A is an “Aim to assist”. Always have that in mind. You don’t have it? Go find it, and then sit with a person to have a proper conversation. 4. Ignoring the emotional impact of feedback Ignoring the emotional impact of feedback is another critical mistake that leaders often make. Regardless of the personality base of the person, if it’s a Harmonizer or anybody else, it always has an impact on a person. Mostly because we have so bad feedabck experiences from the bast that on each sentence that includes “feedabck” in it, we respond with a higher stress level right away. That kind of lack of awareness and insensivity can result in increased distress (negative stress) and anxiety level for the team member, as well as a decrease in their overall well-being and job satisfaction. Going further, it can lead to the high level of resistance, being close to the suggestions or ideas of the leader. In turn, this can lead to higher levels of absenteeism and decreased productivity within the team, ultimately impacting the organization’s bottom line. So I say: let’s be more mindful, check with people how they are doing before, during and after the conversation. Ask for feedabck for ourselves: what we do really well? And what can we do better when it comes to leading those conversations? Each situation is an opportunity for us to learn and be better next time. It’s like training and strenghtening a muscle. 5. Failing to follow up on feedback Finally, failing to follow up on feedback is a mistake that can hinder an individual’s growth and development. For example, if a leader provides feedback on a specific area for improvement but fails to follow up with ongoing support and guidance, it can lead to stagnation and a lack of progress. This can

Czytaj dalej

9 November 2024 No Comments

Leadership

Leading Edge: 7 Things the Best Leaders Do Daily

We talk so much about what leaders do wrong. What kind of mistakes they make, what skills they lack of or why people leave them. And as it’s important to be conscious and honest, it’s also quite depressing. Are we all really that bad in what we do? Of course not! Every day I see a lot of good behaviors, reactions and habits that leaders do, and it makes them great for their people. We tend to focus on the gaps and not seeing the gains: that’s why I think a lot of us fail miserably. Because of the constant feeling or thought of not being enough. What sets the best leaders apart from the rest then? Let’s dig deeper into this one today. #1 They Lead by Example The best leaders don’t just talk the talk, they walk the walk. They set an example for others to follow by embodying the values and principles they expect from their team. Whether it’s showing up early, staying late, or going above and beyond in their work, the best leaders lead by example and inspire others to do the same. The same thing applies when it comes to the growth: how on Earth team members should be focused on learning when they don’t see it in their leader? It’s about both, skillset and mindset. Being better version of ourselves every single day. It’s like with children: they model what we do more than listen to what we say. Of course, words have a huge power, but it’s all about action. Where the focus goes, the energy flows. #2 They Use Communication Intelligence Communication is key in any relationship, and it’s especially important in a leadership role. The best leaders are able to clearly and effectively communicate their vision, expectations, and feedback to their team. They are also great listeners, open to feedback, and willing to have difficult conversations when necessary. This is all about communication intelligence: to be able to listen or read (depending on the situation), make strong hypothesis who is speaking to us on the other side and tailor the communication accordingly. Then to mindfully observe if it’s landing how we aimed it for. If yes, great! If not, change it: there’s always space to improve, to shape the communication better. It’s like a muscle on the gym: weak at the beginning, but it strengths up every time you train. #3 They Empower Their Team The best leaders understand that they can’t do it all on their own. They empower their team by delegating tasks, providing opportunities for growth and development, and trusting their team to make decisions. By empowering their team, the best leaders create a sense of ownership and accountability that drives success. Sometimes I see leaders that are not delegating tasks and then they are surprised by two things. Number 1 is that they are exhausted from doing everything on their own. Number 2 is that the team is not improving their skills, so they can’t trust to give them the more difficult or advanced tasks. No kidding, right? It’s a vicious cycle: if they don’t do it, they’ll never learn. You have a lot of Juniors in your team? Take baby steps. Give small tasks, recognize for what they need and then move to the next level. #4 They Inspire and Create Motivational Work Environment Great leaders have the ability to inspire and create that kind of environment that will create high level of intrinsic motivation in their team to achieve greatness. Whether it’s through their passion, enthusiasm, or ability to paint a compelling vision of the future, the best leaders are able to ignite a fire within their team that drives them to go above and beyond. Those leaders understand that we all are individuals, with different needs, hungers, aspirations, values and desires. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach: if we are leaders, we need to tailor the elements of the environment so it’s good for the whole team. It’s like with tailoring communication that we mentioned before. Not easy, but necessary (if we want for our people to thrive and not quit of course). #5 They Adapt to Change The best leaders understand that change is inevitable and are able to adapt and thrive in ever-changing environments. They are flexible, open-minded, and able to pivot when necessary. Instead of resisting change, the best leaders embrace it and see it as an opportunity for growth and improvement. The key word here? The Growth Mindset. Without the mind that wants to learn, sees opportunities in every situation (especially those that are uncomfortable, new or challenging) and believes that things are happening FOR us, not TO us. Do you want to have a leader like that? Yeah, me too. #6 They Foster a Positive Culture The best leaders understand the importance of creating a positive work culture. We have so much darkness around us, so much pain, war, diseases, troubles, scarcity. If we stay in the work environment that focuses on the same mindset, we’ll attract more of that. As mentioned before: where the focus goes, the energy flows. If we focus on what’s wrong, hard, on all of those bad changes that are happening in the organization, we’ll get more of the dark side of life and work. But, if we focus on what’s right, on the abundance of options, opportunities to learn, meet and growth with new people, use mentorship, create value for others what do you think we’ll get more of? Exactly. #7 They Lead with Integrity Integrity is a non-negotiable quality for the best leaders. They lead with honesty, transparency, and a strong moral compass. Even if they don’t have the full knowledge, they share with the team what they know and can give them to cut off the rumors or fear. They hold themselves and others accountable for their actions and always do what is right, even when it’s

Czytaj dalej

2 November 2024 No Comments

Why is it so hard to start (and keep going)?

You become what you believe

Scenario 1: Not so easy to start, but easy to keep going

Scenario 2: Easy to start, not so easy to keep going

What about: just do and see what happens?

Udostępnij

Komentarze

Czytaj także

Why Leaders Quit Learning and How to Overcome It?

5 Biggest Leadership Feedback Mistakes

Leading Edge: 7 Things the Best Leaders Do Daily

New Leadership Online Course!