Why Are We So Frustrated as Tech Leaders?

Leadership

Just think about it for a moment. When was the last time you were angry, pissed off, or frustrated with the other person as a leader?

Your direct report didn’t deliver something on time or to the quality that you wanted them to deliver?
A person promised to do something, and they didn’t?
Or a person asked you a question, you answered, and then they came back with the same question one time, two times, three times, five times?

When was the time when you agreed on something? You made a contract on who is doing what: With the client, a contractor, or a vendor; you delivered your part, and they didn’t? Or they did, but the quality of the work was not so good, and you got angry, you thought a lot of not-so-nice things, and maybe you even behaved in an aggressive way.

If you’re nodding right now, you’re in the right place. In this article, I’m going to give you answers on why you get so upset when things like that happen, and what to do to manage it better. Let’s go into it.

Why am I reacting like that?

Do you know people who, even if something’s going on, are calm? It might seem that they don’t even care when you look at them. They’re all chilled out. And then, it’s you: Frustrated, angry, mad at others. Burning up, losing energy, and being exhausted at the end of the day. Is it your reality?

If yes, it means that from a personality perspective, you have a strong Thinker or a Persister floor in your Personality Condo. Maybe a Promoter as well, if you are getting angry with people for being too slow (in your frame of reference, of course). It means that your beliefs about yourself in the world go like this:

Thinker: “People need to be competent, deliver work on time, efficiently covering what’s there to be done”.
Persister: “People need to be trustworthy, fulfilling the contracts that we have for delivering things, following processes we have in place”.
Promoter: “People need to be strong, fast, and self-sufficient. They need to act, instead of talk or analyse all the time”.

If we have convictions like that in our brains, and it is our default way of working, every person who’s not doing things like that will make us angry or resentful. It’s mostly unconscious, and until we start learning more about Communication Intelligence (CQ), it’s an automatic thinking pattern we go into in every situation that jeopardises how we think the world should look.

Eustress vs Distress

The answer to why we’re reacting in an aggressive or manipulative way when we have those thoughts in our brains is that we are in distress. Let’s unpack the stress part, since it’s not very often described in two ways: Eustress and Distress.

Eustress is a positive stress. It:

mobilizes us to take action;
positively influences ourselves and people around us;
keeps us in strengthening beliefs, pushes us to do things that bring extraordinary results.

Eustress is a feeling of excitement, a little bit of adrenaline rushing through our veins, making us brave to go into the uncomfortable. Like being on the stage, sharing things we are truly passionate about with the thought in our brains that we can really change something while sharing it with the world.

But, as always, there’s a dark side to the story.

Distress is a negative stress. It:

is an automatic sequence of thinking, reacting, and doing things (or not doing them at all);
negatively influences ourselves and the people around us;
keeps us in limiting beliefs, takes us away from the access to the resources we have in ourselves (intellectual, emotional, cognitive, etc.).

We go into distress most of the time right away in two situations:

We don’t have our physiological needs covered;
We don’t have our motivational / psychological needs covered.

So, if you’re hungry, thirsty, you haven’t been in the bathroom for hours, you lack sleep or physical touch of a close person, your body is upset, which makes it distressed.

And if your motivational needs connected to your personality Base are not covered, your brain and soul are upset, which makes it distressed.

Distress is visible when we are anxious, our heart is beating fast, our blood pressure is high, our voice, hands, and knees are shaking, sometimes we have a sore throat, and we can’t even say a thing. It’s when we forget everything we wanted to say, even if we’re well-prepared and equipped. It’s when we lose the brain-spine connection, and we start to behave extremely weirdly, like we’re not ourselves anymore. That’s where the anger, frustration, and consequently, burnout comes.

What can we do about it?

The awareness is one thing (super important), but action is crucial. Some things will be transferable for every personality Base, and some will be tailored. Let’s start with the individual ones, connected with the 3 types we’ve talked about above:

For Thinkers: Make clear contracts, share tasks and responsibilities transparently, and put deadlines whenever you can. Ask for feedback for your efficient work delivered regularly. Structure your day / week, book slots for deep work in your calendar, and protect your time.
For Persisters: Make clear contracts, double-check if people have everything they need (resources, skills, technology, etc.) to work efficiently. Ask for feedback for your principled work regularly. Share your convictions with others and have a conversation when you can gather positive recognition for what you believe in.
For Promoters: Make a plan and follow it. Remember that not all people work as fast as you, so give them more time before the deadline is due. Take care of the diversification of what you do, so you don’t get bored too quickly. Plan some adrenaline rushes in your private and/or work life.

The things you can do to protect yourself from going into distress that are universal to all personality bases are not fancy. I don’t think that anything from that list will surprise you, but the question is: Do you really do it regularly?

Going to bed and getting up approximately at the same time every day (+/- 30 minutes)?
Having a good-quality sleep (waking up with at least 80% of body regeneration)?
Drinking water, at least 6 glasses a day?
Eating healthy foods (unprocessed, avoiding sugar, dairy, alcohol)?
Moving your body regularly (walking, working with a standing desk, workouts)?
Spending time with people who give you energy, not rob you of it (energy vampires)?
Setting healthy boundaries, protecting your time and energy?

Like I said, nothing fancy. Nothing that you wouldn’t be familiar with before. But check on the list what you actually do, and which ones you neglect. If you’re not sleeping well, you eat junk food, and you sit all day, no kidding, you’re angry, and you snap at people often.

Leaders, especially in technology, where things are changing like crazy faster than in other places, need to be very focused on how they treat their bodies, brains, their time, and energy. If you want to be a leader that is successful, creating a work environment for people to work efficiently and effectively, you need to be the best version of yourself.

And it’s not the angry, frustrated, and burned-out version.

PS. If you want to check out your Burnout Level, go and take the Burnout State Quiz!

Udostępnij

Komentarze

0 0 votes

Article Rating

0 komentarzy

Oldest

Newest Most Voted

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

Czytaj także

Leadership

Why So Many Tech Leaders Don’t Listen?

Communication Intelligence is always first about understanding what we do. And there’s one skill in there that a lot of Tech Leaders are not treating with respect. Not a lot of them focus on that one, and it costs a lot. I’m talking about the listening skills. When I was doing the research for the book that I’m going release soon, I was thinking about different angles of CQ. All of the algorithms that people are using consciously or mostly unconsciously when communicating with other people, especially when being leaders. And there are so many courses, books, podcast episodes, articles, YouTube videos, and TED Talks about speaking, public speaking, or speaking to others. But it dawned on me that there are not a lot of courses and other sources of knowledge about listening. And I’ve started to wonder why that is. I think it is because we think that listening is so easy. You just need to sit and listen, right? Nothing further from the truth. To make a little mindset and skillset shift in this area, today I’ve decided to give you 4 types of listening and some active listening tools and techniques for tech leaders. Let’s dig in! 4 Types of Listening There are 4 types of listening that tell us more about our intrinsic, mostly unconscious motivations: Why do we even go into the conversation with other people? Listen to reply. This is what most of the people do. We listen only to make a moment for ourselves to tell something. We are not listening for other reasons. And if we have this habit of not interrupting, we just cannot wait to jump in and say something. Most of the time, for us is to share information. So, saying what we know, what we have in our brains. We are not there to do anything more than reply. Listen to understand. In this type, people paraphrase, they ask additional questions; they can tell something like: “OK, this is interesting; tell me more.” They can say something with their own words, like: “OK, so I understand from what you’re saying that… Is that correct?” It is to understand, without guessing. Listen to connect. When people want to connect with us, they go deeper. They talk about something important for them, and they share reflections, opinions, values, thoughts, or emotions. They want to connect and find something meaningful for both sides. So, they ask more, they are more attentive, they’re curious about the other person, with an intention to build a relationship (regardless of the context). Listen to co-create. I’m listening to you to create something together, to make some value, to create a solution, to solve a problem, to create a functionality together, or to make a change. We are co-creating something, building a thing that can be valuable or useful for other people. So, I’m listening to what you’re saying, you’re listening to what I’m saying, and we make the synergy from those two things to create something together. Statistically, most people are listening only to reply. Secondly, they listen to understand. Then they listen to connect with some, and very few listen to co-create. The question is: Why is it happening in that order? From my observations and experiences with different leaders, teams, and organizations, it happens because of the way we work and the pressure we have (external and internal). So, my advice for you here is to just reflect on what you do. Next time, when you are going to have a conversation with somebody, just be more aware of how you respond to them and what you’re doing. What do you have in your brain? What is your priority for the conversation? What is the goal of the conversation? It can be private, and it can be professional (maybe private even is going to be more insightful). If you’re only talking, talking, talking, talking to vomit information on the other… Make a pause and observe: “Hey, I’m doing it. How can I be in a different bucket, more curious about the other person, more attentive to what they’re saying, more observant of them?”. Start with that small step, notice the difference. And how to do it? Here’s a list of simple techniques to strengthen your listening leadership muscle. Active Listening Techniques for Tech Leaders #1 Paraphrasing It’s literally repeating what the other person said with a few different words. It’s the simplest tool to check if you got what was told, not assuming that you did. You can start with: “What I’m hearing is…” or “From what you say, I understand that…”. Facts, not opinions. Even if you are a Base Persister, you need to stick to the information without using much of your own frame of reference. Paraphrasing is for you to confirm understanding and de-escalate any misunderstandings that can appear during the conversation. #2 Asking open-ended questions This is the one that a lot of people struggle with. What I observed over the years of working with people from different cultures, it differs from culture to culture. Some countries have a preference to ask closed-ended questions to maintain harmony and avoid confrontation (i.e., Poland, Japan, Korea, Latin America, India). And some of them ask more open-ended questions to drive clarity and efficiency in discussions (i.e., USA, the Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Arab countries). Asking closed-ended questions is fine if you want to get a straight, yes/no answer. But especially during workshops when we train with leaders on how to give feedback or just use the requestive PCM® channel, it appears how often they use this type of question by coincidence, purely unconsciously. And they’re so surprised that they don’t get the answer they aim for: Especially when they ask a closed-ended question with negation inside (i.e., “Don’t you think that’s a good idea?”). Open-ended questions directed to the Base Thinker or Persister will open a whole new conversation. You can get to know so much, only from changing one piece of

Czytaj dalej

4 January 2026 No Comments

Self-Development

2025 Lessons That I Take With Me for 2026

I would never say that I’m going to be that person, but this year it seems proper. I’d like to share with you my biggest lessons, gleaned from various aspects of my life. Because we can talk a lot, but the actions are what make the whole talking meaningful. That’s why I’ve decided to share what I’ve learned this year, so you can get inspired, see how my brain works, and maybe make some plans for yourself for 2026 using this sparkle. 2x Business Takes Time and Effort It was a year of hustle. Saying goodbye to safe options, making bold decisions about ending some partnerships, and going all in on who I really want to be as a Founder and Leader. Those decisions are never easy, but I’ve learned that if I want to go into the next level, I need to be scared but do it anyway. To mitigate risks, be smart, but take massive action. Building a business from scratch is never easy. Even if you do it for the 10th time, there’s always something that’s not going to look the way you planned. Not to mention when you do it for the first time ever. But I’ve discovered that consistency, moving forward, even if it’s one small step a day, is making the difference. 2026 is going to be a year of further progress. Because 10x is easier than 2x. Hosting a Podcast is my Thing This week, Leman Tech Leadership Podcast celebrated episode number 121. 2 episodes per week, 52 weeks of the year. Amazing guests from all around the world are joining me to have a conversation around leadership in technology, startups, and Founder’s struggles, building teams, fighting burnout, and many more. Last year was a year of starting it; 2025 was a year of staying consistent. 2026 is going to be a year of scaling it, so more people can use what we create. It is demanding, it requires scheduling, matching calendars, time zones, and doing research about the guests and solo content. I want to give as much value as possible every time I start recording, so I need to be mindful about the process all the time. But it’s totally worth it, and as long as people are listening, I’m going to continue recording. Writing a Book is Not THAT Hard I’ve struggled with starting to write a book for years. There was always something else to do, more important, more urgent. Moving from 9-5 through hybrid, to full-time entrepreneur, building a business from scratch, learning completely new skills I’ve never needed before, like sales, marketing, or social media strategy. But the second half of the year taught me that it will never be less busy; I just need to make a schedule, book the time, and do it. Don’t negotiate with myself. 2025 was a year of starting to write, and 2026 will be to publish it. Being an author is going to be a new part of my identity that already started growing in me, because the writing process… Is not that hard for me. I sit in front of my computer, I put on headphones that reduce ambient noise, and I just write. It’s also a lesson: People think that things are hard, sometimes impossible, or out of reach. But the truth is that many of them are hard only in our brain, which tries to protect us; when we start doing it, it turns out that it’s not THAT hard. We might even be mad at ourselves that we didn’t do it sooner. But hey, no regrets; only lessons. Obsession About Health is a Good One Ever since my MS diagnosis almost 7 years ago, I’ve become more conscious about my health choices. But this year was on steroids: Prioritising movement (6 workouts/week), moving into the next level as a hiker (finishing Korona Gór Polski and doing my first long-trail event [45 km in less than 16 hours]). Tracking my food habits, transforming some of them, and some are still in progress for 2026. But almost half of my MS brain changes are gone, so… I guess it’s worth the effort. Am I a little bit obsessive about my waking up / going to bed time or food choices? Maybe. Do I regret not eating late with my friends or watching TV so I can catch up on the endless shows that are on my Netflix list? Not at all. The lesson is that everything is a choice. And what I do with my time, health, and energy is the most important choice of all. No drama. Keeping Boundaries is not Selfish When you build something from scratch, you need to be very mindful of where and with whom you spend your time. What serves you and what robs you of the energy you need to push forward? 2025 was a year of keeping my boundaries where they should be, even if people around me weren’t happy about it. Getting up and going to bed early. Cutting the relationships with people and clients that are energy vampires (yes, you can fire a client and survive). Eating what serves me and not getting others’ into my brain with: “Ooooh, it’s just one time, how harmful can it be?” Not negotiating with myself: When I have something in the calendar (like “Book time” for writing), I cut the distractions and sit to write. Even if I have 10 different things I should take care of. Learning how to keep boundaries with myself was a lesson of the year. I plan to do it even more in 2026. Travelling is Freedom For me, travelling is freedom. Whether it’s about work or pure private trips, when I get on the plane, I feel like I can breathe again. 2026 is going to be even more abundant with it: Q1 is for Portugal and New Zealand (first APAC stage!), Q2 for a 3-week US trip, and then… Who knows! What makes you feeling free?

Czytaj dalej

28 December 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Experiencing Burnout in IT? Here’s Why

Are you feeling sick to your stomach on Sunday afternoon when you think about starting work on Monday? Or maybe you are under constant stress and pressure of not delivering everything you have on your task list? Not being up to date with everything that’s changing in the Tech world? Do you have moments of energy so low that you don’t even want to get out of bed to start working? If you said “YES” to at least one of the above, it might mean that you’re in the middle of burnout. A lack of power, energy, intrinsic motivation, and engagement to do things at work. Why is burnout a new pandemic, especially in the tech world? I see so many leaders, startup Founders and team members who are experiencing that state than I can count. That’s why I’ve decided to take a closer look at the subject and give you 2 things: The root cause analyses and some solutions that you can take and implement. So, if you are this person or you know somebody who is in the burnout zone, keep reading. Burnout Root Cause No. 1: Stretching Too Much The first root cause of burnout is staying in the stretch zone too much. In the article about OKRs, I gave you 4 zones of efficiency and growth: Bored, Comfort, Stretch, and Burnout Zone. When we are in the Comfort Zone too much, there’s no growth, and we can go into the Bored Zone. When we are in the Stretch Zone too much, we can go into the Burnout Zone. If you put yourself under too much pressure, you want to learn too much in a super short period of time, if you take on responsibilities that you’re not ready for or prepared to… You can go into burnout very easily. So, the question is: Do you push yourself too hard? Do you demand of yourself the things that you’re not so demanding about when it comes to others? And don’t get me wrong here. I’m a demanding person. I push myself every single day, but it costs a lot. And I’ve learned it the hard way because I pushed myself and then pushed myself and then I got sick. So, it was the wakeup call for me: To take care of my health and get my priorities straight. Do I still have moments of exhaustion? Sure, I have. But I also know that the best way is to move from Comfort to Stretch Zone in balance to prevent burnout. Diluted focus gives you diluted results. Always. The burnout among IT professionals, leaders, C-level people, Founders, and Co-founders in the startup setup is well-documented and a growing issue. So, it’s not like it wasn’t visible in the past, and it appeared like today. It’s growing, and it’s a lot of research, a lot of studies about this issue. Burnout Root Cause No. 2: Excessive Workload Another root cause is excessive workload and working long hours. Of course. Especially when you are a Founder or Co-founder, when you are building your business from scratch. But it should be a phase, not a day-to-day reality until the rest of your life. So, we have heavy workloads and frequent overtime. When you work as a highly responsible person (the higher position in the org chart, the more responsibilities you have), there’s a pattern of an expectation, mostly unspoken, to be constantly available. It’s also attached to the SME level; it seems like everybody experiences it. And we have numbers to show us how much it cost. The research of the ISACA Tech Workplace and Culture survey from March 2025 shows that 54 % of IT professionals have heavy workloads, and 43 % point to long hours as the primary drivers of burnout. We have more. The same research is talking about tight deadlines, 41% respondents say that they lack resources, 41 % underlines unsupportive management, also 41% the lack of appreciation. Burnout Root Cause No. 3: Constant High Pressure Another bucket of the burnout root causes in tech is high pressure work environment. When you work in a startup environment, it is super high-pressure because we are going for the next round of investment, or maybe we have a VC on board, and they require results because they invested and they want to get the money back. There’s always going to be pressure when it comes to money, startup setup or the corporate world. But we also have a high pressure of an expectation for innovation and rapid delivery. Because the world is shifting, and technology is changing so fast that it’s like being on a mission all the time. Tight deadlines, high expectations. Constant misery of the business because they’re not happy with the deadlines, with the functionalities that we deliver. Burnout Root Cause No. 4: Continuous Learning Demand In connection with that, the next part is the rapid technological change in continuous learning demand. So, it adds up to the pressure as well, because we need to continually update skills, especially Subject Matter Experts, engineers, and leaders. We like it or not, we cannot know everything. And I know that a lot of Thinkers are not on board with me on that one, but it is impossible to be up to date with everything. But a lot of professionals are overwhelmed by the pressure to learn new tools and practices while managing the existing responsibilities, tasks, projects, and initiatives, because it is like having two jobs. So, one, my day job is to keep the machine running, and the next job, the second part of it, is to keep up. And it can be a cause of burnout because it’s impossible. After all, it’s a never-ending story. It’s impossible to know everything. Burnout Root Cause No. 5: Work-Life Imbalance The next one is work-life imbalance and blurred boundaries. So, it is a shift, and I think it started

Czytaj dalej

20 December 2025 No Comments