What Kind of Rituals Do You Have in Your Life?

Self-Development

While running the other day, I was listening to the podcast by Lori Harder “Earn Your Happy: This Will Get You the Results You Want in Your Life Fast!”. And there was one sentence at the very beginning that stick with me, and I thought about it a lot afterwards.

“If you have in your life the results that you are not very happy about, it means that you have a ritual that creates that kind of result”.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/67OPPXrf79EQ9GhRHNVxGy?si=p2HhCbefSji0l-cD-tY5OQ

So basically, it’s about connecting the dots between what we do and what kind of outcome we get because of making a certain decision (or not). It seems obvious, as well as the quote that I got from the podcast, but it dawned on me that many times in our life we don’t think that way. We look for guilty and blame the outside world for something happening to us.

I can’t lose weight, because of my genetics (big bones).

It’s impossible for me to take care of myself, because I have kids.

I’m not becoming the entrepreneur, because I need financial stability that 9-5 job gives me.

I feel bad after eating another piece of candy or slice of pizza, but I can’t help it.

We all have those voices in our heads. They relate to all areas of our life and it’s natural to have them. Our brain tries to protect us all the time from being hurt, suffering or feeling disappointed. That’s how rituals are made.

What kind of rituals in different life roles you have that bring you certain results? Let’s dig deeper into this subject today.

Health Rituals

What kind of rituals do you have regarding your health that give you certain results? Do you like those results? Are you healthy: physically and mentally? Sometimes we are surprised that we eat in some way, don’t work out or don’t take care of our sleep and we are tired, we gain weight, or we can’t focus.

Examples of the bad health rituals and their results?

I eat junk food, candy or drink a lot of alcohol, soft drinks or high-sugar juices, so I gain weight (or can’t lose it). I don’t like or accept myself, feel guilty to not “stay strong” with the diet or feel tired because of the lack of good nutrition my body needs.
I don’t exercise, so I gain weight, don’t have energy, have a weak body. I’m getting exhausted after going into the first floor using stairs, my back hurts (especially when I sit most of the day at work).
I don’t sleep regularly, so I feel like being on a jet lag all the time, I can’t focus, it’s hard for me to finish one task at the time, I snap at other people.

At the other hand, there are some examples of good health rituals and their results:

I go to bed and wake up approximately at the same time every day, so my body has a regular rhythm, is well-rested, energized and ready to overcome whatever life brings for me every day.
I drink 8 glasses of water or tea (without any sugar) every day, so my body is well-hydrated, not feeling hungry (sometimes we are not hungry, just thirsty), my brain works well, since I can focus well when feeling like that.
I don’t overeat, so I don’t feel full and tired because of the amount of food that I don’t really need. The food should serve me, not the other way around.

Do you see the difference? The rituals we have shape the results we get, the emotions we feel and the thoughts we have in our heads. If you don’t feel happy or satisfied with your health and body, it means that you have rituals in your life that give you that kind of results.

What can you do differently in this area? How can you change your rituals to get some other results than before?

Work Rituals

Are you satisfied with your professional life? Are you who you want to be? Or you hate Mondays, waiting for Friday every single week and having a stomach age every Sunday afternoon?

What kind of rituals do you have now connected with your work?

Do you work every day 12-14 hours, barely see your friends or family and feeling constantly guilty about it? But you do it for them, right? So they have a good life, or you can spend time together travelling or hanging out in fancy places? Or maybe you just love what you do so much that you lose the track of time and that’s why you don’t have space for rest or anything else?

Or maybe you didn’t participate in any training session, workshop, mentoring or coaching program for years and you are surprised that you are the last person in line to get promoted, younger people beat you in any category of activities and you are upset about it?

The second scenario is that you invest time every day to be a better specialist, manager, entrepreneur or colleague for your teammates. Even if it’s just 5 minutes of reading or listening to the podcast that feed your brain, you do it consistently. And it pays out.

Maybe you look for the opportunities all the time, seeking proximity to those people who achieved success, so you can learn from their experiences.

The choice is yours. Many people look at all those experiences and say that it happens to them, the circumstances are not very good, it’s not a good time or economy. And it’s so not true. Rituals you have in your work-life have consequences that create your professional reality.

Relations Rituals

If your relationships are not looking like you wanted them to like, most people look for guilty outside of themselves. He/she is not behaving “like before”. I reached out twenty times, now’s the time for my friends to do the first move. My parents weren’t very supportive when I was a child, so now I’m going to punish them, and I won’t contact them more than every other Christmas. Or I’m so busy that I don’t have time to make a 5-minute call and check what’s up.

What kind of rituals do you have in terms of the relationships in your life? And what kind of results are you getting from it?

Do you spend time that you have together with your significant other by scrolling social media, instead of focusing on what the other person is talking about, and your relationship is falling apart?

You are calling or writing to your friends only when there is an emergency or you need something, and they stop reaching you out?

Or maybe when you with someone, you put your phone down and have a quality conversation with the other person, so you feel closer to each other every time you speak?

Or maybe you call your parents every day, even if it’s just 5 minutes while you simply exchange what happened during the day and say that you love each other?

Rituals that you have make the results you get. If you invest time, focus, good energy, care in the people that are around you, you have certain, mostly positive outcome. If you don’t, there is also an outcome: but I bet most of us prefer to have those results coming from the first scenario. That the relationships that we have in our life are meaningful, serving both (or more) sides, nourish who we are and who we are becoming every single day.

The bottom line

You are what you focus on. You become the rituals you live every day, because these are repetitive set of actions or decisions that shape who you are. Every ritual is your choice, no matter what you thought about it before reading this article. It’s your responsibility to choose what you do, how you live your life and what comes from it at the end of the day.

Every action has a reaction and that’s how everything in this life works. Do you want to live a good, full, healthy life? if yes, build rituals that will support this statement. Do you want to waste your life, be miserable and depressed? You can do it to, it’s your call.

Isn’t it wiser to pick the first scenario?

Udostępnij

Komentarze

0 0 votes

Article Rating

0 komentarzy

Oldest

Newest Most Voted

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

Czytaj także

Leadership

What Does a Communication Debt Really Cost Us?

We talk a lot about communication. In fact, I am the person who teach and preach the whole idea of Communication Intelligence. And yet, we don’t talk strategically enough about one thing that is a phenomenon in many organizations: Communication Debt. I see and hear during workshops and one-on-one mentoring leadership sessions that I run a lot of thoughts, problems connected with that, and I wonder why we talk about it so much, and not doing a lot? So, I’ve decided to spend time today and unpack a little bit this subject. Let’s see what the communication debt is, when it appears in organizations and what we can do to address it, before it’s too late. What is Communication Debt? When we’re thinking about debt in overall, the first thing that comes to our mind is money. Then a lot of organizations, especially tech-oriented, are talking about technology debt (we didn’t invest in the past in the infrastructure or software, integrations, architecture: So, we have a technology debt). And the same thing is with the communication debt for me. The root cause is a lack of investment in communication processes. Lack of investment and/or lack of priority on all the communication processes that are in the organization on individual, team and organizational level. The communication debt is a gap between the level of understanding, data and information and contracts people should have and we actually have in a certain moment of time in the organization. And it can appear in many different setups: Between employees, peer-to-peer; between employee and manager, a manager and their manager; between the executive team and board or board of directors outside of them; including investors, stakeholders, shareholders, you name it. Again: This is a gap that is between what we should have in the organization and what we actually have. And not many people have awareness that they have a communication debt because… there is a lot of assumptions around. And many companies that I work with right now, and I worked with in the past, have on board people who are assuming that others know what they need, what they should or what they want. So, if we base our communication strategy on assumptions… It is not a huge surprise that people are not happy, their engagement is dropping dramatically. Gallup Institute “State of the Global Workplace 2025” Report shows that employees’ and managers’ engagement level is lower and lower. And the interesting thing is that it is even lower in the management basket than the employee basket. Of course, the differences are not very big, but they’re visible. I’m not surprised when I see that kind of results: People are less and less engaged. They are less motivated intrinsically. They look for a new work more often than 10 years ago, or even 3 years ago. And yes, you can say that this is connected to the generational change. But what the important thing is that the younger the generation is, the better they are in setting boundaries and a need for information. Transparency is one of the biggest values Gen Z has. So, this is something that for me, personally and professionally, as a leader is important to understand. Because I’m asked to support organizations, teams, a specific leader when there’s already a fire, when there’s already a drop in engagement, in efficiency, that the team doesn’t deliver tasks on time or value or projects on time. When people are quitting the team, especially tech talents that are hard and expensive to replace. And most of the time it’s too late. When the Communication Debt Appears? From everything I’ve observed for the last 10 years, working in different organizations and different teams, especially IT and tech, I can tell that the communication debt appears when there is no prior or very little priority on communication in overall. We’re not learning how to tailor our communication, we’re not investing in communication intelligence (CQ), because there is a lot of different items (more important in our brain) on the list to cover on a daily basis. And this is totally okay that tech teams need to focus on tech, because this is your genius; as well as HR people should focus on HR, and finance people should focus on finance. Every single person has a genius zone. But there is also a thing named “transferable skills”. And transferable skills relate to every single position, every single job that you are going to have in your future because you can copy and paste them and basically start using them right away. When you join a new team, organization or a new setup, business-wise and private-wise. And another thing is those skills are the umbrella (The Umbrella Skills, I call them that way). You can have your specific Subject Matter Expert skills and competencies, pieces of knowledge, but you also have the umbrella skills that like a real umbrella, are on the top of everything that you do, regardless of the situation, or the context. And this is something that I treat like the ultimate set of skills, like the power skills. Because if you don’t have them, you can have the most beautiful tech skills in the planet, but they will be useless. And now it’s hurtful. You need to have strong algorithmical communication skills, because it is a part of your intelligence. Communication intelligence is a real thing. And I can’t emphasize that enough. So, when there’s a very low or no priority on communication, when we assume that people know more than we ask, or we provide information, even if they appear for us as boring, repetitive, you name it. When you don’t invest your time and effort and energy and money in learning how to communicate better, there will always be a debt, no doubt about it. The culture of the organization determines what kind of communication, what channels of communication, what frequency of communication people

Czytaj dalej

27 June 2025 No Comments

Self-Development

4 Things I’ve Learned About Looking For a Community

You know what they say: It’s always lonely on the top. Whatever the “top” means. Being in the board or executive team in the organization, a founder or co-founder of a startup, entrepreneur in overall. Being a top athlete, art creator, innovator of any kind. Visionary that no one really understand because their brain works in the modalities that are not available to most of the people. There are even books, articles, podcast episodes that are saying that there’s a cost of being “on the top”: Loneliness and alone, hard journey. But you know what? The last years of being an entrepreneur showed me that it’s bullshit. You don’t need to be alone, and I’ll go even further: You can’t be. Because it’s extremely hard to juggle all those hats and tasks we have on our lists to do it all on our own. Community can be the answer. That’s why I’ve decided to start looking for people who can be with me on this journey. Here’s what I’ve discovered so far (because it’s still an unfinished project) that I believe can be helpful for you in hunting for a great community for yourself. #1 Your family and friends usually aren’t the best option If you have around you people who are your cheerleaders, they support you in your work-related decisions that’s great. Not a common thing, though: I am familiar with many experiences (my own and different people I worked with or be friends with in the past) that have quite the opposite ones. Here are few examples (quite nice one, since I know also more aggressive options): “You should be happy about what you have, why you need to change something?” “If you risk, you can lose what you’ve already have.” “Maybe it’s not the best idea, stay where you are and enjoy it.” “You’ve never done something like this before.” If we think about it deeper, most of the time people don’t’ have bad intentions while saying that kind of things. They mean to protect us, reduce the risk of the failure, disappointment, loss. The truth is that most of those behaviours have a root cause in their own insecurities, fear and bad experiences from the past. Or sometimes unconscious jealousy: Because they’ve always wanted to do something like that, but they’ve never had enough courage or skills to do so. That’s why quite often people that are the closest to us are not the best when it comes to our community. The only exception I see is that they are also experts in our field and they are extremely flexible when it comes to changing the hat that they’re wearing at the certain moment. Then they can be our spouse in one moment, and the other entrepreneur in the next one. But let’s be honest here: That’s a rare situation. And it’s not about that they are bad people. They really aren’t. But we don’t need the second thoughts in our brains (more that we already have on our own). We don’t need second guessing our decisions, giving our brain more holes of fear to go into. I’ve heard years ago this, and I stick to it ever since: “I don’t take business advice from people who never ran a business. I don’t take parental advice from people who don’t have kids. I don’t take relationship advice from people who can’t build a healthy relationship.” Finding a community outside of your closest circle can be so much better for you, and for your friends & family as well. #2 Looking for community is not a weakness. It’s a strength. For a very long time in my life, I had a strong belief that I need to do everything on my own. That I need to be strong, look for answers on my own, even if it takes a lot of time and effort. It was a pattern that I’ve got in my childhood, and it helped me in many situations, but in my middle 30s is not as useful as before anymore. We all have patterns in our brains. Most of them are unconscious, printed in our wiring since we were kids. They were mechanisms that supposed to be the best solution to be worthy of love and attention of our caregivers. They answered the question: “Who do I need to be / How should I behave to “be worthy” of those who I crave the most?” And I remember that situation from my childhood where I asked a question about something and I’ve got and answer: “Go and find it in the book on your own”. It doesn’t look angry or hurtful, but it put a seed in the small person’s brain that’s saying: You can’t reach out for help, you need to do everything on your own. Sounds familiar? That’s why so many people are struggling with looking for a person, group of people or a bigger community that consists of like-minded people because they still have those beliefs that are not serving them anymore. There was a copying mechanism for a child we are not as adults. I know for me it was a journey and a healing process to go through, so my brain rewires into a new belief. There’s nothing wrong with reaching for support. I’ll go even further again: It’s a sign of strength, wisdom and an ability to use one’s resources the best possible way. Because from the rational and logical perspective we do know that if I ask somebody for something, there’s a bigger chance that I’ll resolve my problem faster. 80% of the problems I had in my past somebody else already experienced or they know somebody who did! So why wasting time and energy that we can reinvest in something else that creates more value? #3 Put yourself in the rooms where there are people who have what you want to have A couple of years

Czytaj dalej

7 June 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Building a Product-Centered Organization: The Power Skills Leaders Need to Succeed

In the tech world, it’s easy to get caught up in the latest innovations, algorithms, or cutting-edge frameworks. As leaders, we often pride ourselves on our deep technical expertise. However, even the most advanced technology can’t save an organization if it’s not aligned around the product—a product that solves real customer problems, delivers value, and drives the company’s success. Yet, many leaders struggle to build a product-centered organization. Why? Because it requires more than technical know-how. It demands a set of “power skills”—social skills like communication, problem solving or collaboration—that many tech leaders have not prioritized in their own development. These skills are the foundation of Communication Intelligence (CQ), which is essential for creating an environment where people thrive and want to stay longer in their careers. So, how do we build a product-centered organization? Why is product focus so critical? And what do we, as leaders, need to do to make it happen? Let’s dive in into that today. Why Product is the Heart of Your Organization? At its core, every company exists to deliver value. Whether you’re building software, hardware, or services, your product is the vehicle that delivers that value to customers. A strong product focus ensures that every team, from engineering to marketing to customer support, is aligned with the same goal: creating something that solves real problems and delights users. When organizations lose sight of the product, chaos happens. Teams become siloed, with each department prioritizing its own metrics and goals instead of working together toward a shared vision. Engineers might focus on writing code without considering user needs. Marketing and sales teams might overpromise features that don’t exist. Customer support might be left out of the loop entirely, unable to provide meaningful feedback to improve the product. The result? A fractured organization that frustrates employees and customers alike. Without a clear product focus, employees lose motivation because they don’t see how their work contributes to the bigger picture. Customers churn because their needs aren’t being met. And ultimately, the company’s bottom line suffers. Sounds familiar? Anyone ever experienced that kind of reality? The Leadership Role in Building a Product-Centered Organization As leaders, it’s our job to create an environment where teams are aligned around the product and empowered to deliver their best work. But this doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intentional effort and a specific set of leadership skills—skills that go beyond technical expertise. I know that for some of you it’s way out of your comfort zone, but growing those skills is a must, not a luxury. IF you want to be a leader that people don’t hate. The choice is always yours. #1 Communication Intelligence (CQ) At the heart of a product-centered organization is strong communication. Leaders with high CQ understand how to communicate clearly and efficiently across teams, breaking down silos and ensuring everyone is aligned. The understanding the bigger picture is crucial for people to work together, focused on what is important and bringing us all closer to achieving our goals. High CQ leaders: – Actively listen to feedback from all levels of the organization. – Communicate the “why” behind decisions so teams understand their purpose. – Create a real space for the open dialogue so employees feel comfortable sharing ideas, discussing bottlenecks and solutions to the problems that appear. #2 Visionary Thinking A product-centered organization starts with a clear vision. The product should make a real change and solve a real problem that bothers clients. As a leader, you need to articulate what success looks like for your product and inspire your teams to go with that vision. This means being able to zoom out and see the big picture while also understanding the details that drive execution. #3 Cross-Functional Collaboration No single team owns the product—it’s a collective effort. Leaders must break down silos and encourage collaboration across engineering, design, marketing, sales, and customer support. This requires building bridges between teams and fostering a culture of mutual respect and shared responsibility. A great solution to implement when there are any issues with collaboration between certain teams is to shift their leaders for a while. For example, sales and marketing team is not working together very well (common issue). So, a marketing lead becomes a sales lead for a month and the other way around. That way they get to know exactly what those teams are dealing with daily and thanks to that starting building bridges, instead of fighting each other. It’s one of the ideas of Ben Horowitz and I personally love it. #4 Understanding for Customers and Employees The ability to understand what people need and why they behave in a certain way is a superpower for any leader. To build a great product, you need to deeply understand your customers’ pain points and aspirations. But empathy doesn’t stop with customers—it extends to your employees as well. By understanding their challenges and motivations, you can create an environment where they feel supported and engaged. You know what I see often? Great tech people are designing amazing products and solutions. But then nobody buys it. And they are so surprised, frustrated and they blame everyone around them. But the truth is: You don’t design the product for yourself. You create it for people who have a certain problem to solve. That’s why you need to focus on their needs and voices more. Listen better, ask questions to understand what is underneath the surface. Go to your team and discuss it, brainstorm together so you generate the best possible solutions and start building a MVP for that. Iterate, don’t overinvest time, focus and money into a monster that can be something completely out of the interest zone of potential customers. It might sounds difficult, but over time it becomes easier and easier. You can do it. Addressing Bottlenecks in Your Organization Even with strong leadership skills, building a product-centered organization isn’t without

Czytaj dalej

4 May 2025 No Comments