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Leadership

Why Are We So Frustrated as Tech Leaders?

Just think about it for a moment. When was the last time you were angry, pissed off, or frustrated with the other person as a leader? Your direct report didn’t deliver something on time or to the quality that you wanted them to deliver? A person promised to do something, and they didn’t? Or a person asked you a question, you answered, and then they came back with the same question one time, two times, three times, five times? When was the time when you agreed on something? You made a contract on who is doing what:  With the client, a contractor, or a vendor; you delivered your part, and they didn’t? Or they did, but the quality of the work was not so good, and you got angry, you thought a lot of not-so-nice things, and maybe you even behaved in an aggressive way. If you’re nodding right now, you’re in the right place. In this article, I’m going to give you answers on why you get so upset when things like that happen, and what to do to manage it better. Let’s go into it. Why am I reacting like that? Do you know people who, even if something’s going on, are calm? It might seem that they don’t even care when you look at them. They’re all chilled out. And then, it’s you: Frustrated, angry, mad at others. Burning up, losing energy, and being exhausted at the end of the day. Is it your reality? If yes, it means that from a personality perspective, you have a strong Thinker or a Persister floor in your Personality Condo. Maybe a Promoter as well, if you are getting angry with people for being too slow (in your frame of reference, of course). It means that your beliefs about yourself in the world go like this: Thinker: “People need to be competent, deliver work on time, efficiently covering what’s there to be done”. Persister: “People need to be trustworthy, fulfilling the contracts that we have for delivering things, following processes we have in place”. Promoter: “People need to be strong, fast, and self-sufficient. They need to act, instead of talk or analyse all the time”. If we have convictions like that in our brains, and it is our default way of working, every person who’s not doing things like that will make us angry or resentful. It’s mostly unconscious, and until we start learning more about Communication Intelligence (CQ), it’s an automatic thinking pattern we go into in every situation that jeopardises how we think the world should look. Eustress vs Distress The answer to why we’re reacting in an aggressive or manipulative way when we have those thoughts in our brains is that we are in distress. Let’s unpack the stress part, since it’s not very often described in two ways: Eustress and Distress. Eustress is a positive stress. It: mobilizes us to take action; positively influences ourselves and people around us; keeps us in strengthening beliefs, pushes us to do things that bring extraordinary results. Eustress is a feeling of excitement, a little bit of adrenaline rushing through our veins, making us brave to go into the uncomfortable. Like being on the stage, sharing things we are truly passionate about with the thought in our brains that we can really change something while sharing it with the world. But, as always, there’s a dark side to the story. Distress is a negative stress. It: is an automatic sequence of thinking, reacting, and doing things (or not doing them at all); negatively influences ourselves and the people around us; keeps us in limiting beliefs, takes us away from the access to the resources we have in ourselves (intellectual, emotional, cognitive, etc.). We go into distress most of the time right away in two situations: We don’t have our physiological needs covered; We don’t have our motivational / psychological needs covered. So, if you’re hungry, thirsty, you haven’t been in the bathroom for hours, you lack sleep or physical touch of a close person, your body is upset, which makes it distressed. And if your motivational needs connected to your personality Base are not covered, your brain and soul are upset, which makes it distressed. Distress is visible when we are anxious, our heart is beating fast, our blood pressure is high, our voice, hands, and knees are shaking, sometimes we have a sore throat, and we can’t even say a thing. It’s when we forget everything we wanted to say, even if we’re well-prepared and equipped. It’s when we lose the brain-spine connection, and we start to behave extremely weirdly, like we’re not ourselves anymore. That’s where the anger, frustration, and consequently, burnout comes. What can we do about it? The awareness is one thing (super important), but action is crucial. Some things will be transferable for every personality Base, and some will be tailored. Let’s start with the individual ones, connected with the 3 types we’ve talked about above: For Thinkers: Make clear contracts, share tasks and responsibilities transparently, and put deadlines whenever you can. Ask for feedback for your efficient work delivered regularly. Structure your day / week, book slots for deep work in your calendar, and protect your time. For Persisters: Make clear contracts, double-check if people have everything they need (resources, skills, technology, etc.) to work efficiently. Ask for feedback for your principled work regularly. Share your convictions with others and have a conversation when you can gather positive recognition for what you believe in. For Promoters: Make a plan and follow it. Remember that not all people work as fast as you, so give them more time before the deadline is due. Take care of the diversification of what you do, so you don’t get bored too quickly. Plan some adrenaline rushes in your private and/or work life. The things you can do to protect yourself from going into distress that are universal to all personality bases are not fancy. I don’t think

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Leadership

5 Tips for Entry-Level Tech Leaders to Avoid Common Mistakes

Stepping into a leadership role in the tech space might be both, an exciting and daunting experience. As an entry-level tech leader, you not only have to manage projects and technical challenges but also guide your team, lead collaboration, and make strategic decisions. The transition from Subject Matter Expert to a leader can be tricky, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can set yourself (and your team) up for success. Here are five practical tips to help you navigate the early stages of your leadership journey and avoid common mistakes, so you don’t get discouraged before things start to get going properly.   #1 Embrace the Shift from “Doer” to “Enabler”   One of the most significant challenges for new tech leaders is letting go of the “hands-on” work they were so good at as individual contributors. Sounds familiar? Leadership is not about doing all the work yourself but enabling your team to succeed. You like it or not, this shift in mindset is crucial, so you really can start doing what the leader’s role is really about. The biggest mistake here? Micromanaging or taking over tasks because you believe you can do them faster or better. Of course you do! You’ve been doing those things for months, sometimes for years, so obviously it’s in your genius zone. But by accepting the leadership position you also accepted saying goodbye to those tasks to say hello to the new ones. You can’t have both.   What you can do here? – Delegate Effectively: Identify the strengths of your team members and assign tasks accordingly. Trust them to deliver, and provide guidance only when needed. Share your knowledge and experience (if you have it), unlock bottlenecks so they can deliver work efficiently. That’s your role and effective delegation skills are essential for your success. – Focus on Outcomes, Not Processes: Instead of obsessing over how something is done, set clear expectations for the results and let your team figure out the “how.” Your how can be completely different than theirs, but it the outcome is delivered… It’s all that matters. I know that it hurts but if you are the smartest person in the room, you need to change the room. – Use tools like Trello or Asana to track progress without checking or controlling every single detail. If you can’t trust them, they won’t trust you. And this is the first step to going deep down in the rabbit hole of lack of engagement, efficiency and misery. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a leader that builds that kind of environment for myself and my people.   #2 Build Culture of Open Communication   As a new leader, earning the trust of your team is essential. Without trust, collaboration suffers, and your ability to lead effectively diminishes. Open communication is the foundation of that trust, you like it or not. The biggest mistake here? Assuming that people automatically will come to you with problems. Mutual respect is to build, it doesn’t come with the leadership role itself.   What you can do here? – Be Transparent: Share the goals, direction and decision-making processes with your team. This helps them understand your priorities and align with them, and if they not, you can discuss it using data, not assumptions. – Schedule Regular 1:1s: Invest time to check in with each team member individually. Use this time to listen actively, provide feedback, and address concerns, if they occur. Make sure that both of you use the time you have, not for the monologue from your side. – Create a Contracted Space: Make contract with your team on the rules around team meetings, retrospective and innovation brainstorms. Make sure that you really walk the walk the rule of permission for making mistakes. You can even say, “Mistakes are opportunities to learn—let’s solve this together.”   #3 Prioritize Learning and Adaptability   Technology evolves rapidly, and so do the challenges of leadership. Being open to learning—both technical skills and leadership strategies—is key to staying effective and efficient. One doesn’t exist without another, and it’s about the time to make your peace with that statement. The biggest mistake here? Believing you need to have all the answers or pretending to know everything.   What you can do here? – Adopt a Growth Mindset: Treat every challenge as an opportunity to grow. If you’re unsure about something, admit it and commit to finding the answer. Come back to the team with a solution you can all discuss and learn around. Perfection doesn’t exist, only really insecure people will tell you otherwise. Building a Growth Mindset is a real thing, focusing on that will bring you a lot of benefits (professional and private ones). – Seek Mentorship: Connect with leaders more experienced than you, in your organization or outside of it. Ask questions about their leadership journey and learn from their successes and failures. You don’t need to listen to every piece of advice you’ll get from them, but choose what’s applicable to your case and move on faster. – Invest in Learning Resources: Read books on leadership, listen to podcasts, attend workshops, or take online courses. Whatever your learning preferences are, you can invest your time in being 1% better every single day. Even if it’s just 5 minutes.   #4 Set Clear Goals and Align Your Team   Without clear goals, even the most talented team can lose focus. As a leader, it’s your job to define priorities and ensure everyone is rowing in the same direction. The biggest mistake here? Overloading the team with too many objectives or failing to communicate priorities effectively.   What you can do here? – Use OKRs. Objectives and Key Results is one of my favorite method to boost the efficiency and effectiveness of a person, team and organization. Why? Because it’s not telling us “read 3 books”, it’s not a real goal. It answers the question: “SO WHAT?” you’ve read those

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Leadership

What Are Most Common Beliefs That Hold Tech Leaders Back?

As a Tech Leader, you’re tasked with guiding innovation, meeting deadlines, and managing diverse teams—all while navigating the complexities of human dynamics. It’s no small challenge. But what if I told you that some of the beliefs you hold about leadership might actually be holding you back from creating an environment where people want to stay and thrive? Let’s take a closer look at three of the most common beliefs that I encounter when working with Tech Leaders and explore actionable solutions to shift your mindset and approach.   Belief 1: “If I’m not the expert in the room, I’ll lose respect.”   Many Tech Leaders feel immense pressure to always have the answers. After all, you’ve likely climbed the ranks because of your technical expertise. But leadership isn’t about being the smartest person in the room—it’s about enabling others to shine (it hurts, I know). The problem is that when you focus on showcasing your expertise, you risk micromanaging or overshadowing your team’s contributions. This can stifle creativity and lead to disengagement: your people think won’t have enough space to try out new solutions, make mistakes and learn from them to build their own expertise. Solution? Shift from being the “expert” to being the “facilitator.” Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think we should do here?” or “How can we approach this differently?” Empower your team to take ownership of their ideas and solutions. Remember, respect is earned not by knowing everything but by fostering trust and collaboration.   Belief 2: “Feedback will demotivate my team.”   I often hear leaders say they avoid giving constructive feedback because they fear it will hurt morale. While it’s true that poorly delivered feedback can cause friction, avoiding it altogether is far more damaging in the long run. The problem is that without feedback, your team doesn’t know where they stand or how they can improve. This ambiguity can lead to frustration, disengagement, and even turnover: all those things are not the ideal situation for you, as a leader, and for your team as well. There are very costly: losing one employee is a cost of 8-12 monthly salaries of this person (in average). Solution? Reframe feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than criticism. Use a structured approach, even the most common ones like “Start-Stop-Continue” will be a huge help (and easy to implement): – Start: What new behaviors or actions could help them grow? – Stop: What habits or approaches might be holding them back? – Continue: What are they already doing well that they should keep up?   Deliver feedback with using Communication Intelligence (CQ) muscle, tailor the communication to your employee’s needs, be specific, and always tie it back to their potential and goals.     Belief 3: “People leave because of better opportunities, not because of me.”   It’s easy to blame external factors when someone leaves your team—higher salaries, exciting projects elsewhere, or personal reasons. While those factors do play a role, research consistently shows that people leave managers, not companies. The problem is that assuming turnover is out of your control absolves you of responsibility for creating a supportive environment. This mindset prevents you from addressing underlying issues within your team dynamic. Solution? Conduct regular one-on-one check-ins where you ask questions like: – “What’s one thing I could do to support you better?” – “Do you think that you’re challenged and fulfilled enough in your role? If not, what can we do to move a needle here?” – “What’s your long-term vision, and how can I help you get there?”   By showing genuine interest in your team’s well-being and career aspirations, you’ll build loyalty and reduce turnover. It’s not so obvious to have a leader that actually care and think about their employees’ in more holistic approach.   The bottom line   Leadership is as much about unlearning as it is about learning. By challenging these common beliefs and adopting a more people-centric mindset, you’ll not only become a stronger leader but also create a work environment where people feel valued and inspired to stay. Remember: great leaders don’t just manage tasks—they cultivate trust, growth, and connection. That’s the kind of environment people don’t want to leave. Ready to challenge more leadership beliefs? Go and listen to the latest episode of Leman Tech Leadership Podcast!

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