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Leadership

3 Leadership Lessons I Learned from Bad Recruitment Processes

Recruitment is often described as both an art and a science—a delicate balance of intuition, data, and strategy. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, things can go awry. I’ve learned this the hard way. Over the years, my experience in leadership have taught me that recruitment mistakes are not just costly in terms of money but also in terms of time, energy, and efficiency. Today, I want to share with you three of my biggest lessons from bad recruitment decisions that I hope will help you to not repeat those in your leadership practice. #1 The Rush: When Speed Wins With Strategy There was a time when I was desperate to fill a position on my team. Aren’t we really in constant situations like that? I remember that we had a critical project coming up, I was drowning under the amount of tasks I had on my list and I convinced myself that having “someone”—anyone—on board quickly was better than waiting for the better fit. I rushed through the process, skipping some of the deeper evaluations and settling for a candidate who seemed “good enough.” The result? It ended up costing me more than I ever anticipated. The person lacked the skills and mindset needed for the role, and within six months, we had to part ways. Not only did this mean starting the recruitment process all over again, but it also disrupted my work, again. According to research by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), the average cost per hire is around $4,700. However, if you make a bad hire, the costs skyrocket. Studies estimate that replacing an employee can cost anywhere from 8 to 12 months of their salary. For example, if you hire someone with an annual salary of $50,000, replacing them could cost you between $33,000 and $50,000. And that’s just the financial side—what about the lost productivity and influence on yourself? On the team? This experience taught me a crucial lesson: rushing to fill a position is like building a house on quicksand. It may seem like you’re saving time in the short term, but in reality, you’re setting yourself up for long-term instability. #2 The Bias Trap: Judging by Brands, Not Skills Another mistake I’ve made is being overly impressed by the organizations listed on a candidate’s CV. When someone came from a big-name company or a well-known brand, I found myself assuming they must be ready to do the job. After all, if they worked at such prestigious places, they must be highly capable, right? Wrong. One candidate I hired had an impressive resume filled with experience at top-tier organizations. I was so dazzled by their background that I overlooked some red flags during the interview process—things like their lack of enthusiasm for the role or their vague answers about past achievements. It turned out that their success in previous roles was largely due to the systems and teams already in place at those organizations. In my smaller, more dynamic team, they struggled to adapt and contribute effectively. This mistake taught me to focus on the specific person, not just their past affiliations. A brand name on a CV doesn’t guarantee a cultural, personality-based or skill set fit for your organization. Now, I dig deeper during interviews, asking specific questions about their contributions and how they handle challenges in different environments. #3 Ignoring the Personality Match As someone deeply invested in Communication Intelligence (CQ) and the Process Communication Model (PCM), I know how critical personality dynamics are in any working relationship. Yet, there have been times when I ignored this knowledge during recruitment—and paid the price for it. I once hired someone who looked perfect on paper: they had the right skills, experience, and even glowing references. But what I failed to assess was how well we would work together on a personal level. Our communication styles clashed almost immediately. Where I value directness and proactive problem-solving, they preferred a more passive approach and avoided conflict at all costs. Data vs emotions. Logic vs relationship care. Nothing wrong about that, don’t get me wrong! But it comes with a cost, especially when you work in a small setup. This mismatch didn’t just affect our one-on-one interactions; it also impacted the overall efficiency. When there isn’t alignment between a leader and their team members, it creates friction that slows down decision-making and execution. According to Gallup research, disengaged employees can cost organizations up to 18% of their annual salary in lost productivity. Imagine what happens when that disengagement spreads across an entire team! Now, I make personality assessments a non-negotiable part of my recruitment process. Tools like PCM are there to use: I’m not saying that you do a questionnaire for every single candidate since it’ll cost a lot (if you can afford it, go for it!). It’s about using the framework in practice. Listen, observe, connect the dots. Everything is there, you just need to know what you’re looking for. Moving Forward: How to Avoid These Pitfalls Here’s what I’ve learned to do differently: Prioritize Fit Over Speed: Take the time to find someone who aligns with your team’s needs and culture—even if it means extending your search timeline. Remember that fast recruitment can cost you so much more time in the future. Dig Deeper Into Experience: Don’t be swayed by big names on a CV; focus on understanding what the candidate actually contributed in their previous roles. Assess Personality Compatibility: Use tools like PCM or other personality assessments or knowledge from the framework to ensure alignment between you and your potential hire. Recruitment is never going to be an exact science, but by learning from past mistakes and implementing more thoughtful strategies, you can significantly improve your chances of finding the right person for your team—and avoiding costly missteps along the way. Final Thoughts As leaders, we often feel immense pressure to make quick decisions and keep

16 February 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Breaking the Code: Myths About Mistakes in Tech World

As Tech Leaders, we often find ourselves navigating a world of constant change, high stakes, and the persistent pressure to deliver. In this fast-paced environment, mistakes are inevitable. Yet, despite their inevitability, mistakes often carry an unnecessary stigma, especially in the technology sector. We’ve all been there: a bug in production, a failed sprint, or a product launch that didn’t hit the mark. These moments can feel like personal failures, but they’re also opportunities for growth—if we allow them to be. Unfortunately, many of us are held back by persistent myths about mistakes that do more harm than good. Let’s unpack these myths and explore how tech leaders can reframe their thinking to foster innovation and resilience within their teams. Myth 1: Mistakes Are a Sign of Incompetence This is perhaps the most damaging myth of all. In a field as complex as technology, mistakes are not just normal—they’re expected. Yet, many Tech Leaders (and their teams) fear that admitting to errors will make them appear unqualified or incapable. Here’s the truth: mistakes are not a reflection of incompetence but rather a natural byproduct of working on resolving complex problems. In fact, some of the most groundbreaking innovations in tech have come from mistakes. Take the accidental creation of Post-it Notes or the discovery of penicillin—while not directly tech-related, these examples remind us that groundbreaking discovery often follows missteps. As a leader, it’s your job to model curiosity. When you own up to your own mistakes and frame them as learning opportunities, you create a culture where your team feels safe to take risks and innovate. Myth 2: Perfection Is the Goal Let’s face it: perfection in tech doesn’t exist. There will always be bugs in the code, unforeseen edge cases, or unexpected user behaviors. Yet, many leaders fall into the trap of striving for perfection, believing that flawless execution is the ultimate measure of success. And we do know that’s far from the truth. The pursuit of perfection can paralyze teams, leading to analysis paralysis and delayed decision-making. Worse yet, it can stifle creativity and experimentation—two critical drivers of innovation in technology. Instead of chasing perfection, focus on progress. Encourage your team to adopt an iterative mindset: ship, learn, and improve. Agile methodologies are built on this principle for a reason—they prioritize adaptability over rigid adherence to an idealized end state. Remember, your job as a leader isn’t to eliminate mistakes but to create an environment where mistakes lead to better outcomes. Myth 3: Mistakes Waste Time and Resources It’s easy to view mistakes as setbacks that cost time and money. But what if we flipped that perspective? What if we saw mistakes as investments in future success? Consider this: every mistake your team makes is a chance to uncover blind spots, refine processes, and build resilience. A bug in production might reveal gaps in your testing strategy. A failed product launch could highlight misalignment between engineering and marketing teams. These insights are invaluable—they help you course-correct and prevent larger issues down the line. Of course, not all mistakes are created equal. As a leader, it’s important to distinguish between reckless errors (caused by carelessness or lack of preparation) and intelligent (or even necessary) ones (made in the pursuit of innovation). Celebrate the latter and use them as teachable moments for your team. Myth 4: Leaders Should Have All the Answers As Tech Leaders, we often feel pressure to be the smartest person in the room—the one with all the answers. But this mindset is not only unrealistic; it’s counterproductive. When you position yourself as infallible, you surprisingly discourage your team from speaking up or challenging assumptions. This can lead to groupthink, missed opportunities for improvement or other limiting biases that rob us from achieving extraordinary results. Instead, embrace a mindset of continuous learning. Ask questions, seek input from your team, and admit when you don’t know something. By doing so, you demonstrate humility and foster a culture of collaboration and shared ownership. Remember, leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about empowering your team to find them together. Myth 5: Mistakes Are Best Swept Under the Rug In some organizations, there’s an unspoken rule: don’t talk about mistakes. This culture of silence can be incredibly toxic, leading to fear, blame-shifting, and a lack of accountability. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to break this cycle. Encourage open dialogue about mistakes and frame them as opportunities for growth. Conduct retrospective sessions after incidents or project failures to identify root causes and actionable takeaways. Transparency is key here—not just within your team but across your organization. When leaders openly discuss their own missteps and what they’ve learned from them, it normalizes the idea that mistakes are part of the process. Reframing Mistakes as the Golden Key So how can we, as Tech Leaders, shift our perspective on mistakes? Here are a few practical strategies: Lead by example: Share your own experiences with failure and what you learned from them during team meetings or one-on-ones. Celebrate learning moments: Recognize team members who take risks and learn from their mistakes—even if the outcome wasn’t what they hoped for. Create psychological safety: Foster an environment where team members feel safe to admit errors without fear of punishment or being laughed at. Encourage reflection: After a mistake occurs, ask your team reflective questions like “What did we learn?” or “How can we do better in the future?” Focus on systems: Instead of blaming individuals for mistakes, look at the systems and processes that contributed to them and identify areas for improvement. The bottom line Mistakes are not the enemy—they’re an essential part of growth in the tech world (and beyond). As leaders, our role is not to eliminate mistakes but to create a culture where they’re seen as opportunities for learning and innovation. By reframing these common myths and our approach to failure, we can build teams that are resilient, creative,

25 January 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Why Leaders Quit Learning and How to Overcome It?

In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of continuous learning cannot be overstated, especially for leaders. However, many leaders find themselves ceasing to learn over time, which can have huge (and negative) effects on their organization, team and their personal growth. Understanding why leaders quit learning and finding solutions to these challenges is crucial for sustained success. Here are five essential reasons why leaders stop learning and how they can overcome these obstacles. 1. Success is already achieved, right? Many leaders become satisfied after achieving a certain level of success. They feel that their current knowledge and skills are sufficient to maintain their position and continue leading effectively. This state can lead to stagnation and a lack of innovation: can be a fog that stop us from seeing things clearly. Sometimes it’s also connected with: “I’ve learned something 2/5/10 years ago and it worked. Why should I bother learning something new?!”. Sure thing, we can use the knowledge and experiences from the past. But we also know that the world changes all the time. And the speed of those changes is extremely high. Solution? Leaders should cultivate a mindset of lifelong learning. Embracing the idea that there is always more to learn can keep them motivated. One practical approach is setting personal learning goals each year, quarter, month (or even a day), such as reading / listening to a certain number of books, attending workshops, or enrolling in online courses. For instance, Bill Gates is known for his habit of reading 50 books a year, which keeps him informed and inspired. 2. Overwhelmed by Responsibilities Leaders often juggle multiple responsibilities, leaving them with little time or energy to focus on learning. The demands of their roles can make it challenging to prioritize personal and professional development. AKA: “I don’t have time or energy”. This sentence barely goes through my throat since for me, there’s no such thing as lack of time. It’s only a lack of priority. Solution? Task and energy management is a key. Leaders should schedule dedicated time for learning activities, just as they would for any other important meeting. This might include setting aside an hour each day for reading or listening to educational podcasts during commutes. Additionally, delegating tasks and empowering team members can free up time for leaders to focus on their growth. The key is to get the time back, not to use constantly the old excuse. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I couldn’t agree more. 3. Fear of Vulnerability Admitting a lack of knowledge or skill can make leaders feel vulnerable, especially if they believe it might undermine their authority. This fear can prevent them from seeking new learning opportunities. Also, it’s necessary to step into the uncomfortable while learning. It might mean making mistakes, that… other people can see! (OMG, that’s the end of the world!). We have so many limiting beliefs in our brains and this on should be on the top of our lists to exchange with a new one immediately. Solution? Embracing vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness is essential. Leaders can create a culture of learning within their organizations by openly sharing their own learning journeys and encouraging others to do the same. For example, Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, promotes a “learn-it-all” culture rather than a “know-it-all” approach, which has been instrumental in transforming the company. 4. Lack of Feedback Without regular feedback, leaders may not be aware of areas where they need improvement. This lack of insight can lead to a false sense of competence, discouraging further learning. And there are so many new skills (technical / SME-oriented, and social / leadership) that sometimes we simply don’t know what to choose. It’s not surprising! And when we don’t know where to focus, we often choosing not doing anything at all. Solution? Seeking feedback from supervisors, peers, mentors, and team members can provide valuable insights into areas for growth. Leaders should actively solicit constructive feedback and use it as a foundation for their learning plans. Implementing a regular asking mode, even if it’s just sending a short e-mail to 10 people once per quarter with the note: “Hi! I just wanted to ask you for 2 things. What I do well when we work together? What can I do better?” This way we actively seek information with examples from people that can really answer those questions. Easy, simple and doable: how does it sound as a quick implementation idea? 5. Rapid Technological Changes The rapid pace of technological advancements can be intimidating, especially for leaders who are not tech-savvy. The fear of not keeping up with the latest trends can discourage them from trying to learn about new technologies. 2 weeks ago, I’ve started a new growth path in one of the companies I work with. I included some AI tools to show them how they can use the tech tools so they get their time back that they spend right now on repetitive, easy tasks, so they can invest it somewhere else. A bunch of people at the end of the workshop said: “You know what, Alex? It’s all great, extremely useful. But after this workshop I see how big of a gap I must fill out.”. It wasn’t my intention at all! I gave them 3-4 tools + one platform that they can use as a browser if they want to cover a specific need. And that was all! But the feeling or a though in themselves was so strong that we needed to spend a while on addressing that properly. Solution? Leaders should focus on building digital literacy by starting with the basics and gradually advancing their skills. Enrolling in beginner-friendly courses or workshops can help demystify technology. Additionally, partnering with tech-savvy team members or hiring digital consultants can provide guidance and support. The most important thing? Start small. You don’t need to be an expert

16 November 2024 No Comments

Transactional Analysis

Process Communication Model (PCM): Persister

Do you know at least one person that always has an opinion on a given subject? That has a strong set of values and that is the base of most of the decisions that they make? The person that is trustworthy: when they say that something is going to be done, it will, 100%? That’s Persister. First out of six personality types in Process Communication Model (PCM), the concept created by Taibi Kahleb. You can read shortly about the concept HERE, to have a basic structure around what PCM is really about. Today, I would love for us to have a description of who the Persister is, how we recognize this type is in the other person’s Base. Meaning that it is their first floor of personality structure, where they have most of the resources, competencies, and skills. The Base also stands for what is the most natural way of communication for the other person and through what kind of lenses they observe the world. So today we are going to discover who the Persister is, how to navigate when this person is in front of us and what to do to communicate effectively. How do we recognize Persister? Persister is a person who evaluates the world around them by comparing it to their values and beliefs. Their perception is opinions, and a lot of situations with Persisters relate to comparing one thing to another. How they feel, how they think and how they operate daily against the law, rules, policies, ways of working. While being around people, they’re loyal, and they value trust. They always keep promises: for a Persister it is impossible to even think about not keeping the word. If they say they do something, they are going to do it, no matter what. So, we don’t need to ask them several times a question like: “Are you going to go to do it? What is the progress of it?” because they’ll always do it (in fact, that kind of questions drive Persister crazy). How to recognize this person if that we don’t have their personality structure yet? You can listen to the words they need. For Persister it will be: “I believe…”, “in my opinion…”, “we should do something” or …shouldn’t do something”, “I trust…”, “the important thing for me is…”, “the crucial thing is…”. They say those words because they see the world through the lenses of opinions and values: that’s how Persister is the most visible. Of course, we are talking about being in OK-OK zone. It’s about having an opinion, but also always having a good intention. It’s not about pushing the opinion no matter what or aiming to hurt others. They have an opinion on every single subject and even if they don’t (i.e., they’re not interested in something), they have an opinion on it. Like: “Ok, so I’m not into politics because it really doesn’t interest me: I don’t want to waste my time on that subject”. Based on that example, we can see that there is always an opinion, even if at the first sight there’s none. What is also important that Persister doesn’t have any problem with saying those opinions out loud. And it’s not about being rude: it’s about being persistent, having a voice that matters (in professional and/or private life). Of course, HOW the opinion is communicated is important (it needs to be said from the OK-OK perspective). If it’s not – it’s another part of the story. What do Persister need in communication? I’m trustworthy = I’m valuable as a person When do we know that Persister is in distress? What does to be in distress mean? Being a distress means that we don’t have our motivational needs covered and we go into a sequence that is aligned with certain PCM type. So, if you have a Persister on the other side of the communication process and their needs are frustrated, they go into distress, you will see 3 steps of the sequence. Being in distress means that we don’t think clearly. When it happens, we don’t have access to our skillset, abilities to deal with different (especially stressful and difficult) situations, we can’t act accordingly (even if we rationally know how to do it). That’s why it’s so important firstly to come back to OK-OK, to our Base, and then – once we are there, go and deal with the situation. That kind of approach is always going to work, regardless of the PCM type. It’s worth to remember the sequence, since it is repetitive. By training ourselves in recognizing patterns we train our muscle of reacting accordingly, without going into distress ourselves. The mask invites the mask: meaning that behavior under distress will have influence on us, and even if we are in OK-OK zone, we can go into the dark side. Being aware of what’s happening gives us tools to protect ourselves and support others in getting into better place. The bottom line Persister is a great person to cooperate with. When they say that they’ll do something, we can be sure that will happen, no matter what. We don’t even need to doublecheck: for Persisters it’s impossible to not deliver the things that we agreed on, it’s in their DNA to do it. Their strong principles, values, and a high-level need to be trustworthy make them great partners in crime. Of course, while being in distress, they lose access to those resources and go into not so shiny place. It requires more awareness, being mindful what happens with us (if we are Persisters in Base), and other people (when Persister is on the other side of communication process). So, I invite us all to observe those behaviors described in the article starting today. It can help us more than we think, regardless of the type of relation, context, or situation that we are in. It’s always worth to develop in this area. PS. As a first exercise after reading this article,

8 October 2023 No Comments

Organization

How To Teach Others Effectively?

Did you ever have a situation when you wanted to teach a person something? You explained everything, you put a lot of time and effort in it, and at the end of the day the person never learned anything? Or you gave somebody feedback because they didn’t do something correctly. And after the conversation it seemed that everything was okay, but after a couple of weeks or months the same mistake was done by the same person? Did you start getting angry, feeling disappointed or guilty: is it you or is it all about them? Were you persistent, sit with the person and explain the same thing 10 times? Or have you just decided to not bother anymore: since apparently this person doesn’t understand what you are saying? How many cases ends like a failure when we think about teaching others effectively? 20%? 50%? More than that? And how many of them don’t say that they don’t understand because they don’t want to look or sound stupid? What can we do to teach others better, so they can grow thanks to our knowledge and experience? And both sides don’t have the impression that they’ve wasted time on the doubtful effect? Why doesn’t learning process work so often? We can have the best intentions to teach others. In fact, most of the time we have those: we want people to be better in what they do, we share our knowledge, experience and what we’ve learned so far in a certain topic. Everything seems good in our head. The readiness to teach and an honest intention to do it is there. Let’s say we are a buddy to the new employee. We want to onboard this person, take care of them, pass all information about how this organization works. To prepare a new joiner to understand the new environment, how everything gets done, so they don’t waste time and get stressed or frustrated of running around in circles, looking for the right person to answer their questions. We have a plan, we start the process. We pass our knowledge, we teach the other person how to cover the goals we have as a team as well as possible. We check by asking: “do you have any questions?” or “is everything clear for you?”. And what is the answer on those two questions most of the time? 90% people goes with “no, all good, no questions”, “yes, all clear”. Is it your experience too? And it’s clear until it isn’t. We explained everything, checked with new employee and this is it: they start to work on their own. And there is one mistake. And then another one. We give feedback, all is clear again, they go and do the same mistake again. When we ask what they need to do it to have the result that we aim for, they say “nothing, all good”. Sounds familiar? Sometimes we teach, then we see that the work is not done with a result that we did contract for, we give feedback with an intention so next time it’s better. And it’s not better at all: sometimes it’s the same, or even worse. What is happening in between of this process, so the results are often so disappointing (for both sides)? Who we need to be to teach others well? There is a certain set of skills that people who want to be efficient and effective in how they teach others should have. Based on my teaching (others) and learning (from others) perspective, I believe that those are a golden list of competencies that make a person amazing guide to transform work and life of people that are around them. And we do know that you don’t need to be a school or academic teacher to use them. We share knowledge in so many ways every day: we teach our colleagues at work, our kids at home, we share some tips and tricks with our friends or family members, we pass value to the members of our community. What do we need to do it in the best possible way? The bottom line When we teach others, we are there for them. It can be super hard to stop the need to show that we the smartest persons in the room, but we must do it to be effective at teaching others. Remembering that the process where we teach something is for our audience (even if it is a one person), makes us take a step or two back from time to time and reflect on the way we do it. Is it for me, or for them? Where is my focus: on the process, or on the person? Do I care more about ticking all the boxes that I passed everything I had on the agenda, or I care about the change that I make in this person’s brain and heart? These are the questions that I invite all of us to ask ourselves every time we teach something. It will make everything we do better, more effective and efficient, and: we will be satisfied with the job well done.

16 July 2023 No Comments

Leadership

TEAMING: Why No One Teaches How to Be a Good Team Member?

Did you ever noticed that we teach leaders in countless growth programs, workshops, or mentoring processes how to be a great leader, and we almost never teach employees how to be great team members? To follow the TEAMING idea? Why is that? Is it more important to have qualified leaders than people who know how to work well together? We know it’s not true. A part of successful leadership is to have a team that has an ability to cooperate effectively, ideally to like and understand each other as people. During my post-grad studies in Transition Management area, one of the lecturers brought to the class a book named “Teaming: How Organizations Learn, Innovate, and Compete in Knowledge Economy” by Amy C. Edmondson. And while having a conversation about the teaming, people, communication and how it creates great (or not so great) organizations, I’ve started to wonder how all those dots are connected. How one thing influences the other and makes success or failure at the end of the day? How to think about TEAMING: is it even the real thing? What is TEAMING? TEAMING is a mindset. Based on Amy’s book, TEAMING is more about “being” with others in a certain way than “doing” things. Of course, the behavior is an important part of the whole idea, so we can tell that “behaving” is “doing”. But it’s not the point. The point is that TEAMING covers the way of working, behaving, making decisions in work environment where we don’t have a luxury of a stable team structures. Where individuals, teams, departments, and projects need to work together somehow, while the circumstances change all the time. So, TEAMING brings to the table collaboration based on an eagerness to learn, be better every day and communicate as well as possible, despite the constant change that never ends. And it never will, let’s be honest about it. Do we ever think about the qualities of a good team member? We for sure can list very quickly the qualities of a good manager within 30 seconds. But how about team members? Recently, I did this exercise with one group of leaders that I facilitated the workshop for. I asked them to give 2-3 things that they believe are qualities of a great team member. The results came up like this. So, as we can see, there are a lot of things connected with taking responsibility and do the job, but mostly there are things connected to “being” with others. A person who shares knowledge, taking care of other team members, listen, be brave, mentor others etc. Not many “transactional” elements are there as we can see. Interesting, isn’t’ it? How to lead a TEAMING process? As leaders, we have a lot of influence (more that we think we have) on how the work environment looks like for our people. Pretty often we don’t use this power because we don’t believe that it would work, we don’t know how to do it, or we are afraid that we’ll get different outcome from what we aim for by certain actions. We don’t believe that we can actually change something. Leading in TEAMING means using the mindset that will allow people to be a better team member. It consists of three things: A leader is responsible for creating a workspace for people to thrive. It’s all we need to do. Why don’t we teach people how to be great team members? It’s not very intuitive to start from teaching people about being a good team member. Definitively more classical way is to teach leaders how to be great and lead others successfully. But that way, we put all responsibility on the leader’s shoulders. I’m not saying that leader don’t need to grow, have certain set of skills, behaviors or mindset. But when we think about improving the ability of being a great team member, we divide the responsibility into all people that making a team: manager AND team members. Both parties need to participate in the process of team creation: it influences the level of engagement, being in control and a part of something more than just my own scope. Why don’t we do it more often? Maybe because it requires a mindset and approach shift, a creation of a new one to cover the different perspective. And it can be difficult, sometimes going far away into the stretch zone and recreate the growth options we have for people in the organization. What do we need to make that shift? Wouldn’t it be more efficient, nice, and engaging to have more than one people who takes care of different team building elements? Imagine that we all are taking part in building the environment where people are highly motivated, performing very well, create space to give different ideas and have sparing partners to discuss them? Where we learn from each other, share knowledge and the best ways of working? Sounds pretty cool to me. And for you?

7 July 2023 No Comments

Self-Development

5 Ways to Use Every Mistake to Grow

No one likes to make a mistake and fail. Mistakes are connected with one of the worst feelings that a person can experience: guilt, shame, disappointment, sadness, sometimes anger. And the consequence is often an impression that we failed again, that we are not good enough to do what we are aiming to do, or that maybe we should stay where we are. We often think that what we do is pointless, we aren’t meant for more than we have today, we are incompetent, not skilled, strong or smart enough. The truth is that if we don’t fail, it means that we don’t try hard enough. If you don’t make mistakes, it means that you stay in your comfort zone and you don’t push yourself to be in the stretch zone. Mistakes are necessary to grow. Of course they only make sense when we learn from them. When we analyze, make conclusions and move forward being wiser, with better understanding of ourselves, others and the reality that is around. But for many of us, making a mistake, being wrong or making a bad decision is a no-go. The end of the trip, relation or a business opportunity. So the question is: what we can do differently to use the mistakes to grow, instead of being eaten by them alive? Let’s dig deeper into that today. 1. Treat a day without a mistake as a bad day Sara Blakely, who is a founder of Spanx (a brand which sells undergarments, leggings, swimwear and maternity wear in over 50 countries all over the world) was raised with quite a counterintuitive sentence that her father asked her every day. “What you failed at today?”, was this sentence. And when she answered: “nothing, everything was fine”, her father was saying something like: “that means that you didn’t try hard enough”. And that’s how she and her brother learned that they need to have at least one failure or mistake every single day when they come back home from school, because without that, the day is not valuable. It was an actual failure not to fail. Of course it is not only about failing every day and be miserable because of it. The main thing is to fail and learn from every single thing that went wrong. To make mistakes, to reflect and be better the next day. Look how this shift of thinking can free you up from the guilt, being constantly unsatisfied or feeling that you are not good enough. This shift allows you to make a change in your mindset that will have a huge influence on what you do, how you think and make decisions. From now on, every day (at the end of the day or the next day in the morning: if you journal, it’s a great thing to add to your journaling ritual) think about one situation, reaction, decision, or thing you did the day before that you are not proud of. Or you treat it like a mistake, failure, not the best version of yourself. Think about what triggered you to behave that way and ask yourself: what could I’ve done differently in that situation? What other, better decision could I’ve make? Treat a day without a mistake as a bad day, look for those moments that weren’t perfect, reflect and learn from them. But protect yourself from going too far into the rabbit hole of disappointment or guilt: it won’t bring you any good. Be smart about it: when you feel that you don’t feel very well, stop for a few days, get some rest. That’s fine to take a breath from time to time. For some of us that kind of exercise can be really hard, even exhausting. Especially if you have a “Be Perfect” Driver that tells you that when you not 100%, you are not a valuable person. Be aware of it, look for the roots and change your story. This is something you actually can do for yourself. 2. Get one thing for you from every mistake To use every mistake as an opportunity to grow, to build a momentum, we need to be wise about the work that we do within each situation. It is a really thin line between a constructive analysis of the situation and sinking into the abyss of despair, imperfection or disappointment of who we are in compare to who we think we should be. That’s why I would like to invite you to get only one thing from every mistake you make for yourself. Not more, not less. It’s a good and healthy way to protect yourself (especially from the mental health perspective), to not go to deep into the negative emotions. For some of us, it can be tempting to go to far and land in this moment that it’s going to be super hard to get out of. You said something mean to your significant other? Think about why you did that and give yourself one sentence that can be more adequate for you to use the next time when a similar situation appears. Don’t ask yourself the questions like: “does he/she love me at all?”, “am I smart/funny/pretty/handsome enough?” or “where are we going?”. Of course, some of those questions can be valid, but for this exercise reflect on just one thing you can do differently, so you see the results in your area of influence. Somebody at work pushed you to the limits of your patience by their incompetence? You can ask yourself: “are they really incompetent? Maybe their competence lays somewhere else that in my reference frame?”. And one of the most important: “what have I done to come back to OK-OK position with them?”. This is the question that resonates with me lately, and I think that it may be useful for you as well. What one thing can you do differently tomorrow in relation to that person? 3. Invest 5 minutes of growth every time Every time

6 May 2023 No Comments

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