How to become the best version of yourself?

Self-Development

We all have idols. People who we admire, out loud and/or in hiding. They can be our role models in different areas of life – perfect businessperson, entrepreneur, manager, expert, parent, partner, singer, actor, photographer, you name it. A lot of us want to be perfect in every role we have in our lives, even when we know that it is not possible. The best possible version.

What if I told you that it is possible? But in a different way. We all can be the best version of ourselves in all the roles that we have at the moment. What does it mean? And how to achieve it?

Let’s dig deeper and find out together.

What is this best version actually?

The best version of yourself is the person that you want, and you can be.

The beauty of it is that YOU define who is this person by yourself. Not the society, culture, country, your parents, other people WHO KNOW BETTER. You. Because you live this life, not anybody else. And you should know what is the best for you and how you want to live this life.

There are two types of mindsets that influence this subject. And there are not strictly connected to religion, sometimes they are, sometimes they aren’t.

The first one is conservative mindset. This one is all about keeping the status quo. Taking for granted everything that we have been taught: our role in society as men and women, our role in society as children (boys and girls separately), adolescents, adults and elderly people. The cycle of life (school, work, marriage, kids, sickness, death) or the beliefs we have about the position certain elements in life (how we should treat certain things, with what kind of priority they should have): family, work, country, church, house etc. It means that we live certain values, priorities that were given to us, until the end. It’s easier for most people, we don’t need to think about it, because it’s there. We don’t need to create anything new, since it’s all already there. It is what it is, no need to discuss it.

The second one is post conservative mindset. This is the place for people who have been in conservative space, took what they needed or wanted to take from it, and move further. They challenge the status quo, don’t agree to what is given, but looking for the best shape of reality that fits them, individually or as a group of people. They want something more from life, don’t want to spend their lives because somebody told them to do it in a certain way. It is harder, since we need to go way beyond our comfort zone to reach out for what’s over there, and we don’t actually know what we’re going to discover. But it’s worth the risk, sometimes a person discovers something, sometimes not – and that’s perfectly fine. It is all about living lifelong learning value: try, fail, make conclusions from it and move forward.

To be the best possible version of yourself you can be in both stages. It all depends on what “best version” means to you, individually. Though, I am a huge avocat of the post conservative mindset, since I can see how much more we can do when we challenge ourselves, ask hard questions, reach for more. Again, depends on what “more” means to every single one of us.

What to focus on to become this best version?

We can really use the structure of process thinking to become the best version of ourselves. These are the steps that can help you in making a plan to achieve what you want.

Define what this best version means TO YOU. Personally. In which areas of your life you would like to become that? In all of them? In one of them? It is your choice and your definition, no one else’s. Write it down. There is a beautiful book written by Ben Hardy “Be Your Future Self Now” that can help you with this exercise. Use it, define it, make it yours.
Choose your priority. You can’t be everything at once. You can’t do everything at the same time, there is no such thing as multitasking. Choose one role that you have right now to work on. Sometimes the roles are connected – in that case you can pick more than one, but be careful and mindful about what you do. Choose baby steps over a huge change – the more radical your moves will be, the higher risk of resistance and natural aversion to change of your body and mind. And quitting as a result of that.
Make a plan. Use OKRs technique (I’m going to write another article about it, but until then you can use THIS SOURCE to get to know more about the framework). Make 3-5 objectives with 3-5 key results that will give you an answer to a question “am I achieving the goal?” to each role you chose in the previous step. Make it simple, memorable, measurable. Perfect OKRs are designed to be “stretched” by nature – it means that you need to go outside of your comfort zone and do better to achieve it. Try to do a little bit more than yesterday. Little steps will make you better, stronger, more resilient.
Do it mindfully, cut what is not bringing you closer to your goals. One step at the time, every day. Be consistent with your decisions, don’t waste time on things that are not bringing you closer to this person you would like to become. Ben writes about it in his book that I mentioned above – cut the bs that is poisoning your life. How to do it?

What to avoid to not waste time?

We all need time to rest. To reset our brains, to watch a less ambitious movie or make fun of cute cats on Instagram. But there is a line between a need to have a little break and wasting time.

When I know that I’m wasting time?

When I do something repetitively, every day and it’s not giving me any value (i.e. scrolling social media).

When I get distracted all the time, since people ask me to do several things at the same time, and I can’t focus on one thing.

When I spend time with people who are energy vampires, and not creating any value to my life, often only whining about the world and other people.

So what can we do to avoid it and not wasting time? Cut it. Set healthy boundaries, protect ourselves and our time. If you do it right, it’s not rude or selfish (it can be seen that way at first though since people around you are not familiar with that kind of reaction; but no worries, they’ll get used to it). That’s the way of taking care of yourself, to be better in what you do, more efficient, more satisfied, healthier.

Spend time on things that really matter, that get you closer to achieving your goals. Cut everything else, especially if it’s not helpful at all. You will see the difference really quickly.

The bottom line

To become the best version of yourself you need to make a choice. Now. Who I want to be? What is the best version of myself? What do I need to achieve that? What I need to sacrifice to achieve that? Yes, sacrifice is necessary if we really want to change something. We should replace bad habits with good ones, bad people with good one.

Only then our life will be full, happy, healthy and meaningful. Isn’t it a thing that we all want at the end?

Udostępnij

Komentarze

0 0 votes

Article Rating

0 komentarzy

Oldest

Newest Most Voted

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

Czytaj także

Leadership

Building a Product-Centered Organization: The Power Skills Leaders Need to Succeed

In the tech world, it’s easy to get caught up in the latest innovations, algorithms, or cutting-edge frameworks. As leaders, we often pride ourselves on our deep technical expertise. However, even the most advanced technology can’t save an organization if it’s not aligned around the product—a product that solves real customer problems, delivers value, and drives the company’s success. Yet, many leaders struggle to build a product-centered organization. Why? Because it requires more than technical know-how. It demands a set of “power skills”—social skills like communication, problem solving or collaboration—that many tech leaders have not prioritized in their own development. These skills are the foundation of Communication Intelligence (CQ), which is essential for creating an environment where people thrive and want to stay longer in their careers. So, how do we build a product-centered organization? Why is product focus so critical? And what do we, as leaders, need to do to make it happen? Let’s dive in into that today. Why Product is the Heart of Your Organization? At its core, every company exists to deliver value. Whether you’re building software, hardware, or services, your product is the vehicle that delivers that value to customers. A strong product focus ensures that every team, from engineering to marketing to customer support, is aligned with the same goal: creating something that solves real problems and delights users. When organizations lose sight of the product, chaos happens. Teams become siloed, with each department prioritizing its own metrics and goals instead of working together toward a shared vision. Engineers might focus on writing code without considering user needs. Marketing and sales teams might overpromise features that don’t exist. Customer support might be left out of the loop entirely, unable to provide meaningful feedback to improve the product. The result? A fractured organization that frustrates employees and customers alike. Without a clear product focus, employees lose motivation because they don’t see how their work contributes to the bigger picture. Customers churn because their needs aren’t being met. And ultimately, the company’s bottom line suffers. Sounds familiar? Anyone ever experienced that kind of reality? The Leadership Role in Building a Product-Centered Organization As leaders, it’s our job to create an environment where teams are aligned around the product and empowered to deliver their best work. But this doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intentional effort and a specific set of leadership skills—skills that go beyond technical expertise. I know that for some of you it’s way out of your comfort zone, but growing those skills is a must, not a luxury. IF you want to be a leader that people don’t hate. The choice is always yours. #1 Communication Intelligence (CQ) At the heart of a product-centered organization is strong communication. Leaders with high CQ understand how to communicate clearly and efficiently across teams, breaking down silos and ensuring everyone is aligned. The understanding the bigger picture is crucial for people to work together, focused on what is important and bringing us all closer to achieving our goals. High CQ leaders: – Actively listen to feedback from all levels of the organization. – Communicate the “why” behind decisions so teams understand their purpose. – Create a real space for the open dialogue so employees feel comfortable sharing ideas, discussing bottlenecks and solutions to the problems that appear. #2 Visionary Thinking A product-centered organization starts with a clear vision. The product should make a real change and solve a real problem that bothers clients. As a leader, you need to articulate what success looks like for your product and inspire your teams to go with that vision. This means being able to zoom out and see the big picture while also understanding the details that drive execution. #3 Cross-Functional Collaboration No single team owns the product—it’s a collective effort. Leaders must break down silos and encourage collaboration across engineering, design, marketing, sales, and customer support. This requires building bridges between teams and fostering a culture of mutual respect and shared responsibility. A great solution to implement when there are any issues with collaboration between certain teams is to shift their leaders for a while. For example, sales and marketing team is not working together very well (common issue). So, a marketing lead becomes a sales lead for a month and the other way around. That way they get to know exactly what those teams are dealing with daily and thanks to that starting building bridges, instead of fighting each other. It’s one of the ideas of Ben Horowitz and I personally love it. #4 Understanding for Customers and Employees The ability to understand what people need and why they behave in a certain way is a superpower for any leader. To build a great product, you need to deeply understand your customers’ pain points and aspirations. But empathy doesn’t stop with customers—it extends to your employees as well. By understanding their challenges and motivations, you can create an environment where they feel supported and engaged. You know what I see often? Great tech people are designing amazing products and solutions. But then nobody buys it. And they are so surprised, frustrated and they blame everyone around them. But the truth is: You don’t design the product for yourself. You create it for people who have a certain problem to solve. That’s why you need to focus on their needs and voices more. Listen better, ask questions to understand what is underneath the surface. Go to your team and discuss it, brainstorm together so you generate the best possible solutions and start building a MVP for that. Iterate, don’t overinvest time, focus and money into a monster that can be something completely out of the interest zone of potential customers. It might sounds difficult, but over time it becomes easier and easier. You can do it. Addressing Bottlenecks in Your Organization Even with strong leadership skills, building a product-centered organization isn’t without

Czytaj dalej

4 May 2025 No Comments

Leadership

5 Tips for Entry-Level Tech Leaders to Avoid Common Mistakes

Stepping into a leadership role in the tech space might be both, an exciting and daunting experience. As an entry-level tech leader, you not only have to manage projects and technical challenges but also guide your team, lead collaboration, and make strategic decisions. The transition from Subject Matter Expert to a leader can be tricky, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can set yourself (and your team) up for success. Here are five practical tips to help you navigate the early stages of your leadership journey and avoid common mistakes, so you don’t get discouraged before things start to get going properly. #1 Embrace the Shift from “Doer” to “Enabler” One of the most significant challenges for new tech leaders is letting go of the “hands-on” work they were so good at as individual contributors. Sounds familiar? Leadership is not about doing all the work yourself but enabling your team to succeed. You like it or not, this shift in mindset is crucial, so you really can start doing what the leader’s role is really about. The biggest mistake here? Micromanaging or taking over tasks because you believe you can do them faster or better. Of course you do! You’ve been doing those things for months, sometimes for years, so obviously it’s in your genius zone. But by accepting the leadership position you also accepted saying goodbye to those tasks to say hello to the new ones. You can’t have both. What you can do here? – Delegate Effectively: Identify the strengths of your team members and assign tasks accordingly. Trust them to deliver, and provide guidance only when needed. Share your knowledge and experience (if you have it), unlock bottlenecks so they can deliver work efficiently. That’s your role and effective delegation skills are essential for your success. – Focus on Outcomes, Not Processes: Instead of obsessing over how something is done, set clear expectations for the results and let your team figure out the “how.” Your how can be completely different than theirs, but it the outcome is delivered… It’s all that matters. I know that it hurts but if you are the smartest person in the room, you need to change the room. – Use tools like Trello or Asana to track progress without checking or controlling every single detail. If you can’t trust them, they won’t trust you. And this is the first step to going deep down in the rabbit hole of lack of engagement, efficiency and misery. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a leader that builds that kind of environment for myself and my people. #2 Build Culture of Open Communication As a new leader, earning the trust of your team is essential. Without trust, collaboration suffers, and your ability to lead effectively diminishes. Open communication is the foundation of that trust, you like it or not. The biggest mistake here? Assuming that people automatically will come to you with problems. Mutual respect is to build, it doesn’t come with the leadership role itself. What you can do here? – Be Transparent: Share the goals, direction and decision-making processes with your team. This helps them understand your priorities and align with them, and if they not, you can discuss it using data, not assumptions. – Schedule Regular 1:1s: Invest time to check in with each team member individually. Use this time to listen actively, provide feedback, and address concerns, if they occur. Make sure that both of you use the time you have, not for the monologue from your side. – Create a Contracted Space: Make contract with your team on the rules around team meetings, retrospective and innovation brainstorms. Make sure that you really walk the walk the rule of permission for making mistakes. You can even say, “Mistakes are opportunities to learn—let’s solve this together.” #3 Prioritize Learning and Adaptability Technology evolves rapidly, and so do the challenges of leadership. Being open to learning—both technical skills and leadership strategies—is key to staying effective and efficient. One doesn’t exist without another, and it’s about the time to make your peace with that statement. The biggest mistake here? Believing you need to have all the answers or pretending to know everything. What you can do here? – Adopt a Growth Mindset: Treat every challenge as an opportunity to grow. If you’re unsure about something, admit it and commit to finding the answer. Come back to the team with a solution you can all discuss and learn around. Perfection doesn’t exist, only really insecure people will tell you otherwise. Building a Growth Mindset is a real thing, focusing on that will bring you a lot of benefits (professional and private ones). – Seek Mentorship: Connect with leaders more experienced than you, in your organization or outside of it. Ask questions about their leadership journey and learn from their successes and failures. You don’t need to listen to every piece of advice you’ll get from them, but choose what’s applicable to your case and move on faster. – Invest in Learning Resources: Read books on leadership, listen to podcasts, attend workshops, or take online courses. Whatever your learning preferences are, you can invest your time in being 1% better every single day. Even if it’s just 5 minutes. #4 Set Clear Goals and Align Your Team Without clear goals, even the most talented team can lose focus. As a leader, it’s your job to define priorities and ensure everyone is rowing in the same direction. The biggest mistake here? Overloading the team with too many objectives or failing to communicate priorities effectively. What you can do here? – Use OKRs. Objectives and Key Results is one of my favorite method to boost the efficiency and effectiveness of a person, team and organization. Why? Because it’s not telling us “read 3 books”, it’s not a real goal. It answers the question: “SO WHAT?” you’ve read those

Czytaj dalej

13 April 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Work Drama Triangle (and How to Escape It)

The Drama Triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction that highlights dysfunctional dynamics often seen in relationships, workplaces, and personal lives. Created by Stephen Karpman in 1968, this model identifies three primary roles people unconsciously adopt: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. While these roles may feel familiar and even comforting in the moment, they often lead to unproductive behaviors and strained relationships. By understanding the Drama Triangle and replacing it with healthier patterns like the Winning Triangle, we can transform our interactions and create more positive outcomes. And strengthen our muscle of Communication Intelligence (CQ). Let’s dig deeper into the subject today so you can understand better your behavior patterns with a practical solutions on how to get out of it. The Story of the Drama Triangle Stephen Karpman, a student of transactional analysis, developed the Drama Triangle to illustrate how people can become trapped in unhealthy relational patterns. These roles are not fixed, and individuals may shift between them during a single interaction. The triangle often begins with one person adopting a role, which triggers complementary roles in others, creating a cycle of blame, helplessness, and over-involvement. Let’s explore these roles in detail: The Victim The Victim feels powerless, overwhelmed, and unable to take responsibility for their situation. This role is characterized by self-pity and an underlying belief that “I can’t do it” or “Life is unfair.” Behaviors: Avoidance of responsibility, learned helplessness, seeking sympathy. Typical Sentences: – “Why does this always happen to me?” – “I can’t handle this.” – “No one understands how hard this is for me.” Position in the OK-OK Matrix: The Victim operates from an “I’m not OK, you’re OK” position, perceiving themselves as inferior or incapable compared to others. The Persecutor The Persecutor blames and criticizes others to maintain control or assert dominance. They often feel justified in their actions but lack empathy for others. Behaviors: Aggression, fault-finding, micromanaging. Typical Sentences: – “This is all your fault.” – “You never do anything right.” – “If you had just listened to me, we wouldn’t be in this mess.” Position in the OK-OK Matrix: The Persecutor operates from an “I’m OK, you’re not OK” position, seeing themselves as superior while devaluing others. The Rescuer The Rescuer intervenes excessively to “save” others, often neglecting their own needs. While their actions may appear helpful, they can enable Victims to remain passive and dependent. Behaviors: Overhelping, unsolicited advice-giving, neglecting self-care. Typical Sentences: – “Let me fix this for you.” – “You can’t do this without me.” – “Don’t worry; I’ll handle everything.” Position in the OK-OK Matrix: The Rescuer operates from an “I’m OK, you’re not OK” position but masks it with seemingly altruistic behavior. What Is the Cost of the Drama Triangle at Work? When workplace interactions are led by the Drama Triangle, several negative outcomes emerge: – Decreased Productivity: Time and energy are wasted on blame-shifting or rescuing instead of solving problems collaboratively. – Eroded Trust: Dysfunctional dynamics create resentment and reduce psychological safety among team members. – Stagnation: Victims avoid growth opportunities, Persecutors stifle creativity through criticism, and Rescuers prevent others from developing autonomy. – Burnout: Rescuers often overextend themselves, while Victims feel perpetually overwhelmed and Persecutors experience frustration from unmet expectations. In essence, the Drama Triangle traps individuals in cycles of conflict and inefficiency, undermining both individual well-being and organizational success. The Winning Triangle: A Healthier Alternative To break free from the Drama Triangle, Acey Choy introduced the Winning Triangle as a model for healthier interactions. This framework replaces the dysfunctional roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer with three constructive counterparts: Vulnerable, Assertive, and Caring/Coaching. These roles empower individuals to take responsibility for themselves while keeping respect and collaboration with others. And to operate from OK-OK position that gives us a chance to use all of our skills and growth mindset. Vulnerable (Replacing the Victim) Vulnerability involves acknowledging one’s feelings and needs without going into the realm of helplessness. It requires self-awareness and a willingness to seek support constructively. What can you do? – Admit when you’re struggling but frame it as an opportunity for growth. – Ask for help without expecting others to solve everything for you. – Use “I” statements to express your needs clearly. How can you say it? – “I’m feeling overwhelmed; can we brainstorm solutions together?” – “I need some support with this task—could you guide me through it?” Vulnerability fosters authenticity and encourages open communication. It creates an environment where challenges are addressed collaboratively rather than avoided. It’s healthier, creating a space to grow, make mistakes and learn from them, as well as using the experience and wisdom of others’. Assertive (Replacing the Persecutor) Assertiveness involves expressing one’s thoughts and boundaries respectfully while considering others’ perspectives. It balances confidence with empathy. What can you do? – Provide constructive feedback rather than criticism. – Set boundaries clearly but kindly. – Focus on solutions instead of assigning blame. How can you say it? – “I noticed an issue with this report; let’s discuss how we can improve it.” – “I value your input, but I need some time to focus on my own tasks right now.” Assertiveness promotes accountability and problem-solving without alienating others. It helps create a culture of respect and mutual understanding, without treating people like worse or stupid. It’s creating a chance for everybody to take their own responsibility for what they do at work. Caring (Replacing the Rescuer) Caring involves offering support without overstepping boundaries or fostering dependency. It respects others’ autonomy while providing encouragement. What can you do? – Offer help only when it’s needed or requested. – Encourage others to take ownership of their responsibilities. – Practice active listening without immediately jumping in with solutions. How can you say it? – “How can I support you in resolving this issue?” – “You’ve got this—I’m here if you need guidance.” Caring builds trust and empowers

Czytaj dalej

16 March 2025 No Comments