Can we worry less? 3 elements to transform your mindset

Communication Intelligence is always first about understanding what we do. And there’s one skill in there that a lot of Tech Leaders are not treating with respect. Not a lot of them focus on that one, and it costs a lot. I’m talking about the listening skills. When I was doing the research for the book that I’m going release soon, I was thinking about different angles of CQ. All of the algorithms that people are using consciously or mostly unconsciously when communicating with other people, especially when being leaders. And there are so many courses, books, podcast episodes, articles, YouTube videos, and TED Talks about speaking, public speaking, or speaking to others. But it dawned on me that there are not a lot of courses and other sources of knowledge about listening. And I’ve started to wonder why that is. I think it is because we think that listening is so easy. You just need to sit and listen, right? Nothing further from the truth. To make a little mindset and skillset shift in this area, today I’ve decided to give you 4 types of listening and some active listening tools and techniques for tech leaders. Let’s dig in! 4 Types of Listening There are 4 types of listening that tell us more about our intrinsic, mostly unconscious motivations: Why do we even go into the conversation with other people? Listen to reply. This is what most of the people do. We listen only to make a moment for ourselves to tell something. We are not listening for other reasons. And if we have this habit of not interrupting, we just cannot wait to jump in and say something. Most of the time, for us is to share information. So, saying what we know, what we have in our brains. We are not there to do anything more than reply. Listen to understand. In this type, people paraphrase, they ask additional questions; they can tell something like: “OK, this is interesting; tell me more.” They can say something with their own words, like: “OK, so I understand from what you’re saying that… Is that correct?” It is to understand, without guessing. Listen to connect. When people want to connect with us, they go deeper. They talk about something important for them, and they share reflections, opinions, values, thoughts, or emotions. They want to connect and find something meaningful for both sides. So, they ask more, they are more attentive, they’re curious about the other person, with an intention to build a relationship (regardless of the context). Listen to co-create. I’m listening to you to create something together, to make some value, to create a solution, to solve a problem, to create a functionality together, or to make a change. We are co-creating something, building a thing that can be valuable or useful for other people. So, I’m listening to what you’re saying, you’re listening to what I’m saying, and we make the synergy from those two things to create something together. Statistically, most people are listening only to reply. Secondly, they listen to understand. Then they listen to connect with some, and very few listen to co-create. The question is: Why is it happening in that order? From my observations and experiences with different leaders, teams, and organizations, it happens because of the way we work and the pressure we have (external and internal). So, my advice for you here is to just reflect on what you do. Next time, when you are going to have a conversation with somebody, just be more aware of how you respond to them and what you’re doing. What do you have in your brain? What is your priority for the conversation? What is the goal of the conversation? It can be private, and it can be professional (maybe private even is going to be more insightful). If you’re only talking, talking, talking, talking to vomit information on the other… Make a pause and observe: “Hey, I’m doing it. How can I be in a different bucket, more curious about the other person, more attentive to what they’re saying, more observant of them?”. Start with that small step, notice the difference. And how to do it? Here’s a list of simple techniques to strengthen your listening leadership muscle. Active Listening Techniques for Tech Leaders   #1 Paraphrasing It’s literally repeating what the other person said with a few different words. It’s the simplest tool to check if you got what was told, not assuming that you did. You can start with: “What I’m hearing is…” or “From what you say, I understand that…”. Facts, not opinions. Even if you are a Base Persister, you need to stick to the information without using much of your own frame of reference. Paraphrasing is for you to confirm understanding and de-escalate any misunderstandings that can appear during the conversation. #2 Asking open-ended questions This is the one that a lot of people struggle with. What I observed over the years of working with people from different cultures, it differs from culture to culture. Some countries have a preference to ask closed-ended questions to maintain harmony and avoid confrontation (i.e., Poland, Japan, Korea, Latin America, India). And some of them ask more open-ended questions to drive clarity and efficiency in discussions (i.e., USA, the Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Arab countries). Asking closed-ended questions is fine if you want to get a straight, yes/no answer. But especially during workshops when we train with leaders on how to give feedback or just use the requestive PCM® channel, it appears how often they use this type of question by coincidence, purely unconsciously. And they’re so surprised that they don’t get the answer they aim for: Especially when they ask a closed-ended question with negation inside (i.e., “Don’t you think that’s a good idea?”). Open-ended questions directed to the Base Thinker or Persister will open a whole new conversation. You can get to know so much, only from changing one piece of

Are you feeling sick to your stomach on Sunday afternoon when you think about starting work on Monday? Or maybe you are under constant stress and pressure of not delivering everything you have on your task list? Not being up to date with everything that’s changing in the Tech world? Do you have moments of energy so low that you don’t even want to get out of bed to start working? If you said “YES” to at least one of the above, it might mean that you’re in the middle of burnout. A lack of power, energy, intrinsic motivation, and engagement to do things at work. Why is burnout a new pandemic, especially in the tech world? I see so many leaders, startup Founders and team members who are experiencing that state than I can count. That’s why I’ve decided to take a closer look at the subject and give you 2 things: The root cause analyses and some solutions that you can take and implement. So, if you are this person or you know somebody who is in the burnout zone, keep reading.   Burnout Root Cause No. 1: Stretching Too Much   The first root cause of burnout is staying in the stretch zone too much. In the article about OKRs, I gave you 4 zones of efficiency and growth: Bored, Comfort, Stretch, and Burnout Zone. When we are in the Comfort Zone too much, there’s no growth, and we can go into the Bored Zone. When we are in the Stretch Zone too much, we can go into the Burnout Zone. If you put yourself under too much pressure, you want to learn too much in a super short period of time, if you take on responsibilities that you’re not ready for or prepared to… You can go into burnout very easily. So, the question is: Do you push yourself too hard? Do you demand of yourself the things that you’re not so demanding about when it comes to others? And don’t get me wrong here. I’m a demanding person. I push myself every single day, but it costs a lot. And I’ve learned it the hard way because I pushed myself and then pushed myself and then I got sick. So, it was the wakeup call for me: To take care of my health and get my priorities straight. Do I still have moments of exhaustion? Sure, I have. But I also know that the best way is to move from Comfort to Stretch Zone in balance to prevent burnout. Diluted focus gives you diluted results. Always. The burnout among IT professionals, leaders, C-level people, Founders, and Co-founders in the startup setup is well-documented and a growing issue. So, it’s not like it wasn’t visible in the past, and it appeared like today. It’s growing, and it’s a lot of research, a lot of studies about this issue.   Burnout Root Cause No. 2: Excessive Workload   Another root cause is excessive workload and working long hours. Of course. Especially when you are a Founder or Co-founder, when you are building your business from scratch. But it should be a phase, not a day-to-day reality until the rest of your life. So, we have heavy workloads and frequent overtime. When you work as a highly responsible person (the higher position in the org chart, the more responsibilities you have), there’s a pattern of an expectation, mostly unspoken, to be constantly available. It’s also attached to the SME level; it seems like everybody experiences it. And we have numbers to show us how much it cost. The research of the ISACA Tech Workplace and Culture survey from March 2025 shows that 54 % of IT professionals have heavy workloads, and 43 % point to long hours as the primary drivers of burnout. We have more. The same research is talking about tight deadlines, 41% respondents say that they lack resources, 41 % underlines unsupportive management, also 41% the lack of appreciation.   Burnout Root Cause No. 3: Constant High Pressure   Another bucket of the burnout root causes in tech is high pressure work environment. When you work in a startup environment, it is super high-pressure because we are going for the next round of investment, or maybe we have a VC on board, and they require results because they invested and they want to get the money back. There’s always going to be pressure when it comes to money, startup setup or the corporate world. But we also have a high pressure of an expectation for innovation and rapid delivery. Because the world is shifting, and technology is changing so fast that it’s like being on a mission all the time. Tight deadlines, high expectations. Constant misery of the business because they’re not happy with the deadlines, with the functionalities that we deliver.   Burnout Root Cause No. 4: Continuous Learning Demand   In connection with that, the next part is the rapid technological change in continuous learning demand. So, it adds up to the pressure as well, because we need to continually update skills, especially Subject Matter Experts, engineers, and leaders. We like it or not, we cannot know everything. And I know that a lot of Thinkers are not on board with me on that one, but it is impossible to be up to date with everything. But a lot of professionals are overwhelmed by the pressure to learn new tools and practices while managing the existing responsibilities, tasks, projects, and initiatives, because it is like having two jobs. So, one, my day job is to keep the machine running, and the next job, the second part of it, is to keep up. And it can be a cause of burnout because it’s impossible. After all, it’s a never-ending story. It’s impossible to know everything.   Burnout Root Cause No. 5: Work-Life Imbalance   The next one is work-life imbalance and blurred boundaries. So, it is a shift, and I think it started