Transactional Analyst’s Story: Drivers

Transactional Analysis

I’ve started to talk about drivers in one the previous articles created to address the issue of saying “no” to things in order to get our time back. Just one out of five drivers that are a part of Transactional Analysis was covered then, and today we’ll have all of them to see, what they are about and where you can use the knowledge about it to life a better life.

Regarding TA there are 5 Drivers: Be Strong, Be Perfect, Please People, Try Hard and Hurry Up. Each of those has its own characteristics and roots, as well as the ways they can do us harm or support us as a source of potential and skills. Today we are going to dig deeper to get to know how we can use them as allies, instead of treating them as enemies.

What are Drivers?

Drivers are orders that we give ourselves. These are messages like “you should…”, “you must…” or “you be like…” that often take on a character of a compulsory principle pushing us to do a certain action. Drivers have roots in our childhood, they are mostly based on what we’ve heard from our parents or others who raised us, unconsciously taken as a proper way to behave to get recognition.

There are 5 Drivers. Each person can live with all of them, but most of us has 1-2 main ones that become our dominant behavior, a reaction to a certain stimuli, context or situation.

Read all 5 short descriptions below and see which one is telling the most truth about yourself. Each driver can be an order that pushes us to do things in a certain way, mostly making a negative outcome. But we can also use drivers as “work styles”. In that case we decide, consciously, how to take advantage of their potential and treat them as a source of talent, strength and skills. To be the owner, not the victim.

Driver no. 1: Be Strong

Be Strong is when we don’t like to admit that we don’t know something. We rather don’t ask for help or opinion of others, since it might look like we are weak, or not able to deal with something. Be Strong is very critical of yourself and others, often says: “I can handle it”, even when they know it’s not true. They spend a lot of time on finding proper data, answers or information, instead of asking somebody, because of the fear of being judged as incompetent or not good enough.

When “Be Strong” is a work style? People with strong “Be Strong” are reliable, trustworthy, very skilled. They are great when working under pressure, they are dealing amazingly well with highly stressful, demanding situations. They are persistent, focused and they don’t give up. These are great qualities when we put them that way. Use them to be a strong, skilled partner, to have a seat at the table. Be Strong can help us to achieve extraordinary things, to grow every day, to look for new solutions or ideas and actually implement them. Be Strong with your goals, plans and things you want to do and learn. Follow this path with persistence and you’ll quickly see the results.

Driver no. 2: Be Perfect

Be Perfect is when we only accept perfection in actions, results, products regarding ourselves and others as well. When we do something, it’s all or nothing – every different result is not good enough. We constantly strive for perfection, without tolerating the slightest flaws, since those are the signs of weakness. Without careful preparation, we can not start a task at all, and once we do, we will do it for as long as it’s needed to be perfect. Based on that, it’s hard to meet the deadlines for us, so we are not as efficient as we should be at the end of the day. We also have the highest standards so it’s often very hard to delegate tasks, since we don’t believe in other peoples’ capabilities to do it like we would do it – perfect.

When “Be Perfect” is a work style? People with strong “Be Perfect” have the highest standards and quality of their work. They predict different scenarios, and they are prepared for the worse. They are focused on delivering the best result possible and they’ll do everything to keep it that way. Use it to be concentrated on what really matters, on not wasting time on things without a certain level of importance or influence. Be the best version of yourself and deliver great value. Add to it a little touch of being Ok-Ok with not finishing everything perfect. Set yourself a goal that you’ll let go 20% of the things that are not super important, and the rest 80% of what you’re doing will be “perfect” (whatever perfect means to you). You can use the Influence Matrix and focus of the top right quadrant. Letting go is an important part of using “Be Perfect” to serve us, not the other way around.

Driver no. 3: Please People

Please People is when we put the needs of others ahead of our owns. If somebody is asking us for help, we quit what we’re doing at the moment, and we start supporting them. We often cover other peoples’ work, sometimes even without asking if anyone needs it. We want to avoid hurting people by being unhelpful, we are not saying directly when something is not fine with us, we don’t question the necessity or urgency of doing something. We don’t set boundaries to protect ourselves, because we are afraid of stop being likable or supportive as a person. We work long hours, are exhausted, frustrated and tired of being pushed all the time.

When “Please People” is a work style? People with strong “Please People” are amazing when it comes to building trust, relations and atmosphere. They have a high credit of social trust, others like being around them, they have a good influence on the environment they are at. Use this to build strong relationships, alliances, great place to work or live. It is an amazing source of good impact, all you can use is to set better boundaries. Boundaries are important so you can treat yourself as an equal partner in each relation and context, to protect yourself and your time. It can be one of the hardest things to do, but with that Please People can be a superpower.

Driver no. 4: Try Hard

Try Hard is when we put a tremendous effort and enthusiasm to do something. We tend to delay tasks by opening many new ways to do it, creating different scenarios. We are more focused on starting many things, than on finishing the current ones and regarding that we have a tendency to not finish them at all or to delay deadlines.

When “Try Hard” is a work style? Try Hard can be a huge advantage in the first stages of a project or initiative, when we brainstorm and there is a need of creativity. The holistic thinking, connecting the dots, thinking differently is a great source of inspiration when we seek for innovation, challenging the status quo. Be a part of a team, initiative, project when it starts or when the team needs more stimuli, encouragement to boost their motivation and performance will be one of the best positive usages of this one.

Driver no. 5: Hurry Up

Hurry Up is usually a complementary driver, working with others to boost their positive or negative impact. It works when we work fast and in a short period of time we cover many tasks. We do things in a rush, and it often leads to many mistakes, poor quality of work and it at the end it extends the duration of the tasks since it needs many corrections. That way, saving time is apparent. Regarding the constant hurry, we don’t have an ability to be right here right now, we are not mindful and in consequence we might not build close, long-term relations with others.

When “Hurry Up” is a work style? People with strong Hurry Up are great in a crisis. They make decisions fast. They can use their fast-thinking brains to make everything logical in a short period of time. They are focused on the result they need to bring in, so they get rid of risks and concentrate on what really matters in a certain situation. Use your Hurry Up when there is a need to finish a task, when working under pressure and take a deep breath and a step back in regular situations. It will bring more balance and be a growth opportunity.

The bottom line

As you can see, drivers can be treated like friends, as well as like enemies. Like regarding almost everything, we can see the glass half full or half empty, and it’s our choice which approach we are going to take. The essence of this topic is to be aware of which 1-2 of those drivers are the strongest in your case, and decide what you want to do with it. How to use it as a work style, and don’t let it to limit your potential and opportunities to learn and grow every day? That’s a real question to answer.

So, how you are going to use your driver to be a better version of yourself today?

Udostępnij

Komentarze

0 0 votes

Article Rating

1 Komentarz

Oldest

Newest Most Voted

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

gate io uk

1 year ago

Reading your article helped me a lot and I agree with you. But I still have some doubts, can you clarify for me? I’ll keep an eye out for your answers.

Czytaj także

Leadership

10 Ways to Get Your Time Back: Practical Tips for a Tech Leader

As a Tech Leader, your day is likely filled with endless meetings, urgent emails, project deadlines, and unexpected crises. It’s easy to feel like there’s never enough time to focus on what truly matters—whether that’s strategic thinking, team development, or even your own well-being. But here’s the good news: with a few intentional changes, you can reclaim your time and focus on what drives real impact. This isn’t about pretty theories or abstract advice. Below, you’ll find 10 practical, actionable tips that you can start implementing today to get your time back. Interested? Let’s get to it! #1 Audit Your Calendar Your calendar tells the story of where your time goes—and often, it’s not a pretty picture. Start by reviewing your calendar for the past two weeks. Ask yourself: Which meetings were truly necessary? Could some have been shorter? Were there meetings I didn’t need to attend at all as a leader of my team? Depends on the answers, make some shifts. Move meetings around, if you have influence on them: put them in the time of the day that you’re not in your genius zone. Use the calendar as you source of power, not a thing you are a slave of. Actionable Tip: For every recurring meeting on your calendar, apply the “zero-based budgeting” approach. Assume the meeting doesn’t need to exist unless there’s a compelling reason to keep it. For meetings you do keep, limit them to 25 or 50 minutes instead of the standard 30 or 60 minutes—this will force more focused discussions and give you breathing room between calls. #2 Delegate Like a Pro Leader Tech Leaders often fall into the trap of trying to do everything themselves—whether it’s troubleshooting a technical issue or reviewing every line of code. But delegation isn’t just about offloading tasks; it’s about empowering your team and creating space for you to focus on higher-level priorities. Actionable Tip: Use the “3D Framework” for tasks: Do it, Delegate it, or Delete it. If a task doesn’t absolutely require your expertise, delegate it to someone who can handle it. And if it doesn’t add value, delete it altogether. Make sure of good contracting around the delegation though: it needs to be clear, including context, checking on the skillset of the person who’s going to get the task. Be smart here; don’t assume: ask. #3 Batch Similar Tasks Together Switching between tasks—like coding, answering emails or Slack / Teams messages, and attending meetings—can drain your mental energy and waste time. Instead, group similar tasks together and tackle them in dedicated blocks of time. Actionable Tip: Create “themed” days or blocks of time. For example: – Monday mornings: Strategic planning – Tuesday afternoons: One-on-ones with team members – Friday mornings: Deep work on a long-term project When you batch tasks, you reduce context-switching and increase focus. Let’s say it once for good: there’s no such thing as multitasking. You can switch between tasks really quickly, but it has its cost. Reduce it, be more focused and you’ll see the difference in your efficiency and energy level as a leader. #4 Say “No” More Often Every time you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else—often your own priorities. Learning to say “no”, or “yes, and…” is one of the most powerful ways to protect your time as a Tech Leader. Actionable Tip: When someone asks for your time, don’t respond immediately. Instead, say: “Let me think about it and get back to you.” This gives you space to evaluate whether the request aligns with your goals. If it doesn’t, politely decline or suggest an alternative solution. Remember about being in OK-OK space: you don’t want to be rude or aggressive; boundary setting is not about hurting others, it’s about protecting yourself. #5 Leverage Asynchronous Communication Not every conversation needs to happen in real-time. In fact, asynchronous communication can save you hours each week by reducing unnecessary meetings and interruptions. Actionable Tip: Use tools like Slack, MS Teams, or Loom to communicate asynchronously. For example, instead of scheduling a meeting to discuss a project update, record a short video or write a detailed message outlining the key points and next steps. Bonus Tip: Set clear expectations for response times in asynchronous channels (i.e., “respond within 24 hours”) so everyone stays aligned without feeling pressured to reply instantly. #6 Automate Repetitive Tasks If you’re spending time on repetitive tasks that could be automated, you’re leaving valuable hours on the table. Automation isn’t just for developers—it’s a key productivity tool for all of us, regardless of our role in the organization. Actionable Tip: Identify one repetitive task you handle weekly (i.e., generating reports, scheduling meetings, answering emails) and automate it using tools like Zapier, IFTTT, or custom scripts. Example: Automate status updates by integrating project management tools like Jira or Trello with Slack so your team gets real-time progress updates without manual intervention. #7 Create Decision-Making Frameworks Decision fatigue is real—and as a tech leader, you’re probably making dozens of decisions every day. And we have a limited decision capacity: we make around 35,000 decisions daily, but less than 100 are optimal. Creating frameworks can help streamline this process and free up mental energy for more important work and more capacity for better decisions. Actionable Tip: Develop simple decision-making criteria for recurring situations. For example: Hiring decisions: Does this candidate have at least 70% of the required skills? Project prioritization: Does this initiative align with our top three business goals? Task selection: Does this task bring me closer to the OKRs I have on my list for this quarter? By standardizing decisions, you’ll spend less time deliberating and more time executing. #8 Adopt a “Less is More” Leadership Mindset In Tech Leadership, more isn’t always better—more features, more meetings, more initiatives can lead to diminishing returns. Focus on doing fewer things exceptionally well rather than spreading yourself too

Czytaj dalej

5 January 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Why Habits Are Better Than Goals: A Guide for Leaders

As technology leaders, we live in a world driven by deadlines, KPIs, and ambitious goals. We’re taught to set objectives and measure progress. But what if I told you that focusing on habits rather than goals might be the game-changer you’ve been looking for? Especially if you’re struggling to find time for your own professional development or noticing low engagement within your team, shifting your mindset to prioritize habits could transform not only your leadership but also your entire organization. Let’s explore why habits are more powerful than goals and how they can help you lead with greater impact. The Problem with Goals Goals are seductive. They promise a future where everything is better: you’ve mastered a new skill, your team is more engaged, or you’ve finally achieved that elusive work-life balance. But here’s the catch: goals are outcome-focused. They emphasize the “what” rather than the “how”. For example, let’s say your goal is to improve team engagement. You might set metrics like increasing participation in meetings or boosting employee satisfaction scores. But once you hit those targets, what happens next? Without a system in place, the progress often stalls or even reverses. Goals also have an inherent flaw: they’re temporary. Once achieved, they leave a void. This is why so many of us experience the post-goal slump: a sense of “what now?” after crossing the finish line. Moreover, as busy technology leaders, goals can feel overwhelming. When your calendar is already packed with back-to-back meetings and project deadlines, adding another goal to the mix can feel like just another task on an endless to-do list. Why Habits Are the Better Alternative? Habits, on the other hand, focus on the process. They are small, consistent actions that compound over time to create meaningful change. Instead of chasing a distant outcome, habits anchor you in the present and guide your daily behavior. Here’s why this matters: Habits Build Identity. While goals are about achieving something external, habits shape who you are. For example, instead of setting a goal to “become a better communicator,” you could develop the habit of asking open-ended questions during one-on-one meetings. Over time, this habit reinforces your identity as a leader who listens and connects deeply with their team. Habits Are Sustainable. Unlike goals, which have an endpoint, habits are ongoing. They create a foundation for continuous improvement without requiring constant resets. A habit like setting aside 15 minutes every day for professional reading or reflection becomes part of your routine:no extra mental energy required. Habits Reduce Decision Fatigue. As a leader, you make countless decisions every day. Habits automate certain behaviors, freeing up mental bandwidth for higher-priority tasks. For instance, if you establish a habit of starting each morning by reviewing your team’s priorities, you don’t have to waste time deciding how to begin your day: it’s already decided for you. Habits Drive Engagement. When it comes to team dynamics, habits can be contagious. If you consistently model behaviors like active listening or celebrating small wins, your team is likely to adopt those practices as well. Over time, these shared habits create a culture of engagement and collaboration without requiring constant top-down interventions. How to Build Habits That Stick? Now that we’ve established why habits are so powerful, let’s talk about how to build them effectively. Here are some practical steps tailored for busy technology leaders: #1 Start Small One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to change their entire routine overnight. Instead, focus on one small habit at a time. For example, if you want to prioritize professional development, commit to reading just one article or watching one TED Talk per week. Once this becomes second nature, you can build on it. #2 Anchor New Habits to Existing Routines Habits are easier to establish when they’re tied to something you already do regularly. For instance, if you want to foster better communication with your team, make it a habit to ask for feedback during your weekly check-ins. The check-in is already part of your routine; now it has an added layer of intentionality. #3 Focus on Systems, Not Outcomes Instead of obsessing over results, concentrate on creating systems that support your desired behavior. For example, if you want to encourage innovation within your team, implement a habit of dedicating 10 minutes at the end of each meeting for brainstorming new ideas. #4 Track Progress and Celebrate Small Wins While habits don’t rely on external validation like goals do, tracking your progress can still be motivating. Use apps or simple checklists to monitor consistency and celebrate milestones along the way. #5 Be Patient and Consistent Habits take time to form: research suggests anywhere from 21 days to several months depending on the complexity of the behavior. Don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Focus on consistency over perfection. The Ripple Effect of Habits in Leadership When you embrace habits as a leader, the benefits extend far beyond your personal growth: they ripple out to your entire team and organization. Here are some examples: Improved Team Engagement. By modeling habits like regular recognition or transparent communication, you create an environment where team members feel valued and motivated. Greater Innovation. Small habits like encouraging questions or dedicating time for creative thinking can spark breakthroughs that drive your projects forward. Stronger Relationships. Consistent habits like active listening or showing empathy build trust and strengthen connections with both colleagues and stakeholders. Most importantly, focusing on habits helps you lead by example. It shows your team that growth isn’t about chasing lofty goals but about showing up every day with intention and purpose. A Challenge for You! As you reflect on this article, I want to leave you with a simple challenge: choose one habit that aligns with your leadership vision and commit to practicing it consistently for the next 30 days. It could be as simple as starting each day with five minutes of mindfulness or ending each meeting

Czytaj dalej

24 December 2024 No Comments

Leadership

Communication Intelligence (CQ): A Key to the Effective Leadership

In the ever-evolving landscape of work, where collaboration and innovation are necessary to survive on the demanding market, one skill stands out as a game-changer: Communication Intelligence (CQ). As a tech leadership expert and someone deeply invested in helping leaders and teams create environments where people thrive, I cannot stress enough the importance of mastering CQ. It’s not just about talking or listening; it’s about understanding, tailoring, and connecting. Let’s dive into what CQ is, why it matters, and how we can build this skill: both as leaders and team members. What Is Communication Intelligence (CQ)? At its core, Communication Intelligence (CQ) is the ability to adapt your communication style to connect effectively with others. It’s about being aware of your own communication tendencies while recognizing and responding to the diverse preferences of those around you. Think of it as emotional intelligence (EQ) but focused specifically on how we exchange information, ideas, and emotions. CQ involves empathy, adaptability, and clarity. It’s not just about what you say but how you say it—and how it’s received. Mastering CQ means being intentional in your interactions and ensuring that your message resonates with the person or people on the other side. Why Is CQ Essential for Leaders and Team Members? In my work with leaders and teams, I often see how miscommunication can ruin even the best intentions. A lack of CQ can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and disengagement. On the flip side, strong CQ fosters trust, collaboration, and alignment: key ingredients for both thriving teams and great business results. Here’s why CQ is crucial: #1 For Leaders: they set the tone for communication within their teams. If a leader lacks CQ, they risk alienating team members, failing to inspire, or unintentionally creating a culture of fear or confusion. Leaders with high CQ can tailor their messages to motivate diverse individuals, navigate difficult conversations with grace, and build an environment where everyone feels heard and valued. #2 For Team Members: in a team setting, CQ helps individuals collaborate more effectively. When team members understand each other’s communication styles, they can avoid unnecessary friction and build stronger relationships. High CQ also empowers individuals to voice their ideas in ways that resonate with others, fostering innovation and mutual respect. Understanding what high CQ looks like (and what it doesn’t) is key to developing this skill. Let’s explore some examples and anti-examples. Examples of High CQ Behaviors: – active listening: truly hearing what someone is saying without interrupting or jumping to conclusions to soon, – tailoring messaging: adapting your tone, language, or delivery based on the audience. For instance, explaining a technical concept in simple terms for a non-technical stakeholder, – understanding in action: acknowledging someone’s emotions and needs before moving to problem-solving. For example, saying, “I can see this situation has been frustrating for you” before diving into solutions, – clarity in feedback: providing constructive feedback that is specific, actionable, and framed positively. And what’s even more: giving people space to take it in and make a decision what they want to do with it (take or discard), – proactive negative conflict resolution: addressing misunderstandings early rather than letting them grow and eat people alive. And remembering that not all conflicts are bad (actually a fear of conflict is one of the 5 Dysfunctions Of The Team by Patrick Lencioni). Anti-Examples of Low CQ Behaviors: – interrupting or talking over others: this signals a lack of respect and can shut down meaningful dialogue. It also means that you don’t care about the other person, or anything they say or think, – one-size-fits-all communication: using the same approach for everyone without considering individual preferences or needs. There’s only 17% of chances that the person next to you prefers your communication base. That’s why listening and tailoring is so important: to get the stakes higher than that, – ignoring non-verbal cues: overlooking body language or tone that suggests someone is uncomfortable or disengaged. We have 4 things we can observe: mimics, ton of voice, gestures and posture. Ignoring those non-verbal imformation is going to cost us a lot, – defensiveness in feedback: reacting negatively when receiving constructive criticism instead of seeking to understand, ask more questions, be curious about what the other person wants to say to me, – avoiding difficult conversations: failing to address issues directly, leading to confusion or resentment. And the further it goes, the worse it becomes: it’s really difficiult to stop the huge snowball. So what we can do to avoid those anti-examples? Use PCM to Build it! One of the most effective tools I use when working with leaders and teams on CQ is the Process Communication Model (PCM). PCM provides a framework for understanding different personality types and their communication preferences. It’s like having a map that helps you navigate the complexities of human interaction. So why PCM is a good idea to support buildling a high CQ level? It gives you bigger self-awareness: start by identifying your own dominant personality type. This helps you understand your natural communication style and potential blind spots. With whom it’s super easy to go with and when it will be a bigger challenge. It equips you with higher ability of observation: pay attention to the verbal and non-verbal cues of others to identify their preferred communication style. For example: – A Thinker might appreciate detailed agendas and logical arguments. – A Harmonizer may respond better to warmth and emotional connection. It gives you a reason to adapt more: tailor your communication to match the other person’s style. If you’re a Promoter speaking with an Imaginer, slow down and give them time to process rather than pushing for immediate action. It shows you how to practice under stress: PCM also teaches us how stress impacts communication. For instance, under stress, a Thinker might become overly critical, while a Rebel might resort to sarcasm and manipulation. Recognizing these patterns helps us respond constructively rather than

Czytaj dalej

29 November 2024 No Comments