Transactional Analyst’s Story: Drivers

Transactional Analysis

I’ve started to talk about drivers in one the previous articles created to address the issue of saying “no” to things in order to get our time back. Just one out of five drivers that are a part of Transactional Analysis was covered then, and today we’ll have all of them to see, what they are about and where you can use the knowledge about it to life a better life.

Regarding TA there are 5 Drivers: Be Strong, Be Perfect, Please People, Try Hard and Hurry Up. Each of those has its own characteristics and roots, as well as the ways they can do us harm or support us as a source of potential and skills. Today we are going to dig deeper to get to know how we can use them as allies, instead of treating them as enemies.

What are Drivers?

Drivers are orders that we give ourselves. These are messages like “you should…”, “you must…” or “you be like…” that often take on a character of a compulsory principle pushing us to do a certain action. Drivers have roots in our childhood, they are mostly based on what we’ve heard from our parents or others who raised us, unconsciously taken as a proper way to behave to get recognition.

There are 5 Drivers. Each person can live with all of them, but most of us has 1-2 main ones that become our dominant behavior, a reaction to a certain stimuli, context or situation.

Read all 5 short descriptions below and see which one is telling the most truth about yourself. Each driver can be an order that pushes us to do things in a certain way, mostly making a negative outcome. But we can also use drivers as “work styles”. In that case we decide, consciously, how to take advantage of their potential and treat them as a source of talent, strength and skills. To be the owner, not the victim.

Driver no. 1: Be Strong

Be Strong is when we don’t like to admit that we don’t know something. We rather don’t ask for help or opinion of others, since it might look like we are weak, or not able to deal with something. Be Strong is very critical of yourself and others, often says: “I can handle it”, even when they know it’s not true. They spend a lot of time on finding proper data, answers or information, instead of asking somebody, because of the fear of being judged as incompetent or not good enough.

When “Be Strong” is a work style? People with strong “Be Strong” are reliable, trustworthy, very skilled. They are great when working under pressure, they are dealing amazingly well with highly stressful, demanding situations. They are persistent, focused and they don’t give up. These are great qualities when we put them that way. Use them to be a strong, skilled partner, to have a seat at the table. Be Strong can help us to achieve extraordinary things, to grow every day, to look for new solutions or ideas and actually implement them. Be Strong with your goals, plans and things you want to do and learn. Follow this path with persistence and you’ll quickly see the results.

Driver no. 2: Be Perfect

Be Perfect is when we only accept perfection in actions, results, products regarding ourselves and others as well. When we do something, it’s all or nothing – every different result is not good enough. We constantly strive for perfection, without tolerating the slightest flaws, since those are the signs of weakness. Without careful preparation, we can not start a task at all, and once we do, we will do it for as long as it’s needed to be perfect. Based on that, it’s hard to meet the deadlines for us, so we are not as efficient as we should be at the end of the day. We also have the highest standards so it’s often very hard to delegate tasks, since we don’t believe in other peoples’ capabilities to do it like we would do it – perfect.

When “Be Perfect” is a work style? People with strong “Be Perfect” have the highest standards and quality of their work. They predict different scenarios, and they are prepared for the worse. They are focused on delivering the best result possible and they’ll do everything to keep it that way. Use it to be concentrated on what really matters, on not wasting time on things without a certain level of importance or influence. Be the best version of yourself and deliver great value. Add to it a little touch of being Ok-Ok with not finishing everything perfect. Set yourself a goal that you’ll let go 20% of the things that are not super important, and the rest 80% of what you’re doing will be “perfect” (whatever perfect means to you). You can use the Influence Matrix and focus of the top right quadrant. Letting go is an important part of using “Be Perfect” to serve us, not the other way around.

Driver no. 3: Please People

Please People is when we put the needs of others ahead of our owns. If somebody is asking us for help, we quit what we’re doing at the moment, and we start supporting them. We often cover other peoples’ work, sometimes even without asking if anyone needs it. We want to avoid hurting people by being unhelpful, we are not saying directly when something is not fine with us, we don’t question the necessity or urgency of doing something. We don’t set boundaries to protect ourselves, because we are afraid of stop being likable or supportive as a person. We work long hours, are exhausted, frustrated and tired of being pushed all the time.

When “Please People” is a work style? People with strong “Please People” are amazing when it comes to building trust, relations and atmosphere. They have a high credit of social trust, others like being around them, they have a good influence on the environment they are at. Use this to build strong relationships, alliances, great place to work or live. It is an amazing source of good impact, all you can use is to set better boundaries. Boundaries are important so you can treat yourself as an equal partner in each relation and context, to protect yourself and your time. It can be one of the hardest things to do, but with that Please People can be a superpower.

Driver no. 4: Try Hard

Try Hard is when we put a tremendous effort and enthusiasm to do something. We tend to delay tasks by opening many new ways to do it, creating different scenarios. We are more focused on starting many things, than on finishing the current ones and regarding that we have a tendency to not finish them at all or to delay deadlines.

When “Try Hard” is a work style? Try Hard can be a huge advantage in the first stages of a project or initiative, when we brainstorm and there is a need of creativity. The holistic thinking, connecting the dots, thinking differently is a great source of inspiration when we seek for innovation, challenging the status quo. Be a part of a team, initiative, project when it starts or when the team needs more stimuli, encouragement to boost their motivation and performance will be one of the best positive usages of this one.

Driver no. 5: Hurry Up

Hurry Up is usually a complementary driver, working with others to boost their positive or negative impact. It works when we work fast and in a short period of time we cover many tasks. We do things in a rush, and it often leads to many mistakes, poor quality of work and it at the end it extends the duration of the tasks since it needs many corrections. That way, saving time is apparent. Regarding the constant hurry, we don’t have an ability to be right here right now, we are not mindful and in consequence we might not build close, long-term relations with others.

When “Hurry Up” is a work style? People with strong Hurry Up are great in a crisis. They make decisions fast. They can use their fast-thinking brains to make everything logical in a short period of time. They are focused on the result they need to bring in, so they get rid of risks and concentrate on what really matters in a certain situation. Use your Hurry Up when there is a need to finish a task, when working under pressure and take a deep breath and a step back in regular situations. It will bring more balance and be a growth opportunity.

The bottom line

As you can see, drivers can be treated like friends, as well as like enemies. Like regarding almost everything, we can see the glass half full or half empty, and it’s our choice which approach we are going to take. The essence of this topic is to be aware of which 1-2 of those drivers are the strongest in your case, and decide what you want to do with it. How to use it as a work style, and don’t let it to limit your potential and opportunities to learn and grow every day? That’s a real question to answer.

So, how you are going to use your driver to be a better version of yourself today?

Udostępnij

Komentarze

0 0 votes

Article Rating

0 komentarzy

Oldest

Newest Most Voted

Inline Feedbacks

View all comments

Czytaj także

Leadership

Building a Product-Centered Organization: The Power Skills Leaders Need to Succeed

In the tech world, it’s easy to get caught up in the latest innovations, algorithms, or cutting-edge frameworks. As leaders, we often pride ourselves on our deep technical expertise. However, even the most advanced technology can’t save an organization if it’s not aligned around the product—a product that solves real customer problems, delivers value, and drives the company’s success. Yet, many leaders struggle to build a product-centered organization. Why? Because it requires more than technical know-how. It demands a set of “power skills”—social skills like communication, problem solving or collaboration—that many tech leaders have not prioritized in their own development. These skills are the foundation of Communication Intelligence (CQ), which is essential for creating an environment where people thrive and want to stay longer in their careers. So, how do we build a product-centered organization? Why is product focus so critical? And what do we, as leaders, need to do to make it happen? Let’s dive in into that today. Why Product is the Heart of Your Organization? At its core, every company exists to deliver value. Whether you’re building software, hardware, or services, your product is the vehicle that delivers that value to customers. A strong product focus ensures that every team, from engineering to marketing to customer support, is aligned with the same goal: creating something that solves real problems and delights users. When organizations lose sight of the product, chaos happens. Teams become siloed, with each department prioritizing its own metrics and goals instead of working together toward a shared vision. Engineers might focus on writing code without considering user needs. Marketing and sales teams might overpromise features that don’t exist. Customer support might be left out of the loop entirely, unable to provide meaningful feedback to improve the product. The result? A fractured organization that frustrates employees and customers alike. Without a clear product focus, employees lose motivation because they don’t see how their work contributes to the bigger picture. Customers churn because their needs aren’t being met. And ultimately, the company’s bottom line suffers. Sounds familiar? Anyone ever experienced that kind of reality? The Leadership Role in Building a Product-Centered Organization As leaders, it’s our job to create an environment where teams are aligned around the product and empowered to deliver their best work. But this doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intentional effort and a specific set of leadership skills—skills that go beyond technical expertise. I know that for some of you it’s way out of your comfort zone, but growing those skills is a must, not a luxury. IF you want to be a leader that people don’t hate. The choice is always yours. #1 Communication Intelligence (CQ) At the heart of a product-centered organization is strong communication. Leaders with high CQ understand how to communicate clearly and efficiently across teams, breaking down silos and ensuring everyone is aligned. The understanding the bigger picture is crucial for people to work together, focused on what is important and bringing us all closer to achieving our goals. High CQ leaders: – Actively listen to feedback from all levels of the organization. – Communicate the “why” behind decisions so teams understand their purpose. – Create a real space for the open dialogue so employees feel comfortable sharing ideas, discussing bottlenecks and solutions to the problems that appear. #2 Visionary Thinking A product-centered organization starts with a clear vision. The product should make a real change and solve a real problem that bothers clients. As a leader, you need to articulate what success looks like for your product and inspire your teams to go with that vision. This means being able to zoom out and see the big picture while also understanding the details that drive execution. #3 Cross-Functional Collaboration No single team owns the product—it’s a collective effort. Leaders must break down silos and encourage collaboration across engineering, design, marketing, sales, and customer support. This requires building bridges between teams and fostering a culture of mutual respect and shared responsibility. A great solution to implement when there are any issues with collaboration between certain teams is to shift their leaders for a while. For example, sales and marketing team is not working together very well (common issue). So, a marketing lead becomes a sales lead for a month and the other way around. That way they get to know exactly what those teams are dealing with daily and thanks to that starting building bridges, instead of fighting each other. It’s one of the ideas of Ben Horowitz and I personally love it. #4 Understanding for Customers and Employees The ability to understand what people need and why they behave in a certain way is a superpower for any leader. To build a great product, you need to deeply understand your customers’ pain points and aspirations. But empathy doesn’t stop with customers—it extends to your employees as well. By understanding their challenges and motivations, you can create an environment where they feel supported and engaged. You know what I see often? Great tech people are designing amazing products and solutions. But then nobody buys it. And they are so surprised, frustrated and they blame everyone around them. But the truth is: You don’t design the product for yourself. You create it for people who have a certain problem to solve. That’s why you need to focus on their needs and voices more. Listen better, ask questions to understand what is underneath the surface. Go to your team and discuss it, brainstorm together so you generate the best possible solutions and start building a MVP for that. Iterate, don’t overinvest time, focus and money into a monster that can be something completely out of the interest zone of potential customers. It might sounds difficult, but over time it becomes easier and easier. You can do it. Addressing Bottlenecks in Your Organization Even with strong leadership skills, building a product-centered organization isn’t without

Czytaj dalej

4 May 2025 No Comments

Leadership

5 Tips for Entry-Level Tech Leaders to Avoid Common Mistakes

Stepping into a leadership role in the tech space might be both, an exciting and daunting experience. As an entry-level tech leader, you not only have to manage projects and technical challenges but also guide your team, lead collaboration, and make strategic decisions. The transition from Subject Matter Expert to a leader can be tricky, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can set yourself (and your team) up for success. Here are five practical tips to help you navigate the early stages of your leadership journey and avoid common mistakes, so you don’t get discouraged before things start to get going properly. #1 Embrace the Shift from “Doer” to “Enabler” One of the most significant challenges for new tech leaders is letting go of the “hands-on” work they were so good at as individual contributors. Sounds familiar? Leadership is not about doing all the work yourself but enabling your team to succeed. You like it or not, this shift in mindset is crucial, so you really can start doing what the leader’s role is really about. The biggest mistake here? Micromanaging or taking over tasks because you believe you can do them faster or better. Of course you do! You’ve been doing those things for months, sometimes for years, so obviously it’s in your genius zone. But by accepting the leadership position you also accepted saying goodbye to those tasks to say hello to the new ones. You can’t have both. What you can do here? – Delegate Effectively: Identify the strengths of your team members and assign tasks accordingly. Trust them to deliver, and provide guidance only when needed. Share your knowledge and experience (if you have it), unlock bottlenecks so they can deliver work efficiently. That’s your role and effective delegation skills are essential for your success. – Focus on Outcomes, Not Processes: Instead of obsessing over how something is done, set clear expectations for the results and let your team figure out the “how.” Your how can be completely different than theirs, but it the outcome is delivered… It’s all that matters. I know that it hurts but if you are the smartest person in the room, you need to change the room. – Use tools like Trello or Asana to track progress without checking or controlling every single detail. If you can’t trust them, they won’t trust you. And this is the first step to going deep down in the rabbit hole of lack of engagement, efficiency and misery. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a leader that builds that kind of environment for myself and my people. #2 Build Culture of Open Communication As a new leader, earning the trust of your team is essential. Without trust, collaboration suffers, and your ability to lead effectively diminishes. Open communication is the foundation of that trust, you like it or not. The biggest mistake here? Assuming that people automatically will come to you with problems. Mutual respect is to build, it doesn’t come with the leadership role itself. What you can do here? – Be Transparent: Share the goals, direction and decision-making processes with your team. This helps them understand your priorities and align with them, and if they not, you can discuss it using data, not assumptions. – Schedule Regular 1:1s: Invest time to check in with each team member individually. Use this time to listen actively, provide feedback, and address concerns, if they occur. Make sure that both of you use the time you have, not for the monologue from your side. – Create a Contracted Space: Make contract with your team on the rules around team meetings, retrospective and innovation brainstorms. Make sure that you really walk the walk the rule of permission for making mistakes. You can even say, “Mistakes are opportunities to learn—let’s solve this together.” #3 Prioritize Learning and Adaptability Technology evolves rapidly, and so do the challenges of leadership. Being open to learning—both technical skills and leadership strategies—is key to staying effective and efficient. One doesn’t exist without another, and it’s about the time to make your peace with that statement. The biggest mistake here? Believing you need to have all the answers or pretending to know everything. What you can do here? – Adopt a Growth Mindset: Treat every challenge as an opportunity to grow. If you’re unsure about something, admit it and commit to finding the answer. Come back to the team with a solution you can all discuss and learn around. Perfection doesn’t exist, only really insecure people will tell you otherwise. Building a Growth Mindset is a real thing, focusing on that will bring you a lot of benefits (professional and private ones). – Seek Mentorship: Connect with leaders more experienced than you, in your organization or outside of it. Ask questions about their leadership journey and learn from their successes and failures. You don’t need to listen to every piece of advice you’ll get from them, but choose what’s applicable to your case and move on faster. – Invest in Learning Resources: Read books on leadership, listen to podcasts, attend workshops, or take online courses. Whatever your learning preferences are, you can invest your time in being 1% better every single day. Even if it’s just 5 minutes. #4 Set Clear Goals and Align Your Team Without clear goals, even the most talented team can lose focus. As a leader, it’s your job to define priorities and ensure everyone is rowing in the same direction. The biggest mistake here? Overloading the team with too many objectives or failing to communicate priorities effectively. What you can do here? – Use OKRs. Objectives and Key Results is one of my favorite method to boost the efficiency and effectiveness of a person, team and organization. Why? Because it’s not telling us “read 3 books”, it’s not a real goal. It answers the question: “SO WHAT?” you’ve read those

Czytaj dalej

13 April 2025 No Comments

Leadership

Work Drama Triangle (and How to Escape It)

The Drama Triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction that highlights dysfunctional dynamics often seen in relationships, workplaces, and personal lives. Created by Stephen Karpman in 1968, this model identifies three primary roles people unconsciously adopt: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. While these roles may feel familiar and even comforting in the moment, they often lead to unproductive behaviors and strained relationships. By understanding the Drama Triangle and replacing it with healthier patterns like the Winning Triangle, we can transform our interactions and create more positive outcomes. And strengthen our muscle of Communication Intelligence (CQ). Let’s dig deeper into the subject today so you can understand better your behavior patterns with a practical solutions on how to get out of it. The Story of the Drama Triangle Stephen Karpman, a student of transactional analysis, developed the Drama Triangle to illustrate how people can become trapped in unhealthy relational patterns. These roles are not fixed, and individuals may shift between them during a single interaction. The triangle often begins with one person adopting a role, which triggers complementary roles in others, creating a cycle of blame, helplessness, and over-involvement. Let’s explore these roles in detail: The Victim The Victim feels powerless, overwhelmed, and unable to take responsibility for their situation. This role is characterized by self-pity and an underlying belief that “I can’t do it” or “Life is unfair.” Behaviors: Avoidance of responsibility, learned helplessness, seeking sympathy. Typical Sentences: – “Why does this always happen to me?” – “I can’t handle this.” – “No one understands how hard this is for me.” Position in the OK-OK Matrix: The Victim operates from an “I’m not OK, you’re OK” position, perceiving themselves as inferior or incapable compared to others. The Persecutor The Persecutor blames and criticizes others to maintain control or assert dominance. They often feel justified in their actions but lack empathy for others. Behaviors: Aggression, fault-finding, micromanaging. Typical Sentences: – “This is all your fault.” – “You never do anything right.” – “If you had just listened to me, we wouldn’t be in this mess.” Position in the OK-OK Matrix: The Persecutor operates from an “I’m OK, you’re not OK” position, seeing themselves as superior while devaluing others. The Rescuer The Rescuer intervenes excessively to “save” others, often neglecting their own needs. While their actions may appear helpful, they can enable Victims to remain passive and dependent. Behaviors: Overhelping, unsolicited advice-giving, neglecting self-care. Typical Sentences: – “Let me fix this for you.” – “You can’t do this without me.” – “Don’t worry; I’ll handle everything.” Position in the OK-OK Matrix: The Rescuer operates from an “I’m OK, you’re not OK” position but masks it with seemingly altruistic behavior. What Is the Cost of the Drama Triangle at Work? When workplace interactions are led by the Drama Triangle, several negative outcomes emerge: – Decreased Productivity: Time and energy are wasted on blame-shifting or rescuing instead of solving problems collaboratively. – Eroded Trust: Dysfunctional dynamics create resentment and reduce psychological safety among team members. – Stagnation: Victims avoid growth opportunities, Persecutors stifle creativity through criticism, and Rescuers prevent others from developing autonomy. – Burnout: Rescuers often overextend themselves, while Victims feel perpetually overwhelmed and Persecutors experience frustration from unmet expectations. In essence, the Drama Triangle traps individuals in cycles of conflict and inefficiency, undermining both individual well-being and organizational success. The Winning Triangle: A Healthier Alternative To break free from the Drama Triangle, Acey Choy introduced the Winning Triangle as a model for healthier interactions. This framework replaces the dysfunctional roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer with three constructive counterparts: Vulnerable, Assertive, and Caring/Coaching. These roles empower individuals to take responsibility for themselves while keeping respect and collaboration with others. And to operate from OK-OK position that gives us a chance to use all of our skills and growth mindset. Vulnerable (Replacing the Victim) Vulnerability involves acknowledging one’s feelings and needs without going into the realm of helplessness. It requires self-awareness and a willingness to seek support constructively. What can you do? – Admit when you’re struggling but frame it as an opportunity for growth. – Ask for help without expecting others to solve everything for you. – Use “I” statements to express your needs clearly. How can you say it? – “I’m feeling overwhelmed; can we brainstorm solutions together?” – “I need some support with this task—could you guide me through it?” Vulnerability fosters authenticity and encourages open communication. It creates an environment where challenges are addressed collaboratively rather than avoided. It’s healthier, creating a space to grow, make mistakes and learn from them, as well as using the experience and wisdom of others’. Assertive (Replacing the Persecutor) Assertiveness involves expressing one’s thoughts and boundaries respectfully while considering others’ perspectives. It balances confidence with empathy. What can you do? – Provide constructive feedback rather than criticism. – Set boundaries clearly but kindly. – Focus on solutions instead of assigning blame. How can you say it? – “I noticed an issue with this report; let’s discuss how we can improve it.” – “I value your input, but I need some time to focus on my own tasks right now.” Assertiveness promotes accountability and problem-solving without alienating others. It helps create a culture of respect and mutual understanding, without treating people like worse or stupid. It’s creating a chance for everybody to take their own responsibility for what they do at work. Caring (Replacing the Rescuer) Caring involves offering support without overstepping boundaries or fostering dependency. It respects others’ autonomy while providing encouragement. What can you do? – Offer help only when it’s needed or requested. – Encourage others to take ownership of their responsibilities. – Practice active listening without immediately jumping in with solutions. How can you say it? – “How can I support you in resolving this issue?” – “You’ve got this—I’m here if you need guidance.” Caring builds trust and empowers

Czytaj dalej

16 March 2025 No Comments