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Just think about it for a moment. When was the last time you were angry, pissed off, or frustrated with the other person as a leader? Your direct report didn’t deliver something on time or to the quality that you wanted them to deliver? A person promised to do something, and they didn’t? Or a person asked you a question, you answered, and then they came back with the same question one time, two times, three times, five times? When was the time when you agreed on something? You made a contract on who is doing what:  With the client, a contractor, or a vendor; you delivered your part, and they didn’t? Or they did, but the quality of the work was not so good, and you got angry, you thought a lot of not-so-nice things, and maybe you even behaved in an aggressive way. If you’re nodding right now, you’re in the right place. In this article, I’m going to give you answers on why you get so upset when things like that happen, and what to do to manage it better. Let’s go into it. Why am I reacting like that? Do you know people who, even if something’s going on, are calm? It might seem that they don’t even care when you look at them. They’re all chilled out. And then, it’s you: Frustrated, angry, mad at others. Burning up, losing energy, and being exhausted at the end of the day. Is it your reality? If yes, it means that from a personality perspective, you have a strong Thinker or a Persister floor in your Personality Condo. Maybe a Promoter as well, if you are getting angry with people for being too slow (in your frame of reference, of course). It means that your beliefs about yourself in the world go like this: Thinker: “People need to be competent, deliver work on time, efficiently covering what’s there to be done”. Persister: “People need to be trustworthy, fulfilling the contracts that we have for delivering things, following processes we have in place”. Promoter: “People need to be strong, fast, and self-sufficient. They need to act, instead of talk or analyse all the time”. If we have convictions like that in our brains, and it is our default way of working, every person who’s not doing things like that will make us angry or resentful. It’s mostly unconscious, and until we start learning more about Communication Intelligence (CQ), it’s an automatic thinking pattern we go into in every situation that jeopardises how we think the world should look. Eustress vs Distress The answer to why we’re reacting in an aggressive or manipulative way when we have those thoughts in our brains is that we are in distress. Let’s unpack the stress part, since it’s not very often described in two ways: Eustress and Distress. Eustress is a positive stress. It: mobilizes us to take action; positively influences ourselves and people around us; keeps us in strengthening beliefs, pushes us to do things that bring extraordinary results. Eustress is a feeling of excitement, a little bit of adrenaline rushing through our veins, making us brave to go into the uncomfortable. Like being on the stage, sharing things we are truly passionate about with the thought in our brains that we can really change something while sharing it with the world. But, as always, there’s a dark side to the story. Distress is a negative stress. It: is an automatic sequence of thinking, reacting, and doing things (or not doing them at all); negatively influences ourselves and the people around us; keeps us in limiting beliefs, takes us away from the access to the resources we have in ourselves (intellectual, emotional, cognitive, etc.). We go into distress most of the time right away in two situations: We don’t have our physiological needs covered; We don’t have our motivational / psychological needs covered. So, if you’re hungry, thirsty, you haven’t been in the bathroom for hours, you lack sleep or physical touch of a close person, your body is upset, which makes it distressed. And if your motivational needs connected to your personality Base are not covered, your brain and soul are upset, which makes it distressed. Distress is visible when we are anxious, our heart is beating fast, our blood pressure is high, our voice, hands, and knees are shaking, sometimes we have a sore throat, and we can’t even say a thing. It’s when we forget everything we wanted to say, even if we’re well-prepared and equipped. It’s when we lose the brain-spine connection, and we start to behave extremely weirdly, like we’re not ourselves anymore. That’s where the anger, frustration, and consequently, burnout comes. What can we do about it? The awareness is one thing (super important), but action is crucial. Some things will be transferable for every personality Base, and some will be tailored. Let’s start with the individual ones, connected with the 3 types we’ve talked about above: For Thinkers: Make clear contracts, share tasks and responsibilities transparently, and put deadlines whenever you can. Ask for feedback for your efficient work delivered regularly. Structure your day / week, book slots for deep work in your calendar, and protect your time. For Persisters: Make clear contracts, double-check if people have everything they need (resources, skills, technology, etc.) to work efficiently. Ask for feedback for your principled work regularly. Share your convictions with others and have a conversation when you can gather positive recognition for what you believe in. For Promoters: Make a plan and follow it. Remember that not all people work as fast as you, so give them more time before the deadline is due. Take care of the diversification of what you do, so you don’t get bored too quickly. Plan some adrenaline rushes in your private and/or work life. The things you can do to protect yourself from going into distress that are universal to all personality bases are not fancy. I don’t think